Get Your Nerd On,

Everybody has their nerd thing. I hate calling it that since the advent of this ridiculous fashion of wearing something, whether it be t-shirt, hoodie or baseball cap, emblazoned with the word, but that is probably more to do with it now being a trend for the types of kids who used to use it as a word to victimise kids like me. I have no time for the trend in all honesty. 

That being said, everybody has their little thing. 

Now, yes, it is true I am a bit of a crazy when it comes to my writing because, heck, I love it, but it is not my nerd thing. My nerd thing, or my current one at least, is Sherlock Holmes. 

One of my friends used to smoke tobacco that he got from the Baker Street museum in a pipe and I loved it. I have loved both Robert Downie Junior's portrayal of my idol in the recent films and also the loving depiction of Sherlock at the end of his days in the more recent film. Incidentally if you haven't yet seen it, watch that one because it is immaculate in so many ways. The acting, just, oh, I can't even get into this right now - I need to sleep at some point tonight...

Well, anyway, it may seem as though I have left out an oh so familiar recent depiction, however I would like to assure you that I most definitely have not and I am just getting to it. 

Recently, I finished reading A Study in Scarlet for the first time. Now, as a Sherlock Holmes fan this seems like a very strange thing, but the problem was that also being a bit of a book nerd I wanted to find the right volumes before I bought them, committed to them and read them, but then I found the entire collection in one paperback volume for about £4 in a charity shop in Balham. I decided that would do, at least for now. 

Having read A Study in Scarlet, and also keeping in mind that New Year's Day will grace us with a new episode (I'm already on the edge of my seat!) I started watching the BBC series with Benedict Cumberbatch again and, well, I fell in love again as I saw that the BBC had done a, oh, here's that word again, immaculate job of transporting that amazing first story aboard the TARDIS and bringing it forward in time to the modern era. It gives it so much life and I adored it. 

It got better when there was the reference to, and I'm not so sure that this was intentional, but I both think and hope so, Alan Turing and the story behind The Imitation Game AKA The  Coventry conundrum. 

If I could take two weeks off of work and just power through the rest of the books, believe me, I would. 

Catch you later....

Priorities,

Christmas and family make you think about your priorities a lot, and with the new year looming people begin to think about New Year's Resolutions. 

I might have mentioned previously that I am taking part in Veganuary. I want to do it to prove to myself that I can, and to explore the different culinary options available. Part of the idea is going to be seeing if I can actually drop the amount of meat products I have in my diet as a long term plan, though the success of that is to be measured later. 

My other "resolution" is to aim, as thoroughly as humanly possible, at getting my own place. 

I don't do overly well living with other humans because I like things to be a certain way. I like to know that when I am planning, on the train home, to cook a meal in a certain way that the knives for cutting things and the board I like are there and ready to be used. I also like to know that no one has eaten any of my ingredients, though that has happened before now. 

As much as I remember the solitude which can be created, because I felt that plenty of times in my little studio flat, it can also be wonderful to be able to come home after a really shitty day and be able to shut the door on everything else. You can shut the door and leave it outside along with anyone that you don't want to invite to cross your threshold. There is a stability and a sense of home which I don't really get from living in a shared house. Granted, I'm going to have to deal with that in case of a significant other, or kids or whatever, but still, it would be nice to have some time and space to myself and it is something I can't wait to create. 

The idea of a home is something really important to me and a lot of the things which are left at my mother's house are actually things I want for my future flat. I would probably have chosen the wall colours by now if I didn't know that it was going to be at least a few years before I was actually able to put paint on my own walls. 

Ah well, onwards and upwards...

Imagine Dragons...Oh Baby, I Do,

With NaNo having been over for more than a week I have finally had time to stand and catch my breath for a minute, though not too long as I'm currently back in Manchester marvelling at my mother's little fur baby and his insistence at "doing a Pudsey" and walking around on his hind legs when he can balance. It's very sweet when he is grabbing your hand between two fluffy paws and babbling at you like a toddler, though he does sound remarkably avian when he does it, which is mildly disconcerting to say the least. I kind of wonder if he is having a little identity crisis and wondering just what kind of animal he is. 

Somehow, it is really strange to try and imagine my mum with a dog, probably because I was pleading for one for so long and it was never practical, so we didn't get one, but then things changed and he's here. Somehow, it feels strange not to be able to imagine my mother with a dog, because although I don't write about dragons as pets and other such wonders as large fire breathing reptiles, I do write about pets like rabbits and goats, and the wonders that the experience of having a pet can bring. I love writing about little animals and their big personalities, so it does seem somewhat unnerving that my mother having a dog was somewhat on the limits of my imaginings, but here he is. He's sat in the small walkway of space between the dinning chair I am writing this from and where I have moved his dog bed to so that he could have a sleep if he wanted to since we did go on a pretty big walk just now and even had a little bit of a run. 

The poor sweet isn't used to me though - I merely arrived last night, caused a frantic amount of excitement, wouldn't let him sit on my knee on the chair by the window and kept hold of him whilst his mother put eye drops in. And I did it again today. I, therefore, am 'orrible. 

However I am also the person who produced a cloth newspaper which rustles and squeaks and has been thrown around the living room repeatedly for him to run after and chase (though bringing it back was slightly beyond capacity at first) and produced an antler chew to be destroyed at will. I'm choosing to believe that the little pupsicle is simply having a philosophical debate in his small fluffy head at the moment as to whether I am the devil or a magical blue Santa Clause. Yes - I do believe my dog understands both of those concepts... Okay, maybe not entirely, but he'll get there.

I hope he's leaning towards Santa, but really he hasn't seen anything yet, because Christmas is not yet truly here and when it is...Oh I am sure there will be excitement.

Christmas has come slightly early for me though, with the addition to the tool shed of a small netbook which I will be able to carry around and write on! This is not the make do and mend of having an iPad keyboard and the iPad which is five years old and was never really intended to live that long I suspect. It is not the slumming it of using Alphie, my lovely AlphaSmart, which is a wonderful piece of kit, but slightly irritating by the fact that it does not inform me of the word count which I have produced without plugging it into an actual computer - nor can I edit files on it. It's also not spending £400 on a laptop just to be able to have the luxury of a computer out of doors. It's small and light enough to carry, fast enough to run, but not all bells and whistles which is good because I'm very good at getting - ooooh, what did the dog do now!! - distracted.

Well, I'm going to go try and teach the dog to play fetch, so I'll catch you later. 

It's Been Six Weeks,

It has  been six weeks since I actually wrote here, because I have felt as though the last few weeks have been crazy. 

At the very end of October I started a brand new job and on midnight of the first day, NaNoWriMo started. 

I had training in the day, write-ins in the evening and then getting the main bulk of my word count done at night. It's tough, especially when you are also trying not to eat every level of junk food and take aways that are presented to you, and the truth is that I was pretty certain I was going to fail at several points. I didn't. 

