Are You Taking The P*ss,

This might be a little TMI so if it is, I'm sorry, but I have been ranting about it for weeks and I think it's also kind of funny, so here we go. Before I start this though, I'm going to try and be as sensitive to the gender aspect as I can, but please forgive me if I slip up with that.

One of the things you'll know if you have been pregnant is the sheer amount of times you are asked to pee in a pot and hand it over. It happens A LOT. Now, I know there are good reasons for this and that it's not for the good of the medical professionals performing the test but actual for the expectant parent and the baby or babies that they are carrying, but it's awkward because sample pots were not designed for women/ those of us without a penis. They're about an inch to an inch and a half in diameter at the top, so even at the earliest points of pregnancy it can be difficult to pee into a pot of that size. By the time you get to the stage where you have a bump, it can feel next to impossible. And it is literally every time you see a midwife or go into the triage unit or any of the other antenatal appointments that you need to attend as it's part of observations. It's blood pressure and heart rate, and a check on urine for proteins, ketones and other markers which indicate the body isn't getting sufficient nutrients (because of morning sickness, for example) or that the expectant parent has an infection which could affect the baby.

One solution to this is to pee into something else, whether that be something like a paper drinks cup (my go to in the antenatal clinic) or a hair dye bowl (the option I use when I'm doing a sample at home, or even a paper sick bowl (hospital when there is no other option) and tip it into the sample pot, so that there is plenty in there to be tested, it doesn't get all over the outside of it and also so I don't have to struggle with it.

Today (drafting day, not posting day, as usual) was quite amusing though because I had to attend a growth scan to see how my little boy is doing and check that he's growing okay, and the problem was as soon as we arrived in the hospital and had waddled (well, I waddled like a fat bottomed goose, my partner walked like his normal self) to the scanning department I needed to pee. The actual scan doesn't take that long, though waiting for it can be a bit lengthy, and once done we had to go around to antenatal. Knowing that they were going to ask for a sample, my partner went around to the antenatal unit first to get a sample pot for me so that I could do that bit when I already needed to go to the bathroom rather than waiting until I got to antenatal and effectively had to force myself to pee. 

When the midwife asked for my sample I told her that I was terrible at aiming and she mentioned that sometimes the midwives are testing off of drops so it was fine, and I pointed out that it would be useful to ask the scanning department if they would have sample pots on their reception desk for the pregnant women coming in for scans, because it would make it a lot easier. (The visual reminder of them being there at the first part of your appointment would likely be helpful to more people than just me.) My partner also pointed out that for the first two scans, I had to have a full bladder, and once I had had the scan I had to run straight to the bathroom and there was no way I could have made it around to the antenatal clinic first, before being able to go for a pee. They asked why I'd never mentioned it before, though it seemed to be in a jokey way and the doctor did say it was a good idea and worth looking into. 

Is it going to make a big difference? To some degree, no, and for anyone who attends the clinic having never known it any other way, it's probably not going to be something they even notice, but there are a lot of things like that which can be done to make life easier without having to be redesigning how things are done or remaking things where it would be expensive to do it. (Let's face it, it would be expensive to have a pot designed for women/ people who lack of the equipment with which to aim, to produce and distribute it etc and it would likely be pink and subject to the pink tax.) 

There are a lot of issues in maternity services, and a lot of things which just could be done better, but sometimes it only takes making a suggestion or saying something for a change to be made and life to be a little bit easier.

I Want A Robot,

This is not the blog that I was originally going to be writing, but I went downstairs to fetch my laptop, grab some food (because no matter what I eat I feel sick, but if I don't eat, I feel sick so might as well at least try) and by the time I got back upstairs I had forgotten what I was going to write about and so needed to think of something else. Incidentally, a single word in this paragraph triggered my memory of what I was going to write, which is really helpful!

(She says and then goes on to write the blog that she was going to write and ignore this one instead so by the time she comes back to it, things are different than where they were when she was starting to write it... I'm going to write it from that perspective as best I can and then there'll be a follow up...)

I don't know if it's just late stage pregnancy or not (spoiler alert: it wasn't) but moving around at the moment is difficult and although all I want to do is get some things finished, organise the baby's room and help myself feel ready for the arrival of my little boy, I am pretty much confined to the sofa at the moment.

