Dr Strangelove: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb,

I'm posting this today because I finally had the drive to finish writing it...because I should have been doing something else. Ah well. 

I know, okay? Anything by Stanley Kubrick is such a cliche to have as your favourite film if you're a student, or is that just at my university?, but I want you to read the reason why before you think I'm just on the bandwagon twiddling my brain cells.

During the Cold War, people were terrified of the idea that the only real nuclear deterrent, that of Mutually Assured Destruction, was going to fail. What's the logical thing to do? Make a film about it. 

The absurdity of the film was brilliant, because it made sure that the public saw that the idea was outrageous. Unless the ruler of a country with massive nuclear power was completely certifiable, and wanted nothing more than to cause the end of the world rather than your run of the mill despotic man with a hint of Napolian syndrome (they always seem to be short!), it wasn't about to happen. Even better, it gave people a way to actually talk about the nuclear threat. 

Yes, there are some funny points where we get to poke fun at some really silly things that people might have actually said at one time or another, like "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here; this is the war room." and of course the typical American portrayal of the overly polite Brit, but seriously, it means that we can talk about the nuclear threat, even now, without feeling like we have to do so in hushed tones.

This became even more clear to me a couple of days ago, when a friend complained about being shown a documentary on 9/11 in a lecture. All possible problems with that aside, it sparked a conversation, and it gave us the chance to talk about it. A conversation about 9/11 or the Cold War is something we would normally avoid, but for about ten minutes we talked about it and what we thought about the television documentaries and films which have been made after it, and that's important.

These things are just too big for a person to cope with, so we need something to start the conversation. You don't know how much a person was affected by these things until you do.

Hijacking Entertainment,

This is something which people like to have a bang of the drum about pretty often actually, but I want to look at it from a different side of things really. 

The tickets for the gig I went to last night, were supposed to be £41 each with a pound booking fee, but instead, the price for them was in the hundreds. Knowing that the vendor who sold them had 16 pairs which he sold for the same amount means I can work this out: he made £3,456 profit from that one gig, which is more than most of the people working for the 02 make in a month. 

I understand that some people don't go out to work, and there are a variety of jobs which allow someone to sit behind their computer and earn their keep, but I'm not stupid enough to think that it's the only gig he was charging extortionate amounts for tickets for, and he's not the only one, or the worst. 

These days, gigs and festivals seem to reach a certain level of acclaim because they sell out in however many hours, and while it is terrible that then real fans are made to pay through the nose Togo and see the bands they want to see live, the thing that gets me is that there were empty seats at that gig last night, and at a sold out gig, that should never happen. 

Okay, so it's not like the 02 looked half empty, and neither band probably realised there were a couple of people missing, and because the seats will have been sold to tauts or whatever, they're still getting paid the same, but that's however many people's experiences missed because someone saw a way to make some easy money. That look so like stealing from the public in so many ways to me. 

Anyway, I'm sure most people who actually read this are currently in bed, so I'm also going to hit the sheets, but there's going to be a new film blog up in a few days about a classic and it's one of my favourites...I'll tell you why later!

Nickelback @ The O2,

This is going to be written very quickly, because my sleepy tablets are kicking in pretty fast, and I need as much sleep as possible because I feel sick as a dog.

Earlier today Ben and I were actually discussing if it was a good idea for me to go out tonight, because it's pretty obvious that my body has decided it's allergic to the weather and it's time for one of my bi-annual chest infections. I'm not quite into the depths of it yet, but I'm at the point where breathing hurts, my sinuses are bunged up to hell and my throat feels like I've been swallowing fire. 

I'm pretty sure that I came out with the phrase, I'm going if it kills me, a couple of times, and well, it has. All the screaming and the shouting and the singing along has left me with a voice like Steven Hawking, and the blast of the kick drum has left my heart feeling pretty wobbly and in a bit of pain, but **** ** it was magical. (Magical is my new favourite word for all the stuff I love, which pretty much fits because of Fairies...) 

I felt like the name of the support act, Skillet, was familiar, and not just because we have in common that we belong in the kitchen doing the cooking. :P Although I'm pretty sure the singer was on something - and I'm not sure that something was legal - their performance was beyond phenomenal, as well as pretty unique with the inclusion of a violin and cello which isn't exactly typical "rock-and-roll", is it? They also have an amazing drummer, and she's bloody hot! 

Their music is kind of Papa Roach in style, but somehow, it's even better. It's best when it's loud and bass-y - so they are fantastic live! Their first UK album is coming out soon, and there should be a tour to follow. They're definitely a band to look out for. 

Now, if you've never seen Nickelback, but you know how they can be with the whole, drinking on stage and breaking the drum mics and shit, you might expect their live sound to be shit, and let's face it, with all the amazing things you can do with a computer, who needs to be a decent musician these days? Honestly? Bands that play the O2, because a shitty little computer can't bring a place like that to it's feet, raising the hands and voices of the audience and reminds them what they felt like the first time they heard a Nickelback track. 

