Conducting the Internal Orchestra,

Whilst NaNoWriMo was rolling along - by which I mean my own submission, as I know the competition continues for another 7 days - I was attempting to write a blog every day, however I obviously failed in this endeavor. I should also admit that I failed to write anything towards my NaNo project every day, however the important part to me is that the 50'000 word target was reached, and it was reached in 19 days, because I had a bit of a roll. 
I managed two days that were over 10k and one day that was only about 90 words short. Trust me, that's pretty special after I didn't have a 10k day last year. 

Granted, this is not the standard of Yours, which admittedly I do still need to finish editing, and I was sort of distracted by the fact that all I wanted to do was sit down and write more of my new favourite project, Dreaming in Colour, but the beauty of it was this. I proved that I can force myself to sit down and write 1667 words+ in a day. I proved that I can function within my friendships and my relationship and, in some ways, in my studies whilst also working on a novel which has taken over 99.9% of my brain. It's just a shame that that can't continue after my piece of writing is finished. 

Most of you probably get that my life is a very fast paced mash up of a lot of things. At the moment, I feel like I'm trying to perform the circus trick of spinning plates on the top of sticks, but instead of performing it like a total Master of the Trade (Mistress sounded too suggestive...) I'm letting my very Greek inclinations come out and instead of spinning the plates, I'm dropping them or throwing them to the floor, then dancing around clicking my fingers in this sort of fashion. 

In a way, getting through life is like conducting this internal orchestra, getting all the timings of things right, telling which voices in your brain are allowed to pipe up at what time, because it's slightly ridiculous to be worrying about certain things now when they're bloody months away, right? But currently, I'm trying to do this conducting with a tea spoon and a bar of chocolate, because it's about the only way I can stop myself blowing a fuse of biting people's heads clean off.

The fact is, university is stressful, even when you only have lectures for six hours a week, there is more to it than that. Work is stressful, especially retail towards Christmas, and having to think about all the things you have to do for the role you're currently doing, and a role you may be looking at, and fitting it around everything else in your life. My health is currently stressful, and I can't wait to see if and when my medication kicks in and I start feeling less ill and sleeping better without taking Nytol. Being in therapy is really stressful, because things that are wrong with you now are mostly caused by things that happened in the way back when of your existence and going back over that isn't something that's easy. 

Do you know what else is stressful? Writing. It is really stressful, because you'll be constantly thinking your're spending too much time on writing or observing and not enough time on the other. Even when you've finished something, you have to think about editing it, what you want to do with it next and then getting it through a whole different process, which in itself is another stress, because it's like a birth, but you have a choice in it. Mother's have no choice in giving birth to the baby they have been nurturing, but as a novelist, you have to bring yourself to give birth to your creation, to give it life and let it leave you, and let the world think what it will. When your writing is your art, that is a very difficult thing to do. 

The point of this blog is more than venting, in a way, because I want anyone who is still battling through the trials of NaNo and all the lovely winter diseases and distractions and procrastination stations to know that it is possible, whether it's your first or your fourteenth, it's easy to think of this as one of the labours which Heracles was spared from, but it's not.
It would also be nice if some of those annoying people who bitch about students without knowing anything about how trying it can be read it and either shut up or lowered their voices a little bit. It also might be nice if the same happened to a few of those lovely buggers who don't think of writing as a profession. 

But even if not, I've done something today. After a day with my boyfriend and a shift in work, I've sat down and I've written something, with imperfections, and given it out to the world. Today, for the first time since I published the last blog on here, I gave up something I had written, because it's not just for me. 

I can't wait to be ready to do that with Yours,, and for other people to be ready to do that with what is their's. 

3015~

I'd say that's a healthy start, right?

So, yes, I was one of those people who stayed up until midnight+ and started writing just on the start line. I love to do it, because I find it really hard to wake up and see what time in the morning it is, know that precious hours of November have already slipped away and my word count is still at zero. 