I was sat here wallowing in self pity for a little while and thought, how useful would it be to have a robot like SERVO from the original Sims game, because the ability to ask something to do something for me, whether it be picking me up off the floor when I can't get up or going up and down the stairs for me, because stairs are evil, or even doing something like lifting things that I can't lift safely whilst pregnant, would be amazing. I could ease the frustrations I've been feeling from being essentially completely out of action by having that sort of help. My partner has been doing when he can, when he's here, friends have been trying to help out as well, and our parents are doing their best, but there's a limit to what people can do, particularly as most of them are working and can't be here all of the time.

(Okay, I can't really write from the perspective where I didn't know what was happening now that I know what's happening, so I'm just going to get into this now.)

All along my pregnancy, there have been issues of some description. I'm thankful that the issues that I have been having have all been issues with me rather than issues with the baby, but they have been frequent and it's been driving me mad. 

The latest thing has been pelvic pain, but not just the normal pelvic girdle pain that I have had for weeks or months (I'm not good with timelines) but a much more severe pain that I wasn't sure if it was connected to the fact that I also couldn't keep food down properly. I kept having wretching episodes where my entire body was shaking, pulling on the muscles that were already hurting, so I was being sick but couldn't get across to the bathroom when I needed to because I was in too much pain to be able to get off of the sofa. I thought that this was just a progression of the pelvic girdle pain and the indigestion because I was so far along, my little man was getting so large and heavy and everything would be back to normal within the next month (because due dates are forty weeks and you are able to go beyond that by a couple of weeks before the conversation about being induced changes to this is a need rather than a suggestion.) 

After the growth scan it was found that the baby had slightly more fluid around him than was optimal, and whilst he was absolutely fine, it's likely that this is what was causing me to be more sick than usual and also could have been contributing to the increased pelvic pain, but that also could have been his head, because he's been ready and in position to come out for a few weeks, and I'm not really sure exactly what he is waiting for. 

Thankfully, when I was hobbling into the appointment with the consultant after my scan, the doctor asked if I was okay or if I had had an accident, and I said no, I'm just in a lot of pain, particularly after I've been sat down and had to get up and get going, or if I've been walking a lot. Essentially there is a small amount of walking I can do that doesn't hurt, but getting to that involves some pain, because everything sort of seizes up when I stop. The doctor's first reaction was, I think you need to be induced, just for your own quality of life. My first thought in response to that was oh, thank duck for that. Even though it's been hard, I have loved being pregnant (for some of it at the very least) but at this stage I am really ready for it to be done and to be holding our little man rather than carrying him as I am at the moment. I know inductions can be tricky and they're not always pleasant, but at least having the appointment gives a timeframe, particularly a shorter timeframe, when the symptoms I'm currently struggling with will be done with and even if what comes next is difficult, it's a different kind of difficult to right now and it's a kind of difficult that other people can help out with more than they can at the moment. I'm also really glad that it happening at the beginning of when my partner is on leave for Christmas means we'll have something close to a month together to get used to being parents and to bond with our little guy.

I will admit, it's kind of terrifying in one way, because from when I'm drafting this (on a Friday) we've got one weekend, then he's in work for a couple of days, and then we'll be going into the hospital and life will change incredibly, but completely. During that one weekend we have a list as long as my arm that we want to get through in order to be 'ready' for the little guy to arrive. There is still so much to be done at the new house, though we have been prioritising things for the last few weeks because we knew we wouldn't be able to get everything done. We need to have a spare room available in case anyone needs to come stay with us. We need to be able to put the baby's clothes and things away and we need to try and get rid of some of the stuff in the house that we just don't need to be here, because we're moving around a lot of things at the moment that are unnecessary.

Naturally though, this is contingent upon the idea that he doesn't decide that he's going to come early, and I'm still not a hundred percent convinced that he's not going to decide that he won't be told what to do, and arrive earlier than the induction date. Whilst I don't mind is he does that, and actually I would be somewhat amused, I think it would cause a lot of stress for after his arrival because we won't have had the chance to get things even a little bit more sorted, and the newborn stage is going to be hectic enough as it is, particularly getting used to feeding and changing and getting him to sleep and for us both (as in, his parents) to make sure we are sleeping and eating and everything else as well. 