This has genuinely been the most rewarding NaNo I have been a part of. It was the seventh attempt that I made and sixth win, which is special in itself. I am very proud of the peice of work that came out of it, and that's pretty rare, because NaNo is a high pressure environment and it does mean that it can be done in a rush. Yeah, I rushed.

I have this stupid habit of committing myself to editing deadlines and when I break them, I then start feeling crappy and feeling crappy is not productive. I've had the great thing in the last few months that I've managed to stay on the good side of my moods and be productive. I've managed to write things I am happy with and as much as it has not been easy, I am doing better now than I was six months ago and a year ago and that is something for which I am supremely glad. 

I'm going to try to get back into writing blogs regularly. I'm  trying to be more healthy in general. I'm trying to be more productive in my writing and I'm trying to stay on top of the problems I know I have so I can do all of those things. Oh, and I'm going to attempt vegan January as well, which is terrifying, but it's good. 

Anyway, I'll catch you later.

Getting the Feels,

I am the sort of person that emotionally invests in things (and people, just to clarify) far too much. It means that this weekend was exceptionally emotional for me, and I wasn't sure how to deal with that. 

I think part of the problem is that I haven't been writing much recently and writing is one of the ways that I deal with my emotions. I think things through better when I am trying to writing and it can make me see when I am being ridiculous. (It happens and I know that). 

Another part of the problem is that I haven't really given myself the time to sit still recently. I've been working a lot, learning to drive and also going to write ins each week. With all the time taken up with that plus life admin and laundry etc. It gets worse. I will have no time to really chill out before I actually start my new job. I think the next time I will actually have time will either be after my driving test is over and done with, or when I go back to Manchester over Christmas, which is slightly worrying though I am pretty glad that is only just over two months away. 

The time I get on a Sunday to write or edit is extremely valuable, partly because it forces me to be sociable and also because it is pretty well protected from other things I do; I don't miss it unless there is a heck of a good reason to. I wasn't there today because I am ill and don't want to make anyone else ill. Also, there is nothing better for illness than a PJ day, so that is what I have done (though not properly as I have been trying to sort out banking things, which has been all of the fun!) 

The idea is to be able to get everything I need to do to get out of the way over the next two weeks so that by the time I start the new job and NaNoWriMo, everything is as under control as it can be. At least if that is the case, then I have a fair shot at getting through NaNo alive.

Best get back to it. Catch you later. 

Is It a Monster?,

There is this amazing song that was popular when I was at school by a band called The Automatic. Much of it is asking the identity of something traversing an incline in the topography, but it is wonderful. There were two ways I was thinking of going with this - I'll try and do both...

First thing

When we are approaching NaNo and whilst it is going on we can often feel like what is that? Is it a monster?

It can feel like it at times.

What you need to remember is that no one from NaNo HQ nor myself or anyone else is running around after you with a red hot poker trying to force you, we will not brand you with the word loser if you fail, we will not pick you up and shake you to see if the words fall out... We won't even shave your eye brows off if you fall asleep at a write in (because that is frowned upon). Nothing bad will happy if it is too much to ask at this moment.

NaNo is my motivation because I am competitive and it works for me. It working for me allows me to think of it as the chrysalis which forms around a caterpillar. The chrysalis allows the caterpillar to become something amazing, something beautiful. It allows the caterpillar to hold it together or to be held together.

To over exhaust this metaphor, the MLs provide the leaf or the branch on which this pod of transformation hangs, and the tree is the wider NaNo community. You need to be the change in yourself, but we're here to support you. This is the support network which allows use to become butterflies.

If slaying the NaNo beast works better as your metaphor, grab your light saber, throwing stars and flame throwers. Kill it with fire and a pair of phoenixes (you and your work) will rise from the ashes in a blaze of glory with Jovi blasting out in the background.

Second thing

Let's imagine that two WriMos are writing the same novel. Work with me here, it's going somewhere. The boy is sat with his diary on one side of his desk, laptop in the middle and something looking suspiciously like a Pokédex on the other side. The girl is sat with her laptop in the middle, wearing her underwear Superman style (red underwear over blue jeans). These visual representations give you an idea of which team each person is playing for.

Team Planner, what's that coming over the hill, is it a Monster? IS IT A MONSTER?? 

Team Player makes a grab for his Pokédex. "It is a monster, but fear not, my madeuposaurousatron with strength of whatever Top Trumps metaphor yada yada yada, well planned battle scene, win win injury save the day yada yada" Boom!

Team Pantser, what's that coming over the hill, is it a Monster? IS IT A MONSTER?? 

Team Pantser looks around herself and her eyes happen upon a plastic dinosaur that someone's kid sister decided to add makeup to. It has also had its body brutally melded to something that was possibly a Transformer made by that douche pants from Toy Story. Boosh: the madeuposauratron is born. Pantser thinks her way through a battle scene that is unfolding gradually in her imagination as her wrists cramp from trying to scribble down each drop of blood soaking into the ground beneath the battle field as her main character traverses this battle scene (and she knows he/she/it/they have to make it because otherwise it is Game Over for this novel. They slay and look as though they are winning, lose something like a finger or an eye, but win overall despite being viciously maimed...

The answer to the question of is it a monster is fundamentally the same, is, well, yeah, it is. The action the main character takes, again, fairly similar, but the difference is the person at the keyboard. Can you pants it? Can you plan it? What works for you? It's not monstrous, but that is a monster. 

Run, and I'll catch you later.

Final Countdown,

I know it is not quite the final countdown for NaNoWriMo just yet, but I am acutely aware of that countdown because I am going to be starting a new job soon. Actually, on the 31st October. What was I thinking?!

Yes, so I will be leaving a job I have loved for the last three months ready to start something new and whilst I am really excited about it, I am also bloody terrified, because I don't necessarily deal well with change and it's a whole lot of change all at once. I am changing jobs, then at midnight it's my first NaNoWriMo as an ML. I have both of those things to deal with and I need to be writing a new novel, too. Understandably I'm a little bit nervous. 

That is not to say in any way that I don't think I can do it - I know I can. I do well when I push myself. Pushing myself gets me to do more than I thought possible. I was hoping to make another attempt at a 15k day this year, but I think I am going to have to let that go. Particularly as I'm learning to drive also, and my instructor is anticipating I will be ready for a test in November. Once I am ready, I'm going to book in and just do it. I am sure I will probably fail once, but if I could get it out of the way before Christmas, that would be marvelous. 

I expect that this year will be intense. I've had a few ideas of things I might want to write, and I've also, as usual, got a few things that I'm doing at the moment that I am not going to want to put down, but the problem with that is that I can't rush them. I have a feeling that they need time to happen organically and I would rather do that than force them and then ruin them. 

See, this is an advantage of Team Planner. You can have done a lot of the thinking through everything so you know what you are writing and then it is a simple (no, not simple, but simpler) case of writing it down and progressing through your meticulous plans. The disadvantage of that for me is that if I plan too far ahead with writing, I get really, really bored. I like to essentially sit in the backseat and let my imagination take over and I can't really do that if I plan. 

