For a long time I have seen writing as some form of therapy. Music and writing are very, very good for me, because music can manipulate my mood when I need it to and writing allows me to express opinions and emotions that I don't necessarily know how to process otherwise and I'm not overly interested in learning to box or hit things to stop being angry, because I don't think it would be healthy for me...
So saying that, sometimes reading things I wrote years ago amazes me. I just read an email I wrote about 3 years ago. I wasin Greece and hadn't been in years. I was back in a place that I have often considered to be my second home, I was with my mum and dad, but I was missing someone terribly and I was writing to him.
Reading the words I wrote, I can see the cheeky git I was, and it's a part of my personality that I really enjoy, but I know that it's also a part that I lose very quickly, or that can turn into being very sarcastic and a bit of a pain in the ass. I have to try to be a lot more careful with that.
Being a lot more careful doesn't just mean kicking my own ass into writing more, which I really do need to do, because the last few months have been difficult and I've not been doing as much as I could, should, or would like to, and yes, I can make the excuse of I don't have a laptop anymore, and I've been working a lot, but making excuses doesn't really get me any closer to actually doing anything, does it?
I don't want it to get to November and I'm still allowing myself to make every excuse under the sun as to why I'm not getting through what I need to be. The first two weeks of November, the other lady I work with will be away, so I know it's going to be busy, but busy or not, I know that I can definitely fit in time to write 1667 words a day, because when I'm actually putting in effort, that's about an hour to an hour and a half. There should not be a point where I don't have an hour to an hour and a half, particularly with the time that I spend commuting.
Granted, it would also be really nice to push myself again after finally having a 15k day last year. It would be nice to be able to prepare for it this year and then achieve it comfortably rather than as a caffeine fuelled asshole who then cannot sleep. The sense of victory was lovely, but it does slightly take the shine off it when you make so many typos because of all the shaking.
I know it's possible. There arre people who manage much more crazy feats, though I would like to question them about their employment status when they get to 50k in 3 days. I also wonder what on Earth these people are living on, because I have a serious amount of takeaways and microwave meals to cut down cooking time, and still don't have the serious amounts of time. Perhaps they're vampires and don't need to sleep. I know how horrendous I feel when I don't sleep, so trying that is unfortunately not an option.
What I do know is that I'm not going to leave myself in the situation of last year where I'm trying to squeeze my snack shopping and a last minute nap into the hour and a half before midnight. There will be snack food, there will be a big sleep, there will be a count down, and then there will be blood. (No, I'm kidding...)
Catch you later.
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