It Works If You Work It,

No, I've not joined AA. 

For a long time I have seen writing as some form of therapy. Music and writing are very, very good for me, because music can manipulate my mood when I need it to and writing allows me to express opinions and emotions that I don't necessarily know how to process otherwise and I'm not overly interested in learning to box or hit things to stop being angry, because I don't think it would be healthy for me...

So saying that, sometimes reading things I wrote years ago amazes me. I just read an email I wrote about 3 years ago. I wasin Greece and hadn't been in years. I was back in a place that I have often considered to be my second home, I was with my mum and dad, but I was missing someone terribly and I was writing to him. 

Reading the words I wrote, I can see the cheeky git I was, and it's a part of my personality that I really enjoy, but I know that it's also a part that I lose very quickly, or that can turn into being very sarcastic and a bit of a pain in the ass. I have to try to be a lot more careful with that.

Being a lot more careful doesn't just mean kicking my own ass into writing more, which I really do need to do, because the last few months have been difficult and I've not been doing as much as I could, should, or would like to, and yes, I can make the excuse of I don't have a laptop anymore, and I've been working a lot, but making excuses doesn't really get me any closer to actually doing anything, does it?

I don't want it to get to November and I'm still allowing myself to make every excuse under the sun as to why I'm not getting through what I need to be. The first two weeks of November, the other lady I work with will be away, so I know it's going to be busy, but busy or not, I know that I can definitely fit in time to write 1667 words a day, because when I'm actually putting in effort, that's about an hour to an hour and a half. There should not be a point where I don't have an hour to an hour and a half, particularly with the time that I spend commuting. 

Granted, it would also be really nice to push myself again after finally having a 15k day last year. It would be nice to be able to prepare for it this year and then achieve it comfortably rather than as a caffeine fuelled asshole who then cannot sleep. The sense of victory was lovely, but it does slightly take the shine off it when you make so many typos because of all the shaking. 

I know it's possible. There arre people who manage much more crazy feats, though I would like to question them about their employment status when they get to 50k in 3 days. I also wonder what on Earth these people are living on, because I have a serious amount of takeaways and microwave meals to cut down cooking time, and still don't have the serious amounts of time. Perhaps they're vampires and don't need to sleep. I know how horrendous I feel when I don't sleep, so trying that is unfortunately not an option. 

What I do know is that I'm not going to leave myself in the situation of last year where I'm trying to squeeze my snack shopping and a last minute nap into the hour and a half before midnight. There will be snack food, there will be a big sleep, there will be a count down, and then there will be blood. (No, I'm kidding...)

Catch you later.

Sometimes, I Feel Like Screaming,

It should comes as no surprise to anyone that I am quite a stressy person. I like things to go right first time, and they rarely do, and on those regular occasions that they go wrong, I get quite frustrated and don't necessarily know how to react. It's a bad habit that I am trying to break, but it takes a lot of time to retrain yourself, particularly from something that seems very instinctual. 

Part of the problem I have is that when I get stressed about situations, different things go, 'I did not sign up for this sh*t, I'm leaving' so my immune system ends up in the toilet, or I end up dizzy to the point of not knowing where the ceiling is. I had one of those last night/this morning, partly because one of my piercings is not overly happy, and I don't recommend them. 

One of the major problems is that I do not help myself at all. 

Aside fron all the normal joys of a 23 year old (working, Netflixing, saving up for a deposit for my own place, eating, sleeping etc) I am a fully certified crazy person for trying to write a novel in a month, and then have all the palaver of finishing and editing etc that comes along with it, a write in group who also have movie nights (my poor social calendar :P) and have signed myself up to learning to drive again (as in, I am again attempting to learn to drive, though the sucess of this is yet to be measured) AND, this is the big one, I am one of the new MLs for London.

Now, for those of you who aren't down with lingo, an ML is a Municipal Liason Officer. MLs are not only responsible for dragging their own sorry behinds through November alive, well and with 50 thousand words under their belt, but also hauling ass and getting as many other people there to. We set up write ins, send pep talks, moderate forums and are generally there as the wall to wail to and shoulder to cry on when we are needed.

London, as you can well imagine, is a massive region, so there are four of us sharing the load like a lovely pack of Greek donkeys trotting up the side of Santori with a tour load of American's suitcases strapped to our backs, but it is truly an amazing egion to be a part of. We're asked to attempt to provide a write in at least once per week, but we're going to aim at 4+, a Kick Off Party and a Thank God It's Over, because I need sleep and the Red Bull ran out party... As well as an overnight lock in and a walking tour of London with writing stops built in. *BIG BREATH IN*

It is insane to think that it was only 7 years ago that I was preparing for my first NaNo competition. In facct, this time 7 years ago, I'm not sure that my friend who introduced me to NaNo had even done so yet. I came out of that competition devastating at what I percieved as losing. It was an eight month slog that turned my 22,500 NaNo peice into a full length novel that, warts and all, I am still proud of, and it provided the UK size 13 boot up my butt that spurred me into my next NaNo where I managed the 50k and wrote Fairies.

Every year, I have attempted to up the ante. Last year, it was wanting to achieve the 15k day, and I was beyond proud when I realised that goal. I am hoping that being an ML will help me to help other people, not just in the London region, reach their own goals, as well as being able to set and smash some more of my own. The ground work is being laid, the countdown is on. Are you with us? Are  you ready?