I stayed up until four due to a multitude of reasons:

1. Though my laptop is no longer on the brink of extinction  I have been rather wary about loading software onto it. The trial for Microsoft ran out yesterday, so I needed to get some new software and get it fast. Thanks to the new running speed of my laptop, OpenOffice was downloaded and fully installed in under ten minutes. 
2. One of my friends wanted to chat, so we stayed on the phone for about an hour and a half while we discuss life, the universe and motorbikes.
3. NaNoWriMo  Manchester have a pretty awesome set of people who stay up and chatter until it no longer looks like too ridiculous a time in the morning to be awake. While this is a good thing, it is a little worrying. 
4. I wanted a good start, and I'd say 3015 is just that. Since I don't have much else to do today, I think today could be it. It  has the potential to be one of those wonderful 10k days. Check back tomorrow to see if I make it.

Unfortunately these don't count towards my word count, so that's enough from me!

Dear November,

Are you getting nervous yet, because I'm getting nervous!! In a way, the start of NaNoWriMo feels like Christmas Eve. Chris Baty is Santa and the novel you will start - and hopefully finish - is the best present that you can ever get yourself. Except maybe the over bath tray from Butlers with two wine glass holders: that would be pretty amazing, too. It even holds your book up while you're... No, your novel is the best gift because you can point at it whenever somebody else or even that horrible little voice inside your head tries to tell you that there's something you can't do. You can quite literally turn around to it and say, I wrote a NOVEL, that's 50 THOUSAND WORDS in A SINGLE MONTH, come at me bro. 

Anyway, we're not there yet are we. There are no words on the page yet - or there shouldn't be unless you live in one of the time zones where it's already Friday - there may be ideas in your head, there may not, there may be characters, but perhaps you have not a clue. Here's the thing, IT DOESN'T MATTER. 

From my own experience, I know writing a load of crap is better than not writing, because you read it and you know why it's crap. The first few days of NaNo2010 I had no idea what I wanted to write, the results of which (my beloved Fairies) is now available on Kindle worldwide. My entire novel for NaNo2011 was eventually deleted because I became bored with the idea, but I proved to myself that I could sit down and write it. I have also contemplated using the characters for other things because I loved them so much by the end. NaNo 2012 I started with a vague sense of a sort of idea and the novel that came out was completely different, but I think it was my best work to date and I love that. All you need to remember is that if NaNoWriMo is providing the pressure that it takes you to work, it's doing something right. 

Saying that, sometimes you need to remember that not making 50'000 words does not make you a failure. In 2009, I wrote 22'000 words. It was the most I had ever written on one idea, it was the shortest time I had taken to write anything, but I was blinded by these neon lights someone installed into my brain telling me I had failed. I kicked myself for the whole year until I had another chance. Last year, I finished NaNo in 20 days, but not having a day where I wrote 10'000 words left me kicking myself once more. I wrote between 6-8k and it still wasn't enough. If you are like me in that you see the failures more than you see the achievements, please do something for me when crossing the finish line. Don't look at the buddies charts, don't look at the graph showing how you measure up to your original goal - instead cast your eyes to the top of the website and look at your word count. 

What your word count is, what it stands for, is all the work you have put in during November, when the world has been throwing homework, colds, kids, jobs, life, trees in your path right in the way. It stands for all the things you have fought against to get what you have there and what you didn't have before November. No matter what November brings, if you take on the NaNo beast you definitely deserve a medal and a cup of tea at the end. 

So get your freezer stocked with pizza, pack up your biscuit tin with goodies, hang the do not disturb sign, stretch your fingers and finally, put the kettle on. 

NaNoWriMo is one of the only marathons where you don't have balloons and crowds cheering you on by the side lines. Six and a half hours to go Europe. London, are you ready? Manchester, are you ready? Everybody else, are you ready? 

COME ON YOU WRIMOS!! 

As a side note, if you're not a participant and you happen to see a writer huddled over their laptop in the corner of the room, get them a pack of biscuits; they'll appreciate it. Well, they will after November.