"CHIVALRY AIN'T DEAD, Y'KNOW?" Oh really? Are you sure?
Here's an idea; can we take chivalry and rebaptise it as human decency?
The reason I have an issue with this idea of chivalry is three main things. Chivalry is about the way a man treats a woman, particularly a woman whom he is romantically interested in and to me that excludes too many people because if you're not romantically interested in the person or they don't fit into your ideas of a woman or how a woman should behave, chivalry can go out of the window. The other issue is why is it that men only have to behave this way to women, and not to other men? The last is that sometimes it can feel a little condescending and I don't have time for that.
I went on a date recently where someone was acting with this old fashion idea of chivalry and it was lovely. He opened doors for me, pulled my chair out from the table (which confused me because I didn't know that was what he was going to do, but it was also really sweet) and generally treated me like a lady. It was quite a novel experience. Now, he is the type that would behave like that towards another man, not because he's interested in them, but just because he's a really nice person.
To me, opening a car door for someone, pulling out their chair for them, helping them carry their child's pushchair down the stairs to the Tube because otherwise, it's really not very accessible for them, they're the sort of things that should be done by everyone for everyone. In some cases, yes, it's better to offer the assistance and give the person the chance to decline, or even just signpost that you're doing something to be helpful 'Here, let me get that door for you' 'Do you need a hand?' and my favourite Irish expression of 'Will I help you with your pushchair?' I had someone grab hold of the front of the buggy of the child I was nannying and take off down the stairs at top speed. The assistance was appreciated except for the fact that I nearly lost my grip of the buggy and nearly fell more than once, and that was quite scary. A bit of warning would have been lovely.
It's not just women who need assistance, even though I did read an article recently that stated that the world is designed for men, and I believe it is true in a lot of instances. It might be to do with hidden disabilities, or it might not be, but sometimes men need help, and sometimes a little expression of human kindness or decency from a stranger is enough to remind us that we are connected in this world; you have to put a hell of a lot of effort into being alone.
Last thing, and this is the controversial one, chivalry is from before the era of #thisgirlcan. In fact, it was far more #nowomancan. Women aren't going to dirty their pretty white gloves touching doors and now, we're more than capable of moving our own chairs. It might be a minority, but there are still people who insist on doing these things for us and calling us dear whilst thinking of us as delicate little flowers who mustn't do things for ourselves. It's outdated, but it happens. If you see a woman struggling to carry something heavy, there's nothing wrong with saying, 'That looks heavy, do you need any help?' but is it very condescending to say 'Oh you poor dear, let me take that from you.' because you think she can't do it. Yes, women these days do themselves an injury trying to do things they should ask for help with, but to assume you know better about what she can do is doing her a disservice, and then she'd prefer to have the injury than the help.
TL;DR: Don't be an arsehole. Offer to help, and do it for everyone. Catch you later.
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