There Is No Try,

This morning I was watching a video on Facebook and it's one of the types of videos I have been quite into for a while and it's a bit of a strange one for someone who has been vegetarian for as long as I have. The video is one of these divers who hunts lion fish.

Now, as a first thing I want to point out that this is not me saying that I'm changing my mind about all animals and that I feel any differently about the way people do treat animals and the way that they should treat animals, because I don't, but what I have now realised is that the idealistic nineteen year old who lived near Richmond Park and was devastated about the deer cull each year really didn't know as much about the environment and animals as she thought she did. (I know, imagine growing up and being embarrassed that your nineteen year old self was a bit of a know it all without the knowledge to back it up - I'm sure that never happens...)

Essentially what I understand now is that there are certain creatures and plants and things which have been introduced into an environment they don't belong in, whether that's accidentally or by humans who didn't know any better (a certain popular gardener in the 90s and 2000s and bamboo in gardens is one because trying to get rid of that stuff now is a nightmare!!) and now it's causing a whole pile of problems, but some people are doing their best to address the problem and essentially being the living embodiment of We Didn't Start The Fire (no, we didn't light it, but we're trying to fight it). 

I've seen different things with certain crab species, there's the lion fish diving videos, there's murder hornets and balsam bashers and all that sort of thing, and I love it, because very often these people are trying to do two things at once and those two things are they're trying to make a difference and they're trying to educate people and those are two things I really value.

But the internet is a crappy place sometimes, and the video I was watching this morning (or the morning of when I drafted this) was addressing comments about how this guy can never solve the problem so why bother? The noise that came out of me would make a mechanic either die a little inside or be looking up jet skis because if an engine was making that kind of noise it would take a lot of time, effort and money to fix it. This type of comment and this type of attitude honestly hurts my brain. 

For whatever reason it also brings up the Yoda quotes that somewhat annoy me - there is no try, only do & do or do not, there is no try. I have a genuine mental debate over these two phrases, because a part of me hates them, because it feels like they're dismissive of the fact that sometimes we can't fully do a thing, but it's better to at least try, but then I also get that the original spirit of the quotes is to not be limited by your own perceptions of what you can do and just do the thing, rather than saying you'll try with at least some expectation of failure. As a Cub leader, I teach the young people to do their best (strangely not try their best) but when I explain that to them I always say that I'm only ever asking you to try something, and not to do the impossible, or something that's impossible for you.

I think it's quite easy to be someone who says, well, I can't solve this problem so I'm just not going to do anything about it, and actually, I'm going to suggest that other people do the same. You can't solve the problem of lion fish being in a part of the ocean where they have no natural predators so they multiply like rabbits and decimate the natural fish populations, so why try? Because trying is not a wasted effort and trying something is better than doing nothing. If on every dive this guy wipes out, say, 25 fish, then that's 25 less fish producing more fish, and from my very limited understanding of lion fish, they are prolific. If he was just going on one dive and then expecting a medal then yeah, I would kind of get questioning what the point is, but this guy dives a lot, and makes videos about diving a lot, so now he's not alone in his efforts, and this is more than just a one time thing, so everything he does is compounded when you try and look at the impact. Maybe he clears 100 fish a week, and maybe someone that also dives, but didn't know about the impact of lion fish, now also clears 25 fish a week, because they have a regular job, not a YouTube income so they dive less. That's not nothing. That's making a dent, or a big hole, even if it's not solving the problem; how can people be so dismissive of that?

Maybe this is just morning rambly nonsense, but I just get irritated when people try and wash their hands of having anything to do with a problem because they can't solve it completely, because we all have the ability to have some impact, however big or small, and as long as you're doing everything you can to make a positive impact, trying is doing something and surely it's better to try than to just give up?

Don't Be So Silly,

This was something I came to later than I should have, and honestly, it's a bit ridiculous that it took me the time that it did to come to this as a conclusion.

