Yes, the title for this is a random quote from my favourite movie and no I will not apologise for that.
This weekend was my 29th birthday and to say that the actual day itself was rubbish would be an understatement. I had said that I was going to go for a run at ParkRun in the morning but the truth is that months of having been on the bench, for no real reason, I realised I wasn't really up to a 5k and definitely not at the speed that the local run is. Really, I wanted to be back in London. I wanted to be with my friends at the park that I love and spending the run with them and then maybe going for a parkrun cake afterwards since you basically run off all the calories first (I mean, you really don't, but let's not even think about that).
We cancelled a half planned family lunch thing because one of the dogs is feeling out of sorts after a vet trip, but it was fine because I was going to be going out for a few drinks with a mate in the afternoon, so in theory, I had more time to get ready, but then when I text him to check what time we were meeting up and where he cancelled on me after some confusion over dates or something. I wasn't so much gutted that the plans I had had gone down the drain, but more because I then had no birthday plans at all, and that kind of last-minute meant that all of my friends were then busy so trying to figure out any other form of plans was impossible, so I spent the evening on the sofa with the dog that's not feeling rubbish.
Thankfully today was considerably better, spending it with a friend and their child, who is the best thing since sliced bread.
One of the reasons it made me feel awful is because I've been feeling lonely recently. There is some relief to that when I catch up with people at work or when I speak to a few friends on Twitter or catch up with a few other friends, but trying to date makes me feel even lonelier than ever. Partly because I get chatting to someone and as soon as we come off of the app we began speaking on, something always happens that makes me get the ick, generally before even meeting up with them, though I have managed to meet a couple and then realised that it's still a giant no. Maybe I'm too picky, but I don't think I am. Besides, the occasions where I've decided to break my own 'rules' haven't exactly turned out any better than when I stick to them absolutely. And it's not like there are no reasons for them and most of those reasons stem from previous bad experiences.
Anyway, things are feeling better today, though to be honest, I couldn't have felt any worse than I did yesterday, so I am glad that things are looking up. And finishing the day with another viewing of Man Up is always sure to make me feel happy. Ish.
