I'm sat here thinking about how tired I am already and the temptation is to go to sleep, but if I get into bed for a nap now then I won't get up until the morning and I really want to start writing tonight, because I finally have a goal in mind. The problem is that the anxiety is kicking my ass.
Part of it is anxiety that I won't finish NaNoWriMo, even though I also know that that is not an option for me these days. Part of it is the anxiety that comes of looking at a blank page, but the great thing about the new software I downloaded is that it let's you put a graphic as the background stationary instead of just a blank page, which is comforting, and relaxing or could be inspiring. I'm really concerned that I may have taken on too much this year, but I also know that I need to use NaNo to build myself back to being okay. I need to do this to build my confidence back, because it took a massive knock recently.
The thing is that anxiety does a couple of things when you're writing - some are horrendous, like making you doubt every single word. Some of the things it does though, some are amazing. I channel my anxiety through my writing. Writing soothes me and makes me deal with things that I haven't wanted to. It helps me to process things and that's what I love about it. Though, it does make me very snacky for sugary foods and coffee which is less than ideal since caffeine and sugar put anxiety into overdrive.
This NaNoWriMo is going to be fun...
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