I keep saying to myself that certain days would be a lovely birthday for my little boy, partly because I think if I keep telling him today would be a nice day or whatever day would be a nice birthday, he might listen and it might help him to get a move on, but there are certain days that I think would be better than others because of what they mean, or at least, there were certain days. 

I think there are some days that are just special because of things that have happened previously, so things like family anniversaries or lucky numbers or other family birthdays and such, but the realisation I came to when the first of the days that I thought would be perfect, and that would be after he turned full term, passed was that it doesn't matter what date my little boy is born - as long as it's not Christmas Day or Boxing Day because I don't want him to feel overshadowed by Christmas every year - because no matter what day or date my son is born, it's going to be a special day, because it's the day that my son was born and it's the day I become a mum, officially. Even though I'm looking at a calendar now and thinking I don't know what day would be perfect for him to arrive because I want it to be a super special day, it will be anyway, so I just need to chill out about it, because I'm pretty sure everyone re-writes their lottery numbers when the y have a baby because the numbers that you find lucky or important are probably going to change anyway. 

The best thing I can think at the moment though, as I'm sat here drafting this, is the sooner the better baby boy, because I can't wait to hold him, I can't wait to have our first cuddle and see his little face, but I am also looking forward to being able to put him down for a nap and being able to then either leave his dad looking after him or one of his grandparents, so I can go and do something, even if that's sleep, hopefully without pain. (That's not just the sleep thing; doing anything without pain would be a blessing right now, because it's just all the time!)

Maybe by the time this blog is actually posted, the little man will have seen fit to join us Earth side, but that might be just wishful thinking. Maybe.

Did We Move At The Wrong Time?,

Every time I have thought about this or talked about this it has been primarily in concern to my pregnancy, and when we were getting ready to move it was the thing that I was focusing on; pointing out to anyone who was holding up the process that I was only getting more and more pregnant as the time went on, and the last thing I wanted was to be moving house at a time when there was a risk of the stress putting me into labour, or that it was going to happen and I would be in the hospital and my partner would have to handle the move on his own. 

It was definitely something that was a big concern, and rightly so because it really got in my way for things I was able to do on the move day and also the things I have been able to do since, but it's not just that I was thirty odd weeks pregnant, it was partly the way that the house had been left - with many spiders and many, many cobwebs, so there was a lot of cleaning to do before we could even think about putting anything away - but also because the state that the gardens were left in. 

Every time this comes up, people tell me that the gardens are something that can be ignored for now and the most important thing is the house and whilst it's true to some extent, it's also evident that they have been ignored for a long time anyway, or the level of effort needed was a lot higher than the level of effort that they got. It's partly where plants have gone out of control, or where the trees just haven't been pruned so they are damaged in places and wild in others and things like ivy have been left to run rampant and trying to now tame them is difficult, and it's the wrong time to be sorting it out because of the pregnancy, but also the start of winter is not the best time to be trying to get out and do anything with the garden and it's not the best time to be trying to sort out all of the garden waste as well. I know there are a few things about gardening where it's like, No Mow May or thinking about baby bunny season and not raking leaves because of nesting hedgehogs, but because of the sheer amount of garden waste there is in the garden we need to do something with it and leaving it to rot in place isn't really an option. We're also in one of those councils that make you pay a suplement for garden waste collections and they're only just starting to do a food waste collection in the new year. Naturally, I'm frustrated by this, but I'm just trying to get what I can do done and accept the fact that it's not going to be perfect.

We've been able to look back into an archive to see what the gardens used to look like, and we have our own ideas as well, of course, of what we want to do with them, but there is quite a big gap between where they are now and where we want them to be.

Like with a lot of things though, I know that part of the joy of it all is going to be the journey of getting it to the point that I want it to be at, rather than just walking into something that is perfect from the first minute, and I'm looking forward to doing this with my son in tow, getting to teach him about it and get him involved in it all as well.

Do You Know What You're Doing For Christmas?,

I know it's a natural question to ask at this time of year, but seriously, this has been getting on my nerves since November, because I have been saying for months that unless my son has decided to arrive early, but not too early that he's having to spend a long period in the NICU, I'm not doing anything.

