I wrote in my last blog that there is a lot that I don' t know in this pregnancy, and I think it's somewhat obvious that it's been causing me a bit of anxiety and a bit of stress, but it's not just about all of the physical changes and everything that happens when labour turns a bump from a baby. One of the biggest influences in mental health, particularly poor mental health is social media. Whilst it can be a great source of information, and it has been great for me for being able to learn things about labour and post-partum that I didn't know before, it's also true to say that there are a lot of things out there that, whether they are made to do this purposely or not, there is so much content on the internet that promotes anxiety or the feeling of people not being good enough and I think this is amplified for parents. This might just be a situational thing because becoming a parent is both what is on my mind and on all of my feeds, but there is so much about everything you should be doing for you baby and their development, even before they have arrived and it's like there is a desire to instil Mum Guilt early.
Before I got pregnant I had read up about a Snoo, and it's the one thing that I feel like I wasn't "influenced" into feeling a certain way about. I read a lot of reviews about it, watched videos about what it is and how it works and why it works, and it's something that only appeared on my socials feeds very recently; months after we bought it. There are other things like nappies where I've relied on the advice of friends who are parents, but there has been a lot where we've had to make decisions despite feeling like we're in information overload with conflicting information that really amounts to nothing more than just people's opinions on products. There are so many things on the market and so many opinions about them, and whilst I understand that people parent in different ways and parenting fits into people's lifestyles in different ways I've always felt like there needs to be a 'right' answer for things, and that is really not the case with things like this. Some people swear by the Tommy Tippee nappy bin with the cassettes of bin liners in it, and other people say that they all smell so you might as well save yourself some money and just buy a cheap bin and scented liners. There are some people who think wipe warmers are vital, so the shock of a cold wipe doesn't startle their poor baby, but then there are others that roll their eyes at the mere mention of them, and other people still that suggest using a cold wipe to swipe across the baby's tummy before a nappy change to make sure that if they were holding in a pee, they do it before you change them to save that experience of them wetting a fresh on nappy and needing to start the whole process all over again. There are some who create a whole nursery, and others who suggest that changing tables are just not worth the money that you spend on them.
I was ready for the idea that mothers were split into the camps of breast is best and fed is best, as in some people are evangelical about breast feeding and think that even when there are struggles, difficulties and such like, everyone should try to breastfeed and when it feels impossible, they should keep trying, and others who think the way that a baby is fed is more important, and somehow these two sets of people are pitted against each other. Worse still there are then camps for parents believing in vaccines and then so called anti-vaxxers, and they get pitted against each other, too, and whilst there is a lot of commonality if you plotted the two on a venn diagram then they wouldn't perfectly overlap, and the more things you add in the worse it becomes. It almost feels as though there is a need to split mums and parents into factions, and honestly, that feels scarier than anything.
It feels like staying out of the debate isn't an option, but it also feels like trying to get information on anything is harder than ever because whilst there is so much out there 'content' wise, there's always a question of ulterior motives. People are either being paid by companies, or given freebies by companies, or they had expectations of one thing and it wasn't met and they want to go scorched earth on a company. People who are already parents will tell you something is brilliant because they're looking to sell their old things on, whilst I understand that, because a lot of these things are really expensive, it makes the task of 'finding the right answer' even more difficult. In the end, it's about making decisions you can live with and making the best decisions that you can.
I bought a pram that I knew was too big for my car, partly because I knew I wanted to change the car anyway, and partly because I wasn't overly convinced by the hype around the only sorts of prams that would fit into my car, let alone the price tags on them. Every time someone tells me that it's too big, too cumbersome, too heavy and I will regret it, I have to remind myself of how much I love it, both the design and the colours and everything. Every time someone tries pushing a different brand of nappies than we decided to go for, I'm trying to just smile, nod and just let it roll off of me. And every time I hear someone complain about types of wipes, types of nappies or types of bath products I try and remind myself that every parent is different and every baby is different. Some of these things are going to come down to generational differences, like how particularly since COVID new parents don't want people that don't live with their babies to kiss them, and don't want strangers to touch their babies whereas my grandparents generation just want to show love to all tiny humans, because it brings them joy. Some will be different priorities, things like disposable nappies being more convenient and reusables are more environmentally friendly, or some people choosing to not have photos of their children on social media and others posting something of a digital record for their child. People are bound to take advice from influencers and podcasts and such like, and unfortunately social media very often shows you content which either reinforces a view you already have, or similar types of posts and videos to what you have seen or engaged with before, but as long as we know it is an echo chamber and we can look for alternative information, it's not too much of a worry, but I guess I still worry about whether I have enough information, or too much, or who to believe, and there is always a temptation to turn my social media profiles off for a while to stop me from looking at them, because honestly, I think more often than not they just make me feel worse, but I probably won't.
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