I'm going to have to stop writing this about now because my head has suddenly decided it wants to ache and this is possibly going to turn into a migraine. I'm sat in a Pret in Central London with my sun glasses on just trying to make sure it doesn't get any more agitated. 

Catch you later. 

As Time Marches On,

Two posts in two days, what on Earth is happening? 

Well, what's happening is that we're essentially in day two of advent for NaNoWriMo. I know that some of you have probably just gone, huh?, but it's a pretty simple idea.

Advent is, to capitalism anyway, a kick up the backside that you have 24 days until Christmas, so people go mad with shopping and wrapping presents and traveling to here there and everywhere in order to celebrate the joy that is Christmas. Difference being Christmas last 1-4 days for the majority of people, but NaNoWriMo is a month long slog of attempting to be effective at your passion. 

"Advent for NaNo" commonly known as October is the time where previous NaNoWriMo participants, and to some extent newbies, decide which team they are going to bat for (giggidy). Well, we decide our home regions and decide if we are going to be #TeamPlanner or #TeamPantser. By the way I am #TeamPantser all the way...

Again, this is going to be one of those things which WriMo's look at and nod solemnly at (at which point, #squadgoals!) or sigh and shake their heads wondering how many of #TeamPantsers will get to the middle of November and not know what they are doing. Here's a hint: we never really know what we are doing; that's half of the fun!! 

But since I know that there are people who read this who are not WriMo's (come to the dark side, we have cookies!!) I shall explain. #TeamPlanner is the group of novelists who write storyboards, or character profiles, or setting descriptions or just any and every kind of plan that you can think of. Contrary to popular belief, I have nothing against planning, or the novelists who do plan, but it is not something I do myself. 

So Team Panters, what do we do? Well, again contrary to popular opinion, we do not run around our various cities, towns, villages, hamlets or fields pulling down people's pant, although that is a good idea come to think of it... Team Panters fly through November by the seat of our pants (hence the name) also cacking our pants and hoping that this novel is actually going somewhere... 

Now just like when you chose your Pokémon Go team (Oh God, I'm opening a can of worms here, aren't I?) there is no right team to choose, though unlike in Pokémon Go, you can choose to change sides without having to press restart on the whole thing. It is completely possible to get half way through the month and then burn your plan you made in your under desk bin (provided you have the correct fire extinguisher nearby and parental supervision if you are liable to set your eyebrows on fire along with the plan). Maybe something less dramatic would be a better initiation to Team Pantser... 

Equally, you can get half way through the month, be hit by some form of divine inspiration which means you see the ending and everything which has to unfold to get your characters and plot there (another hint: if you are going to walk towards the light, at least take some sunglasses because that thing is definitely not an energy saving bulb! Someone needs to have a word with God about his carbon footprint, never mind China and America) and then suddenly redecorate your studio with a blaze of Post It (or non-branded) sticky notes with phrases, events, squiggles and whatever which may make no sense after November (you know, when you have actually slept...) and work your way through writing each sentence until the scenes come together like seams and the result is something effective and beautiful. Or so you hope.

Be you Team Pantser or Team Planner, let me take this opportunity as the first of many to welcome you back to the sweet torture that is the lead up to NaNoWriMo, or to welcome you for the first time.

It is time to stock up on tea, coffee and human interactions because next month we settle down in the bunker of social awkwardness that comes from inane conversations not just wasting oxygen, but also wasting valuable writing time!! Let's bulk buy frozen pizza and make friends with the local Chinese delivery man - who on Earth will have time to cook? Sharpen you pencils, overstock on the same kind of pens, trim your nails excessively so that they don't do that annoying thing of getting trapped between laptop keys or breaking. Be nice to your mum so she brings you hot drinks and toast, even if most of the time they go cold because you didn't realise they were there what with your writing sprint being on. Review everything that you do to see when you can fit in more writing time. Be that obsessive. It is not the only way, but God does it make it easier? YES IT DOES! 

While I commute into work, I will be writing on my phone. I used to download what I had written on my AlphaSmart while I was making a cup of tea to keep me going. That was last year. Last year I hit 15k in a day...

I would also like to say to all of you WriMos out there, I am here for you. I might only be an ML for London, you might have your own ML, but I will be writing Pep Talks that I put on here, so read them if you want to. We are hoping to do more online, so if you want to follow the NaNoLondon Twitter, please do. One thing I really hope comes across to everyone inside, outside and getting splinters in their ass from sitting on the fence is that we are a community.

We will be blasting off soon, so fasten your seat-belts. Catch you later.

Holier Than,

Back in Manchester I got one of my piercings done in a place called Holier Than Thou, which for a piercing place is either the best or worst pun in history. Personally I adore it. 

I'm not really sure as to where my love of piercings came from, but it certainly went into overdrive earlier this year when I decided I was going to get two of them at once. 

My nose has settled, quite happily, but my latest cartilage piercing is a different story.

Granted, I was a silly sausage and got it on the side that I apparently want to sleep on most often, but I was concerned that getting another on the same side that I have a helix piercing might look a little crowded since I only have quite small ears, though if I decide to get any more then this might have to be forgotten. 

I tried explaining this to a friend, but "sleeping on it" doesn't sound like the sort of thing which does a lot of damage to you.  It is one of the worst things you can actually do on a healing piercing because the pressure can damage the shape of the piercing... or something crappy like that which means you wake up with ear ache, a headache and general grumpy-arse tendencies. 

When I first got it, as with when I first got my helix done, I went without wearing headphones for about three weeks because I know the pressure and the reasonably air-tight environment is just not great for piercings. Unfortunately I am far too grumpy and anti-social to be able to survive for much longer without needing to plug myself into my music and ignore everyone. Thankfully a conversation with one of the piercing people in the clinic where I got this one done has told me it is no longer infected and will hopefully heal fine if I just stop sleeping on it. It just might have a couple of bumps on it.

I started writing this blog post a few hours ago and have forgotten my point several times over between then and now... I'm also watching A Knight's Tale for the first time in years, and I still find my favourite line hilarious "It's called a lance - hellooo."

Ah, yes. So, the advice was, do not sleep on it. 

Do not sleep on my right side. It sounds simple enough, doesn't it? Let me tell you, it is not so simple. 

I am the sort of person who moves a lot in my sleep and so saying stay off an entire side is a bit difficult. I have to somehow drill it into my head not to sleep on my right so that even my unconscious mind holds onto it. I'm pretty sure that it means I don't sleep as deeply as I really should, but I know I need that my ear does need some serious healing time. Once it has settled itself in and healed I will be fine, it's just annoying that it might be quite a long time until that happens. It's supposed to be between ten and sixteen months of having it put in, but I'm sure that this will take longer now that it's been a bit messed up. 