I've bounced between being a lover of Christmas and a total Scrooge for years now, so maybe it's not surprising to some people that I am really not up for doing anything, but there are reasons and it's pretty much because the baby is due so close to Christmas that I don't want to plan anything because I can't commit to those plans and I don't want to make plans that I'm pretty certain I will have to break at some point. The simple fact is that if we have the baby a few days or even a week before Christmas then we'll be very much in the newborn trenches which won't be ideal for either having guests or being guests, and if he has not arrived then I don't want to be sat around all day feeling like everyone has me on bump watch to see if I'm going to have contractions and the baby might be arriving on Christmas day or at least starting to make his way out on Christmas day. Even if he didn't then decide to arrive on Christmas day, I know how I feel right now - like an overinflated balloon or a planet with my own gravity, and also very unstable so I keep walking into things and sometimes that is bump first, which really hurts - and the addition of more weeks and a heavier baby will only make that worse. All of the symptoms I am having, the exhaustion, the nausea and the mood swings don't really lend themselves to a Christmas celebration that it feels like everyone is expecting. Even before our scan where we had the updated due date, we were due right around Christmas so I've been saying since spring this year that I wasn't doing anything for Christmas and I meant it.

Christmas just doesn't feel the same to me this year anyway, because I've not really been able to go out to go shopping and find presents for family and friends, partly because of feeling sick all of the time but also because the amount I can walk is limited by the level of pain that I am in. When people have asked me what I want for Christmas, I haven't had a clue, because it's not something I'm thinking about at the moment. The only thing I have been thinking about is what we need for the baby, because so many people have been asking us what we want or what we need. 

The biggest problem with not being able to make plans for ourselves is because our parents have then been reluctant to make plans, particularly my mum who we are planning on taking the dog when we go into hospital, but she also knows she's on call in case I need her for moral support or in case my partner isn't at home when I need driving to the hospital. Granted, on Christmas day or particularly closer to Christmas he'll be off on leave anyway, so that is a bit less of an issue. I think she just doesn't want to plan anything and then have to say she can't help with little man if I need anything and we are in those early newborn days, and I completely get that. She knows I'm going to need some support and he's her first grandbaby so I know she is going to want to be able to spend time with him as well. 

In some ways, I feel kind of bad, because us having a baby seems to be throwing off a lot of the family's Christmas plans, but at the same time, we didn't plan for a Christmas baby and it wasn't something we were particularly aiming at (granted if the choice had been Christmas baby or no baby then it would have been a no brainer and we would have chosen to have a Christmas baby, but it's not like that was what we were trying to achieve from the start) but it's not something we've hidden from everyone or not been completely open about. I can be relatively tactless and blunt when I want or need to be, so I have said it loudly for months that I'm not committing to anything until I know what the baby is doing and as I'm sat here writing this (which is about ten or so actually it's more like fourteen... days ahead of when it will be scheduled to be posted) he doesn't seem to be in a rush to join us in the world outside, so we'll probably just be sat at home waiting for something to happen. Maybe when we get to that stage I will regret having been so against making plans, but it's something we'll only know when we know, and it's not like we can't put something together quickly when it comes to it.

I Could Be Way Off Base Here, But,

It's another long one; sorry... 

Here's another one of those episodic things of post it now whilst it's actually relevant, and strangely enough it's related to one of the previous ones. I am accepting that I am not a doctor, or a scientific researcher or anyone special in the way of learning or teaching about neurodiversity, so I could be wrong about this, but here we go. 

I had a bit of a rant recently in reaction to the way that Streeting announced the enquiry into ND conditions and possible over-diagnosis, particularly in recent years. I would point out again that whilst it didn't say it was particularly in connection with the increased number of women being diagnosed, the timing of this enquiry is awfully suspect, because it comes at a time when the understanding of ADHD, autism and the like in women is developing, becoming better publicised and therefore more women are putting themselves forward for diagnosis. In recent days, the statistics on methods of birth have also been published and there has been judgemental outcry at the results particularly because there is. a stat that is being pulled out as being particularly of note and that is the rate of C-sections is higher than the rate of vaginal births, for the first time, and apparently that really upsets a lot of people. 

