When Anxiety Takes the Wheel

I have written on here about my anxiety before, and I know I have said that how much I sleep affects it. Honestly, as soon as I'm tired, it's like I give up the will to fight against it and all I want to do is curl up in a ball under the desk and pretend that everything that is hard and everything that hurts isn't there, because then it would be easier, wouldn't it? Thankfully, I'm stubborn, so I think I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times I have actually done that. 

I've been meaning to get some things done for a project for weeks. It got a green light pre-COVID and I really wanted to start making a move on it, but it's a fear thing. It's always something that I have thought I shouldn't have to make myself do, but the problem with that is that if I don't make myself do it, it just doesn't get done, so after a couple of good night's sleep (and a trip out this morning to the shops where I bought a couple of new pairs of shoes...) I decided to get on and do it, because, for once, the anxiety is more of a buzz in the background and there's something in the foreground yelling at it to be quiet, and though that's not as good as it can get, it's good enough for me to try and get on with things I have wanted to be doing, so today I'm going to spend some time looking at creating websites and see if I can get to the stage where I'm happy enough to dive into the other project I want to do, which requires me to be able to do all of this stuff with at least a limited degree of success. Or I might get too tired, take a nap and go back to reading my book. Ruling nothing out at the moment. 

Well, no, that's not true. I am ruling out walking around the house in my new heels because they are pretty and comfortable, but I would likely forget I was wearing them and have to chase Teddy outside to stop him eating soil, and would ruin the shoes in the process or I would forget I was wearing them, walk into either the kitchen or the bathrooms and ruin the flooring and that is more than my life is currently worth, so they just need to sit and look pretty on my bed until I can find somewhere else to put them until I find a time to wear them, which may be a long while off yet, unfortunately. 

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