Once upon a time there was a Camp NaNoWriMo that started when a Charlie who Writes was actually on camp. The unfortunate thing about that was that there was no way I was ever going to start writing, because I had too much to do with the kids, supervising them and doing things for them, as well as a complete lack of internet access, well, other than on my phone, but I can't operate 4thewords from my phone, so no writing was going to get done over that weekend. I've not been back for very long, but I feel like my brain has been screaming, especially when all I have been doing is sleeping off the tiredness, telling me that there is a NaNo event going on and I'm failing. I don't like failing at all, so it is hard to hear even when it's only in my own head, that there is something I am failing at.
Writing is the sort of thing that I love to do, have pretty much always loved to do, but also feel very guilty when I don't give it the time that I think I owe it. It's stupid because it's a sort of self-care thing I do for myself and it's not a feeling guilty because I'm not taking care of myself, but feeling guilt as though it's a task that I need to do and that means that I start feeling pretty pressured about it.
The difficulty at the moment is finding the time to do anything. I am working and Scouting, driving, running to the store for the things I need, looking after the dog and trying to keep the house in order. The last one of those hasn't really been getting off of the ground at all, so trying to get away from the guilt of that to write has effectively been a lost cause. However, it's NaNo and I can't get through a NaNo without doing any writing whatsoever, so hopefully this is the turning point. Not that I know what I am writing at the moment, but I never really get that figured out before I start, do I?
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