Title Was Longer Than I Wanted It To Be,

 I was going to name this blog post "Today I Made Some Decisions That I Would Make Again, Despite The Outcome Not Being What I Wanted It To Be." 

Since moving back to Manchester, whether we are classing that as two years ago or six months ago when I bought this house, I've been trying to reconnect with friends I haven't seen for a long time, and people I haven't spoken to in a long time as well. 

Despite the fact that plans went awry today, I don't regret making the plans I made to meet up with one of my friends. I don't regret that, in order to get a lie-in, and have more time to spend getting ready, I decided I was going to take an Uber to get there, despite the fact that the cost was something like three times what it would have cost on public transport.

The thing is, I was investing my money and my time into myself just as much as someone else. It was good for me to get out to a place I knew and hopefully with someone different. I spent today feeling safe outside of my home and outside of the environment I've spent the last two years in, but whilst my mum did need to come to the rescue so that I didn't need to get an Uber home or face a 35-minute walk and then two buses with an anxious dog, she did better than I imagined that she would have done. 

My dog spent today saying hi to more people than she normally does and not freaking out when the other doggies barked. She sat on my knee in the Uber and was so brave. I am so thrilled that she's as brave as she is. 

Then later on in the day, I learned that I woke up this morning to a world without a friend of mine, and I honestly can't say that I can put my finger on how I feel right now about that. Yes, I'm sad, I'm devastated really, and I'm angry because it shouldn't have come to this, but other than that, I'm still in a stage of utter disbelief. But knowing he's not here makes me even more glad that, even though I didn't get to spend the time with the friend I was trying to spend time with today, I put in the effort, because my friend knows I put in that effort, and he knows we need to try again to meet up, and losing one friend makes me realise even more how much I need to hold onto the others. We all need to hold onto each other.