In a way, piercings are like novels. It is a slight pain getting through the first part, a little/lot more as you look after it, and then smooth sailing, for the most part, after that. The healing part, or the editing with a novel, can seem tedious and annoying and lots of other negative words, but I think that is the wrong attitude. The care and nurturing that you put into both processes shows a commitment to something and for my piercings, it's not just that they kind of look pretty, but that they become a part of me, like edits become a part of the novel. They become so integral that it is almost impossible to think of it without them.

I best go look after my little addition then - catch you later. 

It Works If You Work It,

No, I've not joined AA. 

For a long time I have seen writing as some form of therapy. Music and writing are very, very good for me, because music can manipulate my mood when I need it to and writing allows me to express opinions and emotions that I don't necessarily know how to process otherwise and I'm not overly interested in learning to box or hit things to stop being angry, because I don't think it would be healthy for me...

So saying that, sometimes reading things I wrote years ago amazes me. I just read an email I wrote about 3 years ago. I wasin Greece and hadn't been in years. I was back in a place that I have often considered to be my second home, I was with my mum and dad, but I was missing someone terribly and I was writing to him. 

Reading the words I wrote, I can see the cheeky git I was, and it's a part of my personality that I really enjoy, but I know that it's also a part that I lose very quickly, or that can turn into being very sarcastic and a bit of a pain in the ass. I have to try to be a lot more careful with that.

Being a lot more careful doesn't just mean kicking my own ass into writing more, which I really do need to do, because the last few months have been difficult and I've not been doing as much as I could, should, or would like to, and yes, I can make the excuse of I don't have a laptop anymore, and I've been working a lot, but making excuses doesn't really get me any closer to actually doing anything, does it?

I don't want it to get to November and I'm still allowing myself to make every excuse under the sun as to why I'm not getting through what I need to be. The first two weeks of November, the other lady I work with will be away, so I know it's going to be busy, but busy or not, I know that I can definitely fit in time to write 1667 words a day, because when I'm actually putting in effort, that's about an hour to an hour and a half. There should not be a point where I don't have an hour to an hour and a half, particularly with the time that I spend commuting. 

Granted, it would also be really nice to push myself again after finally having a 15k day last year. It would be nice to be able to prepare for it this year and then achieve it comfortably rather than as a caffeine fuelled asshole who then cannot sleep. The sense of victory was lovely, but it does slightly take the shine off it when you make so many typos because of all the shaking. 

I know it's possible. There arre people who manage much more crazy feats, though I would like to question them about their employment status when they get to 50k in 3 days. I also wonder what on Earth these people are living on, because I have a serious amount of takeaways and microwave meals to cut down cooking time, and still don't have the serious amounts of time. Perhaps they're vampires and don't need to sleep. I know how horrendous I feel when I don't sleep, so trying that is unfortunately not an option. 

What I do know is that I'm not going to leave myself in the situation of last year where I'm trying to squeeze my snack shopping and a last minute nap into the hour and a half before midnight. There will be snack food, there will be a big sleep, there will be a count down, and then there will be blood. (No, I'm kidding...)

Catch you later.

Sometimes, I Feel Like Screaming,

It should comes as no surprise to anyone that I am quite a stressy person. I like things to go right first time, and they rarely do, and on those regular occasions that they go wrong, I get quite frustrated and don't necessarily know how to react. It's a bad habit that I am trying to break, but it takes a lot of time to retrain yourself, particularly from something that seems very instinctual. 

Part of the problem I have is that when I get stressed about situations, different things go, 'I did not sign up for this sh*t, I'm leaving' so my immune system ends up in the toilet, or I end up dizzy to the point of not knowing where the ceiling is. I had one of those last night/this morning, partly because one of my piercings is not overly happy, and I don't recommend them. 

One of the major problems is that I do not help myself at all. 

Aside fron all the normal joys of a 23 year old (working, Netflixing, saving up for a deposit for my own place, eating, sleeping etc) I am a fully certified crazy person for trying to write a novel in a month, and then have all the palaver of finishing and editing etc that comes along with it, a write in group who also have movie nights (my poor social calendar :P) and have signed myself up to learning to drive again (as in, I am again attempting to learn to drive, though the sucess of this is yet to be measured) AND, this is the big one, I am one of the new MLs for London.

Now, for those of you who aren't down with lingo, an ML is a Municipal Liason Officer. MLs are not only responsible for dragging their own sorry behinds through November alive, well and with 50 thousand words under their belt, but also hauling ass and getting as many other people there to. We set up write ins, send pep talks, moderate forums and are generally there as the wall to wail to and shoulder to cry on when we are needed.

London, as you can well imagine, is a massive region, so there are four of us sharing the load like a lovely pack of Greek donkeys trotting up the side of Santori with a tour load of American's suitcases strapped to our backs, but it is truly an amazing egion to be a part of. We're asked to attempt to provide a write in at least once per week, but we're going to aim at 4+, a Kick Off Party and a Thank God It's Over, because I need sleep and the Red Bull ran out party... As well as an overnight lock in and a walking tour of London with writing stops built in. *BIG BREATH IN*

It is insane to think that it was only 7 years ago that I was preparing for my first NaNo competition. In facct, this time 7 years ago, I'm not sure that my friend who introduced me to NaNo had even done so yet. I came out of that competition devastating at what I percieved as losing. It was an eight month slog that turned my 22,500 NaNo peice into a full length novel that, warts and all, I am still proud of, and it provided the UK size 13 boot up my butt that spurred me into my next NaNo where I managed the 50k and wrote Fairies.

Every year, I have attempted to up the ante. Last year, it was wanting to achieve the 15k day, and I was beyond proud when I realised that goal. I am hoping that being an ML will help me to help other people, not just in the London region, reach their own goals, as well as being able to set and smash some more of my own. The ground work is being laid, the countdown is on. Are you with us? Are  you ready?

A Day Late and a Dollar Short,

My priorities recently have been very much about work (my job work, not novel work) and I have been quite comfortable with that. It hasn't been because I have fallen out of love with writing or that I have changed my mind about it being something I really want to do with my life, but because I know it can be all consuming.

The other issue is that what I have been writing is nothing in comparison to what I want to do. Don't get me wrong, I love a cheeky little romance novel, I love writing about human relationships, and I don't write anything just for the hell of it if I think it is going to be awful. 

Still, everything I have been writing has been very contained. It was something that I chose to do, and I have put several projects which I knew had the potential to get me away from that, but the problem has always been that there have been other things I needed to focus on, and so I did. I focused on other things. 

I keep hoping that something will feel like a pivotal moment, but it never really does feel like a fireworks moment until it is already nearly done with. Self publishing my first novel was thing long and arduous process and I nearly gave up a couple of times, but when the proof copy finally arrived through my front door I could barely contain the excitement. Until then, it was nothing but a concept, a virtual file made of key strokes and binary and computer nonsense, but then suddenly it was there in Amazon packaging, a physical thing made of paper and ink, all black and white and beautiful, having come off a printing press in America and then being shipped across the Atlantic to me. 

