I woke up in the night last week, not long after I had gone to sleep, but long enough that I hadn't been asleep for long, and I was able to bash through a synopsis of that story I was muddling through in my mind. It's strange, because I've felt for a while that I was going through the motions with writing and it was almost like I had fell out of love with it, again, and I wasn't really sure how to bring myself back around to loving it the way I have before. I mean, it's not November, and it's not NaNoWriMo, and I never feel quite the same about it outside of that, but there has been a few times recently where I have genuinely felt like it was a slog, a complete and utter uphill battle, and that is how I know, or it is one of the ways I know, I have been mentally struggling recently. It was a great feeling when I woke up, even if it stopped me from sleeping for a little while, because spontaneous ideas like that are actually a sign of recovery, or that I'm doing better than I thought I was doing. For a little while I was of the opinion that everything had gone to hell in a handbasket, so it was nice to know that it wasn't all as bad as it seemed.
Sitting here now I'm thinking I just need to hit the writing, or particuarly the blog writing bit, with the same energy that I do everything else. Today at lunch time I knew I just needed to go right ahead and sew together the outfit that I wanted to make into a dress, and I did it. I did it wrong the first time, but then I took it apart again and I was able to get it together. There was an issue with my carpet in the living room, and so I went ahead and ordered replacement flooring, because I was going to get it anyway and the last thing I wanted was to wait with the issue that it currently has for any longer than I reasonably had to. When I throw myself into the solutions for my problems, it seems to go better than if I let myself panic about it and try and think myself to a solution for it. Who would have imagined that thinking would be the part that causes the issues!?
Anyway, I am recommiting myself to trying to write every day, and accepting that that will not always go well, and it won't always be pretty, but most importantly that the world isn't ending if I can't do it. Struggling a little bit for a short amount of time, or a longer amount of time, is a part of life. Even when it is uncomfortable, it is a part of life, and the best thing is to just get on with it.