Overall, the stats say that over 45% of births were from C-sections and around 44 to 45% from spontaneous vaginal birth. If you can do maths you might be as confused as I was with that, wondering where else or how else you might get them out, but it's because instrumental delivery (forceps or Vantouse) accounts for around 10-11% of births. Now, as headline figures these seem to be useful in seeing the trends of changes in births over the years, but aside from that, unless there is additional data, beside of it, this doesn't tell you a damn thing about WHY the rate of C-section has gone up, but that doesn't make a good story, so you get rags like the Daily Mail that include buzz words and phrases like 'too posh to push' because it riles people up, and what do riled up people of this day and age do? We react, we comment, we share, we add our own remix and commentary or whatever. Unfortunately, some people do this and share the article which is the source of their rage, and whilst I understand the desire to do that, because there is nothing better than sharing your anger at something when there is something to be genuinely angry about, but it is worth pointing out that the writers and editors of the Daily Mail know exactly what they're doing and whilst the mortality of their actions is questionable, sadly they are not stupid; if they were, they wouldn't do what they do so well as to still be in business when print media has been spluttering along with it's death rattle noise for the last two decades or more. (I do know there is an irony in saying this as a blog writer; I really do.) Interacting with posts and articles. produced by the Daily Mail makes them money. You can be as morally correct as you want to be, but even hate reactions on Facebook, comments where you disbarage them, their writers and their readers just adds to the algorythm thinking something is interesting (because it is) and showing it to more people and sharing it puts it in front of more people's eyes which is good for them because of things like advertising. Honestly, I don't know if their writers actually BELIEVE half of what they write, but if it makes you angry, it makes them money. Some people try and get around it by posting a screenshot of the article, and it works better than sharing a link or similar, but sadly it does mean people may search it to go and read additional sections or to interact with it themselves, however positively or negatively, and so even indirectly it can generate them some traffic. For what it's worth, I'm not just ragging on them for what they're saying about mother's whilst I'm literally pregnant with my son; I have a longstanding hatred of the putrid rot that they circulate from when they decided to pass comment about the suicide of a friend of mine, and honestly, I get mad at myself now for how much I let their words hurt me, but there it is.

Are we too posh to push? Who knows? Has anyone done any quality research, or done a deep dive into the data? Is it recorded as a simple 'this is the method by which the baby eventually came out' or is there an action log which records what each patient went through? I'm not saying you have to suffer for your C because there are many women who a C section works better for. There are all sorts of traumas concerning genitals that mean it's better to be booked in, sliced, stitched and presented with your little bundle (no, I'm not so naive as to think it's that easy, because it's not) or there are medical conditions which necessitate it. Socially, there are women who feel that what happens with them and their friends and their peers is you get booked in, you go in to the hospital in a timely fashion and you are home in a predictable time because everything is planned, everything is scheduled and organised and that's that. And who is to say that that is wrong? Equally there are women that have had a C section previously who would love to have a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After C) and for whatever reason, can't. There are many who have laboured, at home or in a birth centre or in the hospital, for hours or days, and labour has stalled, medications aren't working, or whatever has happened has happened and they have to come to what can be a heartbreaking decision to have a C section, for their own good, for the good of their baby, for the sake of infection prevention, because they're exhausted, because something about their anatomy isn't quite working, because the baby is in distress, or a lot of other reasons as well; are they being lumped in with this idea of being too posh to push? Because even if you accept the fact that it's right to demonise people for being too posh to push (it isn't, but let's pretend for a moment we're all assholes and it is) how is it right to lumber those women who have pushed and pushed and pushed through pain and suffering and tearing and all sorts, into a category of "too posh to push"? How is that not insulting in the highest degree?

I would also like to point out that big babies are getting bigger. Someone told me 8 pounds was a normal sized baby when I was actually pregnant and I wanted to drop to my knees and pray for the survival of my vagina, because that sounds like trying to push a bowling ball out. When we're talking about "big babies" we're talking 10 or more pounds... You can pine for the good old days when women lay back and thought of England to get the baby in there in the first place, and then had to just bare down and push on because the alternative was either not available or not widely so, but they and their little five and six pound infants make some of these stodgy babes look like giants. Do we need to talk about or look into why babies are being born bigger? Maybe, but then you also need to back off of the women who deliver them if the idea of that passing through their pelvis is more than they can bare. Perhaps it's a problem with general fitness, not for the size of the baby, but the strength, meaning the actual physical strength and muscles of a women. We're becoming more and more reliable on cars as a mode of transport instead of our own two legs, so maybe muscles that would previously have been stronger are less cut out for the strains and stresses of labour, but to me that is again a different question than being too posh to push.