I know that there is only me that can make it happen again - I am well aware of that, but the last thing I want to do is to put something out into the world that is not a patch on Fairies. Maybe that is me being far too picky, but I would rather do that. 

I may also be off the blog next weekend, again due to work commitments, but I'll catch you later...

If It Weren't For...,

I really wanted to get back on top of blogging and writing nearly 2 weeks ago, but the fact is that the list of things that I have to do before I can get to that is forever getting longer, and I am never really sure when I will have both time and energy to work on editing and noveling. 

It is an equation - time + energy + motivation = work done 

Missing any of those things means that it is either going to be difficult, nigh on impossible, or actually impossible. 

I am still saying that I love my job. I do, I really enjoy it, and I have committed to it, which means I am spending an awful lot of time either taking my desk with me or thinking about being at my desk. 

As much as I love my writing, I do not want to do it the injustice of being half arsed. When I go to writing group, I am able to do just that, but in the office, or when I am trying to think about anything work related, I just cannot do it. 

I am really hoping that the Bank Holiday gives me a little bit more time, though I doubt that it will. 

I guess I will just have to wait and see, I guess.

When Things Burn,

No, not literally. 

I don't really know how many people noticed my long absence from this blog, but there is a long story and right at this moment I don't feel like telling the whole of it. Partly because I've had to retell it so many times I'm surprised that the entire world doesn't already know it. The important bits are that some people are a complete waste of oxygen, I can be a lot stronger than I think I can, I am surrounded by some truly amazing people and things do get better. 

Unfortunately, all of that did mean that a lot of my stuff, including my PC, was in storage for a week. Let no mistake be made, the last few weeks haven't been me having a jolly. The last few weeks have been intense with me moving my stuff more miles across London than I have the whole time I have lived here and despite being In a new fixed and settled home, I'm by no means back to being sorted.


Every time you move house there are three million things to do and I am nowhere near through that list. I mean, you have to change GPs, and notify Everybody that you've moved house and it is just intense.


I haven't gone to pieces though and I have been writing and working and reading even, which has been a novelty. I even got to have a bath the other night with a face mask on and my book and a Lush bath bomb in the water and I'm not kidding, it was glorious. Now I just need a holiday and I really will be set. Well, let's see when that happens.


People can often think that I'm pretty highly strung, maybe I am, but I think that I have just had so much going on for such a long time that trying to calm down has never really happened. I would love to go away for a week and just chill out on a beach sometime, but it doesn't look like it is going to happen any time soon, which is a damn shame.


This weekend I will be working, which I am simultaneously looking forward to, whilst being rather anxious. It's going to be a long one and I won't actually get a break now until the following weekend. My new job is something pretty wonderful though so I can't really complain too much.


I am hoping that all of this should now be resolved, or as resolved as it can be and I should be available to be back to the once a week blog posts (and I'm even going to try to do this on the weekends when I am working). I really didn't want to drop the blog, but I didn't have much of a choice with everything else that was going on, but I'm going to try and stop it from happening again.


Catch you later.

Woo!,

I've been pretty vocal about the fact that this week has been busy, and I was well prepared for the fact that my word count was going to kind of tank. (Well, not tank, but not quite get on the ladder really.) It's been difficult to see where I would be able to fit in writing and I really have been struggling with getting any sort of word count recorded. 

Thankfully (really?), well, thankfully yesterday I spent a scheduled few hours in hospital being poked and prodded and spun around at low speed with lights flashing. It was quite as *fun* as it sounds. The good thing is that between all the bits and pieces I was getting tested or questioned about, I was able to sit in the reception with my iPad and type furiously to try and catch up. I'm pretty blessed to have a myriad of writing tools and several of them are actually very portable which does help when I have spent 90% of the time I've actually been in my flat this week asleep. 

It's been annoying because I really want to work on the novel that I decided would be my project this time around. Thankfully I got well enough into it today that I've managed to not only get to the 10k I was aiming for this weekend, but actually caught up with how many words I was supposed to be on today - 11290 (and a little bit more). 

I'm going to try a little harder this week in order to get some words in on the train in the morning and on the way home, and maybe some at lunch time, too (though that might be pushing the boat out a little bit) because I really don't want to fall behind again. 

As much as it is Camp, and Camp is a lot more laid back in terms of deadlines and such than November, I don't want to fail when I've decided to go for a little bit less than the November target.

Ah well - we'll see how it goes. Catch you later. 

Well, That's an Unfamiliar Phrase,

Even though I am exhausted, and it's been a long week and my mouth has been in pain many times where I am missing a tooth, I can honestly say that I love my job. 

I started my new job on Monday morning and it is a very steep learning curve, believe me, but knowing a lot of different things for my job is not the problem. The "problem" which isn't really a problem per se is that I went into my last job with at least a small amount of knowledge, whereas with this I am learning pretty much from scratch. 

To say that I have not got as much writing done as I might have hoped would be the understatement of the century. I barely got a few thousand words done after the weekend, which means that I am struggling in terms of word count. It always seems that drafts of my novels end up as a sort of Frankenstein's manuscript with bits and pieces here and there that need to be sewn together. Part of the reason that they all need bringing together is because otherwise, I have no clue what my actual word count is; it's all guess work and underestimations. 

I don't miss my old job, but I do miss having the time to write whilst doing my job. Whilst in the call centre it was more than possible to be scribbling a few paragraphs or drawing up a little plan or something, but my new role is much more intense, and I don't have that luxury. Granted, having a few canine compadres wandering around more than makes up for it. Then again, I'm biased. I prefer most people's fur babies (dogs, cats, rabbits etc...) to actual babies because generally, they don't make quite so much noise - though I do love a terrier more than anything and they can be yappy little sods. 

So I have a million and one things to try and get done and nowhere near the amount of time I need to do they, but I'm just going to try and get stuck in. 

Catch you later

My Own Limitations,

Camp started a few days ago now and I can't say that I'm where I wanted to be. 

Last year I had this great starting day of fifteen thousand words, and yes, it nearly made me keel over, but it was excellent in terms of how much I got done. 

This time around I started in my sweat pants, so lord only knows where this is headed. I've also had to head to the dentist to get a tooth out. And I'm starting a new job. And trying to find a new place to live, too. 

We're only three days in and I'm already dressing like a hobo, but thankfully still making normal foodie things. 

And I really need to sleep. 

Erecting the Tents,

No, like actual tents. Well, metaphorical...

It's 10 days until the second Camp of the year kicks off and this time, I definitely feel a lot more committed to it, which is probably because I actually have a project on for this one. 

Yesterday I mentioned having finished the first draft of the first volume of The Single Girls' Collective, and the plan for Camp NaNo is to carry on with this project and produce a solid 35K as a draft for the next volume. I'm referring to them as volumes because I don't know right at this moment if they will be novels (50k+) or novellas. I'm just trying to run with what they are at the moment and then the framework can come later.

