Okay, so maybe it's a little bit early, because most people wait until they have their anatomy scan, where they can typically find out if their little they (how are people so happy to call a baby it??) is a girl or a boy, you know, if they want to know, but I have been too excited about this for weeks already to not share it. In case you've not cottoned on yet, my partner and I are expecting a baby.
It's so strange because we've known for months (the bare minimum that it takes to be able to use the word months, but months all the same) and have essentially been told to restrict who we talk to about it until we're into the second trimester, and I understand that, I really do, but I have also wanted to raise a banner and wear a sash to say something like 'precious cargo', 'mama to be' or something similar even though things like that really give me the ick. I've wanted to shout it from the rooftops because the general consensus is that news of a baby is good news and it is news which should be shared.
Sharing this news always comes with a myriad of questions, so here they are and here's the answers, or as much as I am happy to share on a public forum:
When are you due?
Winter/late 2025.
Do you know what you're having yet?
No, we don't. We've had the 12 week scan, and everything was good as far as we've been told, but at that stage of development, foetuses don't have external genitalia which can indicate the sex of the baby.
Were you trying?
This is such a weird question. It's so strange that in the context of pregnancy people feel okay to ask about your sex life.
Were you surprised?
Honestly, yes, because whether you are trying or not, and again, stop asking people that, but the answer doesn't matter in whether you are/were surprised when it happened, because it can be surprise that it's happened at all, surprised at the timing because of the stresses of life and other things happening at the same time, or because you've only just started trying, or you've been trying for ages and nothing was happening or because you weren't trying.
Are you happy?
Whilst I appreciate that some people might think that if you're sharing the news of a pregnancy then the answer to this question must be a yes, it isn't always. I actually quite like this as a question because it gives you the opportunity to respond with the right sort of energy and support. If someone is shocked or overwhelmed, hyperactive Tigger energy is going to add to their discomfort, but if they're really happy and you're response seems a little deflated, that can be really tough to take as well, and being pregnant can be hard enough as it is.
Yes, I'm happy. We're both happy.
Do you have a name picked out yet?
Nope. We've tentatively agreed to defer this until after the next scan so we only have one list of names to bicker over. (I'm mostly kidding), but I think we might also be one of those couples who reserve the right to change their minds when the baby is born because you need to meet the baby before being sure about their name or risk their name just not suiting them.
Can I touch your bump?
Okay, so no one has asked me this one yet, but someone did touch my stomach (in the wrong place for where the baby is and they are very lucky I was behaving that day) because I don't like to be touched, for one thing, but for another, just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean my body is suddenly under public ownership. Anyone should ask before touching someone who is pregnant, but also, don't ask to touch the bump, wait to be asked. If you're not being asked, it's probably because the person who is pregnant doesn't want to be touched. Maybe I'll feel differently when they start to kick and when those kicks can be felt by someone who is not me, but trying to touch my belly doesn't help my baby bond with you, it makes me want to start breaking fingers...
I get that I might sound like a grouch with this, but there are already a lot of things where my body doesn't feel like my own in this "process" so adding to that is just not advisable for other people and not acceptable for me.
Have you announced it on Facebook?
No, I haven't, and neither has my partner. It's been a bit of a strange one, because as I said earlier, you're advised not to share it too widely before twelve or thirteen weeks, but an alarming number of people had guessed, and also with the wild amount of nausea I was having, we shared with a few people before that time because they were around us so often that they would have soon figured it out anyway.
After that we kind of went through a list of people we didn't want to find out via social media, and really, that list was a lot longer than we expected it to be, with more people added to it as we spoke to them. The awesome thing with that has been that 99% of people know it's happy news and have been extremely happy for us, which has been a joy.
It's not just about the number of people we thought should find out in a different way than a post on social media, but I have struggled to find the words to speak about them sometimes, so trying to figure out what to say on Facebook or similar has been difficult, and I knew before I had the scan that I didn't want to share photos of the scan in any way. To me, that's a part of my medical data and I don't want it to be out there on the internet for potentially anyone to see or access.
Is it twins?
I got asked this so many times before the scan, and I really needed to stop answering with 'Oh God I hope not' but I was hoping not! I didn't think I would cope with twins and I still don't think I would, but the sonographer told us there is only one, we just don't know their sex, so they're they rather than it.
