To Life,

So, as I mentioned in my last blog, I recently started a new job and it's ... I don't know what it is really. It's the sort of job that I really enjoy, because it's a process which is fantastic, because it gives me time to zone out when I have 'bad days' and that's a truly beautiful thing, then again, when hiccups happen in that process - which they do, all the time - I find myself getting frustrated and then distracted, because my brain doesn't seem to realise that there are problems which there is simply no point in fixing. The amount of aggravation involved makes it just not worth it.

One of the other problems with it is that my natural sleeping pattern doesn't have me waking up at 6am, and although that can easily be counteracted with an alarm, it's not so easy to force yourself to go to sleep. Unfortunately, there is no real way of making your brain go into stand by mode, which means I can have the best intentions of going to bed at 10pm but that doesn't mean it happens. Trust me, it rarely ever does.

Don't get me wrong, I've worked those kind of hours before, but I'm starting to understand why my mother is always so stressed out. Suddenly I'm trying to deal with a lot of cooking, and cleaning and other arrangements for things like house mates, and at some point I should probably get around to learning to drive, but where that's supposed to fit in, I really don't know. Up until about 1am today I hadn't been behind the wheel of a car in 3 years, which is crazy. 

And then there's writing... At the moment, I'm sat at a computer for the whole day, typing, but not for a novel or anything - for a job that actually pays, and by the time I come home, almost the last thing I want to do is get back behind a computer. I think it's only beaten by the washing up. If that were the only thing that seems to have gone puff out of my life recently, it wouldn't be so bad, but I don't read, I don't knit, let's face it, I never actually did the ironing for that to go out of the window. All I want is cuddles and sleep, maybe a little bit of a how was your day conversation. Is that too Disney and sickening?

I remember thinking, when I was young and naive(er) that life could only get easier as you grew up, because you had more freedom, and no parents watching over you. I wish I could go back in time and laugh in the face of that. Even still, I love my job, I love my house, I love the fact that this time next year, I will (fingers crossed, touching wood and avoiding ladders) graduate, and be able to think about a whole new chapter. 

So cheers to life; every complicated bit of it.