With Camp looming, we've all been talking about cabins, and events and such, which has been wonderful. I'm helping to organise a London based cabin, and there should be some really fun goings on. Also, there are five weekends in Camp this year, which is beautiful, because it gives me more blog time (if I stick to just Sundays, which is obviously the commitment I made at the beginning of the year) and also because, for those of us who work office hours, it gives us more time for solid writing!! 

Now don't get me wrong - Camp is still going to be intense and my estimate of 35K is still a daunting thought because it is a lot of work. It still takes a lot to drag your butt home after a day of work and sit and work or to do it before work, or on your lunch time. After NaNo, I know that it's easy to fit in about a hundred of so words whilst you go for your pee break from noveling, but still, it's intense. 

So the rest of this month is probably going to be making playlists, stocking up on snacks and making sure I have enough coffee to hit the ground running with this.  

I will be staying up from midnight a week on Thursday to welcome this into my life, and hit the ground running. Feel free to join me, one and all.

Catch you later.

Testing Limits,

I woke up this morning after fifteen hours of sleep, which has become very unusual for me. 

I wasn't asleep for fifteen-ish hours because of depression or anything like that, which is obviously very nice, but because I have been really pushing myself to do things recently and something I really wanted to do was attend a lecture series at Birkbeck this week. Part of the reason that I wanted to do this was because I wanted to remind myself that I didn't enjoy university that much really, so I don't want to go back. It didn't work...

I'm not being naïve, I know that events like Law on Trial are there to sell Birkbeck as a school and to encourage people to study. They're a fantastic marketing campaign to prospective students, and I am now looking at courses more seriously than I was previously, though I'm thinking about the 2017 intake, because with the best will in the world, I know myself pretty well these days and I know that I will not be ready to do this in September of this year. I would rather prepare myself and be ready to do this than make an absolutely unholy mess of the whole bloody thing.

It's not just the possibility of going back to university though which has had me testing my limits. I've been trying to be a lot more socialable (because I sometimes suck at talking to people I do not know) and trying to spend more time doing constructive things than in my flat. 

This week I spent most of my evenings at Birkbeck. The lecturers were there to discuss the issues surrounding the upcoming referendum and I walked in there thinking I knew how I was voting and why. Right now, I feel like I have splinters in my bottom, because I am sat on the fence, leaning either way without really being sure how to swing. I don't get like this. I am very good at making deicisions about what I believe in and what I want to vote for, but right now, I am flumoxed. 

In all of this, as you can imagine, I have been getting less sleep than I am used to, and it has pushed my body to its edges. I have been very busy in the last few weeks generally anyway, so believe me, I needed my fiftteen hour catch up sleep. I was pretty exhausted by the end of it, but I did manage to finish writing the first draft of the first volume of The Single Girls' Collective, and for once I cannot wait to get to editing it, though that was on the backburner this week for obvious reasons. 

Before this post runs to a mile long, I'm going to wrap it up by saying watch this space. Catch you later. 

Annoyingly,

I was thinking about something on the tube home today, and I genuinely am struggling to put my finger on what it was, which is irritating, but I couldn't actually write it down because I was feeling really off. 

And, I remember! Cool, so:

Hype.

For a four letter, it's a big thing. Or it can be. Hype is one of these things that changes everything. It's a good thing for some and a bad thing for others.

Hype gets annoying when there are suddenly 60 kinds of adult colouring book in The Works and they're starting to cost something ridiculous. I know it's a fad and will end like they all do (I mean, what happened to Scoobies and Loom Bands and all of that stuff in the end) but I don't really understand this hype that surrounds them. I never really understand where it comes from. 

Maybe it's because my interests don't really change that frequently or in such a volatile fashion. Which is strange because I can have a really short attention span, which I have proved many, many times. Thankfully managing to commit to the current project though, which is more than can be said for my characters.

Oh I cannot wait for this to be done! 

Catch you later 

If Only It Were Simpler,

Sometimes I get flustered by everything that is going on in my life, and certain things have to drop. 

I dropped this yesterday because I was spending time with someone I haven't seen in over a year and will now not see for the next few months. This weekend, like the last few weeks in general really has been pretty mad. More than anything, I need to give myself some time to sleep. 

As always, my problem is balance and it's tricky. Naturally I love spending time with friends etc, but then again I also keep reminding myself that if I don't sleep I get sick, especially in the summer, as I'm very prone to heat exhaustion. 

Trying to find the perfect balance is something very difficult. I find that when I am really involved in a novel, that can be the biggest pull of all. 

I've always been very defensive about my drafts, particularly first drafts, however letting people near passages of what I'm currently writing has been productive, so it may not be too long before I put a sample of either that, or Yours, online and see what the response is.

Though for some reason, my friends are more likely to tell me their response verbally as opposed to actually writing on here...

Anyway, I'll catch you later.

Ready for NaNo,

I'm normally the worst person for being ready for NaNo. I start the competition sleep deprived and end it like a little zombie. I eat quick food and a lot of snacks and drink far too much tea. I know what I do to myself, truly I do, but I do it regardless. 

What is disappointing is that this month is not one of the Camps. I always thought it was April and June. However I was apparently wrong and it's April and July (or is it August), but the problem there is that I'm ready now. I am sitting here ready to write and with a project to work on, but I know that the competition helps. I also know that I will not be feeling like this next month, which really sucks. 

I think I'm in the mood for doing something crazy, like attempting another 15k day, or attempting to push it past that and see how far I can really go with it. That is always an option. It might, of course, include me finding other more magical and inventive ways to write for longer periods of time, or prepare myself so that I have a full 24 hours of awakeness to work.

I might just make myself an Excel spreadsheet and get on with it myself. Have my own little camp in June and hopefully, maybe, have another novel under my belt by the end of it.

Catch you later...

Hummingbird,

A few years ago I promised to bring my parents Harrods cupcakes, however, I have never delivered on this promise. They were down in London this weekend and following a lovely meal in South Kensington we walked past the branch of the Hummingbird Bakery that is up there, and curiosity killed the diet.

Places like The Hummingbird have achieved such a reputation that I get nothing short of dubious walking through the door because how can live up to that expectation. I'd say I'm like that with writers too. 

One of the things I discuss a lot with my writers' group, and anyone else who looks vaguely interested in books, is obviously popular fiction, what's good about it, what sucks, who's overrated and those who are deadly ignored despite being somewhat geniuses. I find that if someone has told me about a book that they love, it can make me a little bit reluctant to read it purely because I'm expecting a lot out of it. 

When I first read An Abundance of Katherine's I wasn't expecting That. As a novelist/novel lover and part time maths geek it was essentially my idea of heaven in book form. I have never, even been so excited to see footnotes in a book - they have graphs in and everything!!! If I had been more aware of the brilliance of John Green before reading the first few of novels I may not have loved them quite so much, because I would have already been expecting greatness. 

In the same way, (and I will point out again I read this because I was told to!) if I hadn't heard that Fifty Shades of Grey (and everything connected to it) were atrocious I would probably have stopped reading half way through the first chapter whilst I was losing the will to live, but knowing it was bad meant that I could read it and expect that an cope with. Like movies where you need to know that it's not serious before starting. I made that mistake with Dr. Strangelove.

