Twenty minutes after I woke up today, I got a call from a friend. The last time she called me, she was telling me that she got into York University, which made me completely elated, since I had been worried about her since I moved, the time before that - we have Facebook, negating the need for actually phone conversation - it was to tell me that a friend had committed suicide. Today, it was that someone from our college, someone from our classes, has been murdered, and she only found out through Facebook.
The reason I'm publishing this on the internet for anyone and everyone to read is because I have literally no idea how on Earth I feel about it, except that I'm angry with something. For the first time since I got it, I took my Taize necklace off and threw it across the room, wanting to leave it where it landed when I move on Sunday, but then I realised something... At times like this, you can choose to do two things: you can either cling to the things which are dear to you, or you can reject them completely, so I picked it back up and made a vow to myself that come hell, high water or a few inches of snow, I'm going to go to church this week, like I have been meaning to since the university year started back. (This year I don't live on site and don't have a lecture beforehand, so there is nothing to force me to be on the site, and therefore in the chapel. I'm not overly great at kicking my own ass to go). I've also decided that - even though I'm going to be travelling on the poverty wagon (aka the bus) for a grand total of nine hours, just to spend six hours in Manchester - I'm going home to see some of the people who took the time to make my life a lot easier for a couple of years. I've been meaning to go back since I left, but I just, haven't. I guess part of that is that I know that the college isn't the same place that I started at three and a half years ago. They expanded it, and ruined the most beautiful part.
The travelling is going to - not only be a pain in the gonads - drive me to something close to a Charlie version of insanity, which is not pleasant and you ought to stay as far away from it as possible. On the plus side, I will either have a lot of time to veg out and think about all the nasty and horrible ways I want to mess with my characters (drama is what makes my novels vaguely interesting after all) or maybe even to get some writing done. Or editing, but don't get your hopes up, because that is unlikely.
Although, seeing Yours, on Kindle for the first time will be exciting stuff, and I will be better off having something to focus on, instead of just stewing on whatever I'm thinking for the entire journey...
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