Yeah, okay, so they're doing shots on stage, yeah, they broke the drums for a minute, and yeah, the fans did a couple of things they're not supposed to like standing on other people's shoulders, smoking in the O2 and throwing drinks, but that's because they made sure every single one of the 16000 people who came out for them had a cracking time, and came alive with their music. It didn't matter if it was Far Away - where they were joined on stage by none other than Timmy Dawson, an ex member of the band - where members of the crowd swayed along with their phone flashlights (because lighters are too much of a health and safety risk these days apparently) swaying in the air, or the much heavier beats of Burn It To The Ground and Something in Your Mouth, it was obvious that it was a night to remember for everyone there. They even took part in what feels like a tradition in gigs for me, by performing a cover which sounds better than the original, but guys...slightly awkward...It was a SUNDAY night. Still alright for fighting, if you are so inclined though...

So yes, we arrived hours early and didn't quite know what to do with ourselves. Yes, I've drank so much tea that I'm starting to grow leaves. Yes, my skin reacted to my t-shirt, so that during Skillet's performance, I had to change into a shirt with no buttons, and hope no one was watching (or worse, filming. Yikes!) and my stomach was on display for the rest of the gig, which was less than comfortable, though definitely very cool when everyone ended up cramped together. Yes, it pisses me off that the O2 charges £2.30 for a bottle of water, then takes the lid off of you, because you might attack someone with it, even though it is clear from your speaking voice that actually, you're just rather ill and having a bottle with no cap is somewhat cumbersome actually you absolute knit wit people!! Yes, I felt like the bass amps were giving me unrequired CPR, 

but do you know what? I don't give a flying butterscotch and fudge cake 

because it was awesome. 

Though there is another rant coming tomorrow, not specifically about this gig though....

Going to bed now. 

Conducting the Internal Orchestra,

Whilst NaNoWriMo was rolling along - by which I mean my own submission, as I know the competition continues for another 7 days - I was attempting to write a blog every day, however I obviously failed in this endeavor. I should also admit that I failed to write anything towards my NaNo project every day, however the important part to me is that the 50'000 word target was reached, and it was reached in 19 days, because I had a bit of a roll. 
I managed two days that were over 10k and one day that was only about 90 words short. Trust me, that's pretty special after I didn't have a 10k day last year. 

Granted, this is not the standard of Yours, which admittedly I do still need to finish editing, and I was sort of distracted by the fact that all I wanted to do was sit down and write more of my new favourite project, Dreaming in Colour, but the beauty of it was this. I proved that I can force myself to sit down and write 1667 words+ in a day. I proved that I can function within my friendships and my relationship and, in some ways, in my studies whilst also working on a novel which has taken over 99.9% of my brain. It's just a shame that that can't continue after my piece of writing is finished. 

Most of you probably get that my life is a very fast paced mash up of a lot of things. At the moment, I feel like I'm trying to perform the circus trick of spinning plates on the top of sticks, but instead of performing it like a total Master of the Trade (Mistress sounded too suggestive...) I'm letting my very Greek inclinations come out and instead of spinning the plates, I'm dropping them or throwing them to the floor, then dancing around clicking my fingers in this sort of fashion. 

In a way, getting through life is like conducting this internal orchestra, getting all the timings of things right, telling which voices in your brain are allowed to pipe up at what time, because it's slightly ridiculous to be worrying about certain things now when they're bloody months away, right? But currently, I'm trying to do this conducting with a tea spoon and a bar of chocolate, because it's about the only way I can stop myself blowing a fuse of biting people's heads clean off.

The fact is, university is stressful, even when you only have lectures for six hours a week, there is more to it than that. Work is stressful, especially retail towards Christmas, and having to think about all the things you have to do for the role you're currently doing, and a role you may be looking at, and fitting it around everything else in your life. My health is currently stressful, and I can't wait to see if and when my medication kicks in and I start feeling less ill and sleeping better without taking Nytol. Being in therapy is really stressful, because things that are wrong with you now are mostly caused by things that happened in the way back when of your existence and going back over that isn't something that's easy. 

Do you know what else is stressful? Writing. It is really stressful, because you'll be constantly thinking your're spending too much time on writing or observing and not enough time on the other. Even when you've finished something, you have to think about editing it, what you want to do with it next and then getting it through a whole different process, which in itself is another stress, because it's like a birth, but you have a choice in it. Mother's have no choice in giving birth to the baby they have been nurturing, but as a novelist, you have to bring yourself to give birth to your creation, to give it life and let it leave you, and let the world think what it will. When your writing is your art, that is a very difficult thing to do. 

The point of this blog is more than venting, in a way, because I want anyone who is still battling through the trials of NaNo and all the lovely winter diseases and distractions and procrastination stations to know that it is possible, whether it's your first or your fourteenth, it's easy to think of this as one of the labours which Heracles was spared from, but it's not.
It would also be nice if some of those annoying people who bitch about students without knowing anything about how trying it can be read it and either shut up or lowered their voices a little bit. It also might be nice if the same happened to a few of those lovely buggers who don't think of writing as a profession. 

But even if not, I've done something today. After a day with my boyfriend and a shift in work, I've sat down and I've written something, with imperfections, and given it out to the world. Today, for the first time since I published the last blog on here, I gave up something I had written, because it's not just for me. 

