I don't want to write this and sound like a parrot or make anyone think that I think I'm Martin Lewis or anything because I definitely do not, but holy hell on toast, it feels like the world has gone completely mad.
My mum told me when you buy a house you never have money again, and honestly, I haven't really felt that at all since buying my place six months ago. I've done a few jobs that needed doing, though not as much as I have wanted to which might be the reason I haven't really felt "the pinch" of homeownership.
I'm pretty spoilt (well, no, privileged but I hate that word) because I have a decent job, I recently found out I was retaining an allowance I got for being in London and I've been helped by family to afford learning to drive, but as these changes to bills have been coming around, as all the bills seem to be increasing!!, I've been making massive financial commitments like buying a car and paying out for my insurance. I would be really naive if I said it wasn't affecting me.
Okay, so I'm not saying it's affecting me how it's affecting others. Obviously, it is not. I do look over at the smart meter before I throw the heating on and I live in my hoodies with two-plus layers of clothing underneath, but that's not because I'm having to be conscious of what I spend so that I know I have enough money to eat for the rest of the month or have the money to feed my dog, but because I'm trying to be more conscious of what I spend on energy. I find that the kind of meter I was left with by the previous owners of the house makes me struggle to really understand what my energy bills look like, but I have been really struggling with anything that feels like life admin recently, so changing over to monthly bills is something I'm going to look at, but only when I feel well enough to do that, but also only when the weather warms up and I don't need to use the heating every day.
The impact it is having on me is anxiety. I have a formal diagnosis of Generalised Anxiety Disorder and when it is bad like it has been recently, it permeates into everything and everything triggers it. Being worried about money means I bulk buy dog food even though I have nowhere really to store it properly. Being anxious means I struggle with food, because I'm too anxious to spend time planning and cooking, but also what I can happily eat changes because a lot of things make me want to be sick. Sometimes it's even before I actually eat though - the thing that I've made gives me the ick and trying to convince myself to eat it is almost pointless.
Whilst it's completely right that there is a lot of discussion about the impacts that these increases are going to have and are already having on the poorest in our society, there are impacts across a larger section of society. I'm sitting here thinking I need to pull the motivation to apply for and get a promotion out of nowhere or I need to get myself a decent side hustle going, but I know there's a lot of people in that sort of position, and a lot that are working themselves into the ground with nothing more to give, and they're still not getting by.
It's all just a bloody mess.