Reputations a big thing, but Hummingbird lived up to theirs. I need sleep. 

Catch you later.

Painting the Roses Red,

I titled this a couple of days ago and I've been damned by the curse of brain farting that I do not know what I was going to attempt to say. 

This week has been dragging for me. It was broken up a little in the middle with an impressive interview which I will hopefully hear from soon, but I know that the most part of it was because I've been having to Google a lot of things about legal contracts and go back and forth between researching and advice and the yada yada ya. At the beginning of the week, I spoke to the Citizens Advice Bureau, and their person could not have been less helpful if he was trying. 

On the plus side, I'm doing reasonably well with cutting down the amount of milk I'm drinking, which is a big deal considering the fact that I drink a lot of coffee. I did see a video that kind of ground my gears a bit, because it basically stated that all veg*s (so, vegans and vegetarians) are the loud, outspoken types. Hi - I've never actually dated another vegetarian. 

I'm not a massive anomaly here, but it is true that when living with a veg* person, many people do actually cut the amount of meat/dairy products they consume, purely because it tends to be the other person doing the shopping/cooking, or it's easier to both have the same thing, and I accept that. HOWEVER, there are also those of us who don't shout about how everyone should do the same thing, and hate the people who do probably more than meat eaters do. 

I would just like to point out that I celebrated both my 21st birthday and my graduation in a steak house, because they do amazing food that doesn't have meat in (who knew!) and I bloody love Nando's, but I hate the surprise, and reluctance, on the faces of my dining companions because they seem to think I'm going to start - I don't know - throwing paint around or making animal noises. I don't know. 

The thing is, I accept that cows have been bred to be in a field for a limited amount of time, to produce milk and to then become burgers, I just don't want to be part of that. My decision. Your decision. (See that, they're both separate!) 

REASON FOR THE RANT:

Worse than someone shoving a burger down my throat (well, maybe not, because that I would probably choke on...) is someone jamming their opinion down my throat. (You came to my blog, you knew what you were doing, you did this to yourself!) 

I accept that I have a lot of opinions, but I don't mind people disagreeing with me. In fact, it is quite fun. What I hate, and what makes me quite loud, annoying and occasionally very rude, is people twisting my words, or jamming their opinion down my throat as if it is the only way of thinking.

If you have to argue it into objectivity, it is not objective. Objectivity is fact. The only thing which is objective about your opinion is that it is your opinion.

Decision Not Yet Made,

Last week I was writing about the possibility of making what could be major life decision, then I had another one pretty much dropped on me, so it has been bumped down the list like a few of my literary priorities. 

I have been having a long think about it, though, and that has brought me to the conclusion that several of my friends are correct and that going at this like a bull at a gate like I did with becoming a vegetarian, because otherwise I'm going to make myself ill like I did by not keeping an eye on my iron levels. 

What I am doing is stopping drinking actual milk, which is harder than I had thought it would be because tea does not taste the same with any other form of milk (and soy milk, which is most widely available, is most definitely not beautiful) and tea is a big deal to me, but it's important.

I'm not going to go on a big rant about why milk is bad and why it sucks that it's going to take time for Quorn to move their ranges away from using something from eggs that's considered as an industry byproduct, to a more expensive vegan ingredient, but I do feel the need to argue against something I recently read on Facebook. 

A lot of people who make a lot of noise about "preachy" vegetarians/vegans are actually pretty "preachy" about eating meat. The latest thing I have read from any of them was an article which essentially argued that vegetarians and vegans are responsible for animal deaths, too, because of the way we farm in this country and the wildlife which it affects. One of my friends describes it as a sliding scale - yes, we have an impact on the lives of other species, but we're significantly reducing that impact. 

Personally, I think it's more like living as closely to your ideas as humanly possible. In order to live in London, I have to accept that I can only afford to do a certain amount of things. I can't have a compost bin because I don't have a garden, I can't have a pet because of my contract, and I can't sleep because there are starlings nesting in my loft, and when I was looking at humane ways to persuade them to move out I found that they are losing a lot of their nesting space and obviously that is leading to declining populations, so I'm just going to have to get used to the chirping bastards. 

So I've turned into a packet reader, making sure I know exactly what I'm actually eating, instead of just blindly following what I think I should be going for because apparently putting that something is suitable for vegans on packaging can actually put other audiences off. 

Catch you later.

Stability,

There is almost nothing I value more than stability in my life. Almost. Saying that, I haven't had much of it lately, and that's about to get even more intense. 

Not only am I now trying to find something new to be doing on my Monday to Fridays, I'm also looking for somewhere new to be doing it from. It's true that I would have been, potentially, leaving my flat within the next few months, however that seems to be being moved up. The things I have to consider about where I want to live have changed since my last move, and that means I can pretty much throw a dart at a map of London, and then find a place there. 

Befoore that happens I have a few big decisions to make. 

This flat has been the first place where I truly lived alone, and was able to be completely indepedent. I have loved living here, even when there have been difficulties. I even like the area, and there have been places that I have lived where that hasn't been the case. (I did a six month stint in Elephant and Castle that wasn't so great). The thing is, that means I have become quite emotionally atttached to it, so the idea of leaving is hard. It's not even the place in London that I have lived the longest - I was in roehampton for about 2 years, and Kensington for 9 months - I'm almost excited to see where is next, and what is next.

As much as I love this studio, even I have to admit it is expensive. Independence is definitely a luxury. I need to make a decision as to whether or not I want to go for the same thing, or if I want to move back into a house share and save money towards whatever. 

I have a bad habit of saying I dunno a lot, and I'm saying it a hell of a lot at the moment, and it's very bad at the moment because I don't have a whole lot of answers, and a whole lot of questions, but the very good thing that I do have at the moment is that it all feeds into my experience of life. Experience of life can only be good for my novels, surely? It is meaning that there are a few issues with some writing plans I was making, but I'm used to life causing delays. 

Reasons Not to Be a Vegan,

I'm in a bit of a claustrophobic mood at the moment and it's annoying because it's only towards certain people. It's put me in a really bad mood since I got home and I was genuinely considering not writing this, but I think it will be fun, and the title is really misleading. 

So here we go:

Several of my friends are vegan and, though none of them have ever pressured me to join them, I have often wondered whether it was something that I could do. Every year I see people hashtagging the hell out of Veganuary, and think, oh yeah, that's started and I missed it. Crap. 

Now, I admit it, I'm not a wonderful vegetarian pescetarian (it means I eat fish, but not meat) because my favourite kinds of sweets are not vegetarian. The fact that I am eating fish again slightly pisses me off because I would love to not do, but again, it's really hard. I bloody love smoked salmon, but it's something I've been committed to for a long time, and to be quite honest I would love to give the vegan thing a trial run.