I can't wait to be ready to do that with Yours,, and for other people to be ready to do that with what is their's. 

...

I'm having one of those days.

Today started off with me feeling tired and groggy and being a bit of a cow, and I know that. It's going to end with me being tired, grumpy and a complete cow.

I didn't want to get up this morning, but Ben and I had planned to go out to the country and do some walking, and I did actually want to go. My muscles felt useless before we started, and now they are useless because they're done in, but in a good way. Four and a half hours of cliff walking, raiding through mud and being out of phone reception was a little bit of bliss.

I came home to find out that a lady who has been in my life for a lot of years is rather ill; as in, got to the point of discussing funerals kind of ill, and it's irritated the crap out of me.

I'm not irritated my mum told me, because I've been wanting to know. This saga has been going on for the last couple of months, but all along everyone has just been asking for answers. Now there is an answer, but it's an answer that doesn't have a cure. And that's what's irritating.

And this is all after a conversation that wasting every Sunday of your life means - if you live for fifty years - you waste 7.12 years.

Today has been phenomenal and today has been shit.

11814, and a Magical Weekend, ~

I meant to write this on Saturday night, but we were in the hotel room furthest from the router, meaning that it only worked if I sat at the foot of the bed, and even then it was kind of slow. 

Saying that, as the title suggests, it was magical.

I've mentioned before that I've been having health problems recently, and with this week being reading week, I wanted to just get out of London for a little bit, so instead of disappearing back to Manchester for a week, or something similar, we decided to go to a place called Hook instead, stay in a hotel for the night and then just do some walking in the country for the next day. Bit of fresh air and all that. 

Anyway, I'm doing that thing where I get ahead of myself. 

Friday was one of the most awesome days in the history of my life, because by 7 o'clock in the evening, I had done it! I REACHED 10K ON THE FIRST DAY!! For a NaNoGeek, that is a pretty magical moment, and I rewarded myself with the obvious - beer and chocolate. :) Oh, and a big shop in Asda that will more than likely last me until the end of NaNo. :) 

Saturday was then a pretty odd, mismatched day, but we eventually got on the road at about half five, and we were there in less than an hour and a half. I'm very lucky to have a ridiculously understanding boyfriend, because as I sat for probably just longer than an hour completing a word count for Day 2, he didn't complain once and just sat watching the TV. 

So then yesterday we went to a lovely place called Odiham Castle which was built in the 13th century - obviously it's a ruin, but it's absolutely beautiful, and the walk down the river to get there was nothing to turn your nose up at either. We then had a little wander down to the village to see what was there - to be honest, there wasn't that much, but it was a pretty sort of place. Since I wasn't really ready to come back to the city just yet, Ben gave me a choice - we can go to Birdworld on the way back (I don't think either of us considered this as a serious option) or Stonehenge is forty minutes in the other direction. 

People don't always get this, but I'm from the North. As much as I have seen some of the different things which the North has to offer, most of my travelling has been London, or places which are out of this country. Or Scarborough. The reason why I am stating this is because people, Ben included, are always shocked when I haven't been to certain Southern Landmarks or towns. Until a couple of weekends ago, I'd never been to Brighton. Until this weekend, I had never seen Stonehenge which was why I got so over excited about it - and why I was glad that the Travelling Panda had found her way, with absolutely and totally no help from me what so ever, okay, maybe a little :P, into my weekend bag to come with us. Guess what? I've still never been to Thorpe Park - BECAUSE I'M NORTHERN! We have our own theme parks - and we're hard as nails. The only park scarier than ours is either Chernobyl or Snake Pass (the road you take to get to Alton Towers. On a coach, it's a bit scary...) 

Anyway, after a reasonable amount of walking yesterday, all the fresh air, and the joys of my lungs not seeming very happy about our return to London, all I wanted to do last night was watch Downton Abbey and drag my butt to be, so yes, I'm still on 11418 words, but I'm going to get on with doing some more today. 

Wish me luck. 

3015~

I'd say that's a healthy start, right?

So, yes, I was one of those people who stayed up until midnight+ and started writing just on the start line. I love to do it, because I find it really hard to wake up and see what time in the morning it is, know that precious hours of November have already slipped away and my word count is still at zero. 

I stayed up until four due to a multitude of reasons:

1. Though my laptop is no longer on the brink of extinction  I have been rather wary about loading software onto it. The trial for Microsoft ran out yesterday, so I needed to get some new software and get it fast. Thanks to the new running speed of my laptop, OpenOffice was downloaded and fully installed in under ten minutes. 
2. One of my friends wanted to chat, so we stayed on the phone for about an hour and a half while we discuss life, the universe and motorbikes.
3. NaNoWriMo  Manchester have a pretty awesome set of people who stay up and chatter until it no longer looks like too ridiculous a time in the morning to be awake. While this is a good thing, it is a little worrying. 
4. I wanted a good start, and I'd say 3015 is just that. Since I don't have much else to do today, I think today could be it. It  has the potential to be one of those wonderful 10k days. Check back tomorrow to see if I make it.

Unfortunately these don't count towards my word count, so that's enough from me!