I started this blog mentioning about neurodiversity, and it may not be something where the connection matters, but there is a high correlation between neurodiversity and hypermobility, which in turn then contributes to a higher than average instance or probability of pelvic girdle pain. Whilst some may say PGP is just a bit of tummy pain towards the end of your pregnancy, I can assure you, it's not. From personal experience, it's really not. It's an exceptionally limiting condition and it's something which can - I found out unfortunately - get progressively worse. I struggled with getting onto and off of the sofa, I struggled getting up and down the stairs, I struggled getting in and out of bed, and I was regularly up five or six times a night in need of a pee, so it's not like it was practical or possible to just wake my partner every time I needed to pee, because he still had to get up and go to work even when I was able to be signed off because the only thing I could focus on was the pain. As a result of that, I was offered an induction, because I got to the stage where the way I was walking was just not amusing anymore and in terms of the quality of life I had, it was awful and it could have gone on for a number of weeks like that. Higher levels of inductions though - if there are higher levels... it's not something I saw in the data but it's not something I took an overly in depth look for - mean higher levels of C section and instrumental delivery, because a certain number of inductions end up in each one. Is that being looked into? Is that being accounted for? Is patient choice being respected? (It sounds like it is by the doctors and the midwives in maternity, but there is a distinct lack of respect from the press and potentially the public.)

In terms of facilities, staffing and many other things, as a country we are failing. The number of services which are poorly rated is horrendous and doesn't reflect on the work done by the incredibly kind and caring staff who just want to do their best, but are overworked, underpaid, sometimes potentially undertrained and generally taking the brunt of it when things are not going to plan. Like everywhere in the NHS, funding is being focused in some areas and not others, because it's not an unlimited pot, and things like infant feeding teams are seeing a rise in the number of people successfully breastfeeding in most timescales (and it is beneficial even in the shortest timescales) and the success of skin to skin contact in the early hours of babies lives, which encourages a number of good outcomes for both mother and baby. Alongside that, they're dealing with things like an increase in the number of overwhelmed parents and an increase in shaken baby syndrome in certain areas, and the necessary learning for parents in those areas to try and prevent that rise from continuing or being replicated elsewhere. I guess my biggest concern with this data is, and this is who cares, and why do they care, because if it's not for the right reasons - aka, looking into why, carefully examining if there's a problem and how to address that problem or problems etc instead of just demonising women for choosing to give birth in a way that feels safe and comfortable for them - then I kind of don't want to hear it. Especially because, whilst we happen to be on the subject, C sections are hard, and C section recovery can be brutal, and these women are having to return home with a newborn, a scar and, if they're lucky, someone at home for two weeks to help them out, but we all know that the financial strain on people is currently ever increasing so it's hard to judge anyone who decided they simply could not afford to take paternity leave. In that position, a woman can be left at home, alone, with a baby, and even in the situation where this is her first and only child, there are tasks she will need to do for that child that she shouldn't be doing yet because she is recovering from a major operation that is often treated like child's play. We need to do better for fathers or second parents or whatever you want to call them, but that also then means doing better by mothers, birthing people, again, whatever. If people need to use that as a reason, so be it. Not everyone can bounce back in two weeks or less. Not everyone is physically or mentally ready to take on the task of being solely responsible for themselves and another tiny little life who can't ask for what they need, can't tell you what's wrong and cries as their best way to communicate. Life is hard at the moment, finances are stretched, it is a hard time of year to be feeling the pinch, too, and sometimes it feels like everything is just piled on at the point that you're having a baby and if your only reaction to that is "having a baby was your choice" then honestly, you don't realise how f***ed the economy will be if people don't start having babies, because there is already not enough of them.