The Anxious Writer,

I'm sat here thinking about how tired I am already and the temptation is to go to sleep, but if I get into bed for a nap now then I won't get up until the morning and I really want to start writing tonight, because I finally have a goal in mind. The problem is that the anxiety is kicking my ass. 

Part of it is anxiety that I won't finish NaNoWriMo, even though I also know that that is not an option for me these days. Part of it is the anxiety that comes of looking at a blank page, but the great thing about the new software I downloaded is that it let's you put a graphic as the background stationary instead of just a blank page, which is comforting, and relaxing or could be inspiring. I'm really concerned that I may have taken on too much this year, but I also know that I need to use NaNo to build myself back to being okay. I need to do this to build my confidence back, because it took a massive knock recently. 

The thing is that anxiety does a couple of things when you're writing - some are horrendous, like making you doubt every single word. Some of the things it does though, some are amazing. I channel my anxiety through my writing. Writing soothes me and makes me deal with things that I haven't wanted to. It helps me to process things and that's what I love about it. Though, it does make me very snacky for sugary foods and coffee which is less than ideal since caffeine and sugar put anxiety into overdrive. 

This NaNoWriMo is going to be fun...

In a Perfect World,

I had this dream once, that I woke up and started writing, and everything just flowed perfectly. It sucks that this is most often a dream and not a reality, but in some ways it does have to feel like work. It doesn't need to feel like exerting a lot of effort, but if my emotions aren't involved, the characters are flat and that is fatal to a novel. 

30 days of the year my only real focus is writing. It is the centre of my universe, but that doesn't mean that the rest of the world stops spinning. In fact, as I have already admitted, this year is going to be busier than most. 

Tomorrow night will be the night to start it all and it will be like parachuting into the middle of the madness. And I just can't wait. 

A Girl's Gotta Do,

Sometimes in life there are things that you have to let go of, dreams that have to float away, and then sometimes there are things that you just have to do. 

Nine years ago I started "competing" in NaNoWriMo and a couple of years later heard about the wonders of The Night of Writing Dangerously. It's a fundraising event, but also a ridiculous amount of fun for all involved, but it's in San Francisco and there were always other things which seemed to take priority. Unfortunately this year will now be the last Night of Writing Dangerously, and I half convinced myself I could let it go. 

The problem was, I just couldn't. I'm really glad that I had the option to not give up on it, but it is also completely crazy to think that in less than five weeks time, I'm going to be flying to San Francisco.

I've got a plan for what I'll be doing for the week that I'm there (not in ridiculous amounts of detail, but enough to know what I'm doing) and it's kind of incredible. I'm going to be able to go to several NaNo events and have some time to explore a city that I've always had a bit of a romantic fascination with. 

I might not end up writing very much in terms of blogs when I'm over there, but I'm hoping to get a lot of writing done! Anyway, more on this later! 

It's That Time of Year Again,

Ah, October. How have you come around so fast? I would swear it was only a small number of weeks ago that we were ushering in 2018 and now we're almost putting on it's coat ready for it to leave. Whilst I will, probably in December, be writing a 'where did the year go' post, this is not it. 

I've always loved October. It's my brother's birthday, which was amazing when I was little because my parents called it my un-Birthday (and the same for my brother on my birthday) so we got a present on each other's birthdays. It was kind of cool. After that my favourite holiday was always Halloween. I loved dressing up as "something scary" and I loved the chocolate and the sweets. I still love Halloween. I still love dressing up. I never really hit the Americanised "slutty animal" costume phase, but my costumes tend to be comical in a different way these days, such as the university Pikachu, because a friend was dressed as Ash and it gave my an excuse to jump on his back and scream Pikachu all evening. I stopped short of getting those zapper rings and giving people electric shocks, though deeply regretted it later because that would have been awesome. 

Several years ago though, when I was about 16, I met my soulmate in competition form and started a long term relationship with National Novel Writing Month. It takes over my life in November and has been responsible for some of the very best (and one of the very worst) times in my life. The best advice I can ever give anyone - BACK UP YOUR NOVEL!! CONSTANTLY!! Since that day, October 31st is terrifying and exciting for a whole other reason. As soon as midnight strikes, the witches and wizards and aliens and heart throbs and everything else come out and the literary abandon begins. We do crazy things like eating pizza for breakfast and staying up all night writing. We forsake our communications with friends, family and other loved ones for a single goal - write the novel.

I've started thinking of October now as NaNoAdvent. It is the time where I stock up on pizzas and snacks that will hopefully tide me through at least the first week (though normally I tear through them in a mad panic in the first few hours...)

So this is it - Nano2018 is nearly upon us. It's time to brace yourself!