As people, we are bound to screw up. We are bound to do it at least once a day, pretty religiously if I'm honest and sometimes it's such a monumental screw up that we wonder how on Earth we could have let it happen. I've really been experiencing this lately.
There are so many things we can screw up in so many ways and I don't intend to make a list of them right now; it would be completely useless, not to mention endless.
When we screw up, it's really easy to feel like everyone is rehashing our mistakes to us, giving us the same lecture and everybody is judging us for what we've done, but recently I have had to hand it to my friends - they've not been doing that.
I know I have messed up, I really do, and trying to figure out why I did it and what the hell happened to me has been, and continues to be, a more than somewhat painful process. I've talked to a close group of my friends about what has happened, and I don't mean simply mentioned what has occurred, I mean REALLY gone over it with a tooth comb with these boys and tried to get to the heart of it, and what I've found is this:
These men, as I should refer to them really, have been condemning my actions, reminding me very gently that what I have done is wrong, but then one went over everything and, because he knows me so well, pointed out very bluntly the issues I was having that I was struggling to see, while remaining completely supportive of me, one offered me hope as to how to myself in the aftermath and another continued the work of the other two in making me take my mind off it for a little while and just enjoy the moment.
Everyone goes on about this YOLO thing. I accept it to an extent, but I won't let that make me see actions as a) without consequence or b) to ever be undertaken lightly. The thing is though that for the last few months my life has been a lot of work and not much else on account of how anti-social my hours and my sleep pattern became. It's difficult to try and see your friends when you finish work at eleven at night and can be back in from half five the next morning. Granted I wasn't doing that every day, but my body got used to grabbing a few hours of sleep just as and when I could get it. It's nice though that my friends are trying to reintroduce normalcy into my life in order to help me sort my head out with all this crap.
Truly, I have the most beautiful of friends.
Charlie x
<3
P.s. Listen to Esbjorn Svensson Trio - Believe, Beloved, Below
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