This is not the blog that I was originally going to be writing, but I went downstairs to fetch my laptop, grab some food (because no matter what I eat I feel sick, but if I don't eat, I feel sick so might as well at least try) and by the time I got back upstairs I had forgotten what I was going to write about and so needed to think of something else. Incidentally, a single word in this paragraph triggered my memory of what I was going to write, which is really helpful!
(She says and then goes on to write the blog that she was going to write and ignore this one instead so by the time she comes back to it, things are different than where they were when she was starting to write it... I'm going to write it from that perspective as best I can and then there'll be a follow up...)
I don't know if it's just late stage pregnancy or not (spoiler alert: it wasn't) but moving around at the moment is difficult and although all I want to do is get some things finished, organise the baby's room and help myself feel ready for the arrival of my little boy, I am pretty much confined to the sofa at the moment.
I was sat here wallowing in self pity for a little while and thought, how useful would it be to have a robot like SERVO from the original Sims game, because the ability to ask something to do something for me, whether it be picking me up off the floor when I can't get up or going up and down the stairs for me, because stairs are evil, or even doing something like lifting things that I can't lift safely whilst pregnant, would be amazing. I could ease the frustrations I've been feeling from being essentially completely out of action by having that sort of help. My partner has been doing when he can, when he's here, friends have been trying to help out as well, and our parents are doing their best, but there's a limit to what people can do, particularly as most of them are working and can't be here all of the time.
(Okay, I can't really write from the perspective where I didn't know what was happening now that I know what's happening, so I'm just going to get into this now.)
All along my pregnancy, there have been issues of some description. I'm thankful that the issues that I have been having have all been issues with me rather than issues with the baby, but they have been frequent and it's been driving me mad.
The latest thing has been pelvic pain, but not just the normal pelvic girdle pain that I have had for weeks or months (I'm not good with timelines) but a much more severe pain that I wasn't sure if it was connected to the fact that I also couldn't keep food down properly. I kept having wretching episodes where my entire body was shaking, pulling on the muscles that were already hurting, so I was being sick but couldn't get across to the bathroom when I needed to because I was in too much pain to be able to get off of the sofa. I thought that this was just a progression of the pelvic girdle pain and the indigestion because I was so far along, my little man was getting so large and heavy and everything would be back to normal within the next month (because due dates are forty weeks and you are able to go beyond that by a couple of weeks before the conversation about being induced changes to this is a need rather than a suggestion.)
After the growth scan it was found that the baby had slightly more fluid around him than was optimal, and whilst he was absolutely fine, it's likely that this is what was causing me to be more sick than usual and also could have been contributing to the increased pelvic pain, but that also could have been his head, because he's been ready and in position to come out for a few weeks, and I'm not really sure exactly what he is waiting for.
Thankfully, when I was hobbling into the appointment with the consultant after my scan, the doctor asked if I was okay or if I had had an accident, and I said no, I'm just in a lot of pain, particularly after I've been sat down and had to get up and get going, or if I've been walking a lot. Essentially there is a small amount of walking I can do that doesn't hurt, but getting to that involves some pain, because everything sort of seizes up when I stop. The doctor's first reaction was, I think you need to be induced, just for your own quality of life. My first thought in response to that was oh, thank duck for that. Even though it's been hard, I have loved being pregnant (for some of it at the very least) but at this stage I am really ready for it to be done and to be holding our little man rather than carrying him as I am at the moment. I know inductions can be tricky and they're not always pleasant, but at least having the appointment gives a timeframe, particularly a shorter timeframe, when the symptoms I'm currently struggling with will be done with and even if what comes next is difficult, it's a different kind of difficult to right now and it's a kind of difficult that other people can help out with more than they can at the moment. I'm also really glad that it happening at the beginning of when my partner is on leave for Christmas means we'll have something close to a month together to get used to being parents and to bond with our little guy.
I will admit, it's kind of terrifying in one way, because from when I'm drafting this (on a Friday) we've got one weekend, then he's in work for a couple of days, and then we'll be going into the hospital and life will change incredibly, but completely. During that one weekend we have a list as long as my arm that we want to get through in order to be 'ready' for the little guy to arrive. There is still so much to be done at the new house, though we have been prioritising things for the last few weeks because we knew we wouldn't be able to get everything done. We need to have a spare room available in case anyone needs to come stay with us. We need to be able to put the baby's clothes and things away and we need to try and get rid of some of the stuff in the house that we just don't need to be here, because we're moving around a lot of things at the moment that are unnecessary.
Naturally though, this is contingent upon the idea that he doesn't decide that he's going to come early, and I'm still not a hundred percent convinced that he's not going to decide that he won't be told what to do, and arrive earlier than the induction date. Whilst I don't mind is he does that, and actually I would be somewhat amused, I think it would cause a lot of stress for after his arrival because we won't have had the chance to get things even a little bit more sorted, and the newborn stage is going to be hectic enough as it is, particularly getting used to feeding and changing and getting him to sleep and for us both (as in, his parents) to make sure we are sleeping and eating and everything else as well.
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