I Need More Time,

 I realise this is a thing that a lot of people say, but my God, I feel like I need more time. 

I spend however many hours a week working, whether that's in the office or at home, and then outside of that I'm involved in a Scout Troop and a Cub Pack at two separate groups and have all of my own hobbies as well, I have my dog, I have family to spend time with, I have my friends to try (mostly fail, but still try!) and keep up with and somewhere in all of that find time to do things like cooking and cleaning and laundry and all the other gumpf that people have to do and sometimes I feel like I'm meeting myself coming backwards. I get that most people would say drop some of the hobbies or the Scouting or other things, but I don't want to because at the end of the day, that's my life. 

I like my job, I enjoy it, but it's not the sort of thing where I think 'this is my absolute passion and if I did nothing else, that would be fine'. Being completely honest, I go to work to do my job, earn my money and then come home and do everything else. I know that's most people as well, and unfortunately that's just the way that life works out; not everyone can spend their life working in a field that they are passionate about, because ultimately there are some things that not many people are going to have that kind of passion for that still need to get done. I accept that completely, but it means that I need all the time I can have outside of work to make me feel like I'm actually having a life. Without it, it's just eat, sleep, work, repeat, and that sounds awful to me. I realise that might sound privileged, but it doesn't sound like much of a life at all to be forced into that pattern. However, I also know that when I'm doing as many other things as I do, other things fall by the wayside, as they have to, because everyone only has a limited amount of time. 

I mentioned about working towards a qualification in yesterday's post and I am working towards it and doing what I can for it, but somehow I have to magic up a lot of free time out of seemingly nowhere to practice the skills I need for it to have any chance of passing and the thing I'm working towards right now is only level 1, with the potential for a few more levels after it if I decided I wanted to go for it. I've not really made a decision that far just yet, but that's partly because I want to get through this bit first before I even let myself think about anything further. Trying to find the time for myself, and it be time when other people are available, is more than a challenge and honestly, it's a bit infuriating. I almost regret moving out of my flat in London only because there were services to keep up with some things (like laundry services) just on my doorstep and honestly there are quite a few tasks I would love to be able to just pay someone to take off of my hands. There's this whole theory of how it's not just money that means different things to different people but it's time as well. If you're a person who can afford a cleaner, to pay for someone to wash your car, tidy your garden, walk your dog and do all those sorts of tasks that take up time but might not bring you joy (I mean normal poop walk kind of dog walks, not big walks where you get to have a bit of an adventure - my dog can't do those every day since she only has little legs) an extra hour goes straight to either something like wellbeing or hobbies or something you want to do, but if you have all of those things to do, an extra hour disappears in a flash to all of those jobs and little things, and honestly, it's maddening! And the best answer anyone can give to it is, that's life. Well, I get that, but it doesn't make it any less irritating knowing that when I take time off of work a lot of it goes onto either errands or jobs in the house instead of things like sitting in a kayak and going on an adventure.