The thing is, if you know where to look, you can find vegan foods that fight your cravings, you just need to know how to do it. I have been craving chocolate for the last two days and had a vegan milkshake (Oat milk and Booja Booja ice cream) and it has knocked it right out. Seriously, that thing was beautiful. 

Maybe it was sitting by the canal in Camden, the sun being out, having great food and great music and awesome company, but there was something about it that made me feel really content. Up until two minutes ago I was doing really well on the not killing bugs bit, too, however that spider was a little too big for me to confidently pick up on a piece of paper and put out of the window... I didn't kill the ant that crawled across my shoulder earlier, though, and that is some serious personal growth for me!

So what are my reasons not to go vegan, even if it was just for a month to see how I get on? Well, they're silly. It comes down to me wondering if I can commit to it because it would be intense. It also comes down to the not wanting to have yet another thing to explain myself for, because that is just annoying and I shouldn't have to justify my life choices to other people. It also comes down to the fact that my family would worry for my health, though I've been told cutting out cheese and chocolate is something I should really do at the moment to help alleviate some of the pressure I'm getting from a condition, so maybe it would actually be good for me. But more than anything my reason to not commit to doing it for a month is I don't know if I could then make a U-turn and come back to where I am now in terms of eating fish and eggs etc. 

I'm going to consider it, and then maybe that will be my June project.

When There Are No Words,

I want to dispell any idea that I haven't been writing on here recently because I've not been doing much or because I haven't had anything to say. Neither of those things is correct.

It's also not true to say that I have been mentally busy to the extent that writing a little something would have been impossible, but whilst I have had things to say, I know that I often say things emotionally and then wonder why I did it. 

I react emotionally to most things in my life and it's not something I believe I can do anything about, even if I wanted to. The bad thing about it is that when there are a lot of things going on, there are a lot of things that make me want to shout, scream and throw a tantrum and I would rather do that in the company of friends as opposed to the arena of the internet. A lot of things have really, and it's rare for me to swear on here, so hopefully that will indicate how difficult this has been, a lot of things have pissed me right off.

Some of them are just more instances of things I have written on here previously. I am so sure that people are sick of how, particularly recently, have been irritated by men forcing their interest on women when they don't want it, and how women owe them nothing, but it keeps happening. I feel like I've walked into another world entirely and suddenly it's just accepted that this is a thing. I hate the whole 'safe space' things at university and 'trigger warnings' without a damn good reason, but sometimes I want to trip back there for a few days of respite. Or just not leave my flat, and I don't need encouragement for that. 

The worst thing is I know that my frustration comes out when I write, and I can't deal with ruining all of the things I work so hard on because things are a bit shit at the moment. Yes, art imitates life, or life imitates art, and there have been times where I've felt like I've been dragged through an emotional blender, because one of my characters was heart broken or brutally murdered or something, but what I don't want to do is write something when I'm feeling like this, because I would get the nickname Georgia (after George RR Martin) for massacring everyone and everything. Of course, not writing contributes to the existential frustration and it all just becomes a self-perpetuating cycle which I struggle to stop.

Supposedly a change is as good as a rest, so I'm working on changes at the moment, but it's difficult because it's not something which I have control over, so I can't say as to when things will change. Or if that change will help.

See, this is why it aggravates me when people think that writing is just putting a pen to paper or fingers to keyboard - it is so much more than that. It just becomes a part of you. It has become a large part of me.

Illogically Yours,

I am one of these people who likes to be pretty logical. I chose to do a degree that made me be logical and think logically through arguments. The problem is I have to stop, sit and think about it.

And most I don't. 

I don't sit and think about it at all, so I didn't wash my hair before getting my ear piercing and now I need to do it before work tomorrow. It is going to hurt like hell, I know, but it's not going to last that long. And it's no worse than me trying to scratch my ear and accidentally flicking my piercing and feeling the pain of that.

People then ask me what I do it for, and the obvious one is asking if you do it for attention. There is never anything more annoying than this question, because while some people do things for attention, I don't get piercings for it. 

The big reason is I like them. I can't explain why any more than people can explain why they like a certain type of music as opposed to others. They please me, like acoustic guitar music, and that is a good enough reason for me. 

Now, my other reason isn't the enjoyment of pain so much as it is that feeling of having accomplished something. I'm scared of needles, but I have to have them in order to have my piercings. The idea of something being painful freaks me out, but I have to get past that, and I do. I know that I am stronger than my fears. 

Sometimes when I need to remember that I can be brave, I just have to look at them and know that I had to be brave to have them. If I have done it before, I can do it again, and I will. 

Sometimes bravery is facing pain, sometimes it's facing criticism and sometimes it is facing failure. I know it is possible to fail every time I send chapters somewhere or self-publish anything, but the only thing that being scared achieves is making me fail in a different way. 

Basically, I'm putting my big girl pants on and getting on with this. 

Catch you later.

Walk Away from Miracles,

I try not to write anything too personal on here, because if I don't want it all over the internet, then I shouldn't be putting it there. That being said, I dropped the ball the last few days when I haven't been writing on here, but that's because I knew I couldn't do it without outpouring everything I was feeling, and I didn't want to do that. I'm sure it will find a way of venting itself out eventually, but that's for another time.

One the taglines I have used about myself a lot is that I am a writer, a dreamer and fairies believer. I completely submit to that. I live that every day. I believe in miracles and true love, not necessarily soul mates, but romance. With that, though, I carry a slight realism that I used to think protected me. It doesn't so much as I wish it would, but I think if it were too strong, I would lose the dreamer and the fairies. 

Now I know my "belief" in fairies offends some people, but let me put it to you another way: having never knowing met a fairy, I cannot say for certain what one is. I don't believe there are extraordinarily tiny people with wings and flying dust and glitter living in the grass outside my current abode, but fairies exist even for people who don't believe in them because they are the concept in the mind if nothing else. (Can you tell that I miss being a philosophy student, instead of a philosophy graduate who hasn't used her degree in a long while?)

Regarding how that affects me as a writer, I feel like it means I can write romances and make them magical, but believable. I can write the sort of thing which, hopefully, sweeps people up and spins them around as though they were in the middle of a ballroom floor. I would like to think I can do that. The only issue I can have with things like that is that happily ever afters are not so easily won. 

To have that happy that other people hate you for, or the Disney looking romance, I don't know if it's possible in reality. Every relationship is a delicate balance, and every relationship goes through changes. Everyone argues, and couples fight every day, people break up every day, people make up every day, but not always. I would hate writing a romance that made it look like life is always perfect - it's not. I would hate to write anything that made relationships look like a breeze because they're not. It takes love, it takes talking, it takes work, it takes understanding and maybe just a heart shaped arrow and a sprinkle of fairy dust. If you want something, you have to fight for it. If you fight, you won't always win. It's hard; sometimes it's horrible, but I can't remember the last romance novel I read where one of them didn't have a failed relationship in their past. 

I'm trying to keep in mind while making myself write romance and I feel like I'm settling into the genre. 

Catch you later...