Originally, I was just going to finish that sentence with 'is pumping really boring?' but then I realised that there were a few endings to that sentence as there have been to a number of others recently, with the next one that came to mind being, is there never a muslin around when you need one? or is everything fair game for cleaning up when you're pumping, because my God it seems like one day in at least every three or four, someone has moved the muslins that I keep by the bed for when I'm pumping, and I'm not mad about it, because I know it was either because of a boob leak or because our son was spitting up, or peeing, or in the bath or shower and getting cold, so we grabbed the closest muslin and then forgot to replace it for the other things it is needed for. Genuinely I just used one of the baby's bibs that's in our room for when he's being fed overnight in order to clean up whilst detaching from the pump and I'm not even sorry, because we just have to use what is to hand rather than leak breast milk over everything in sight or dribbling distance.
I should add another ending to that sentence could easily be, are pumping bras utter crap?? Maybe it's my fault for not stuffing breast pads into them, but it's hard enough attached and detaching from a pump without having another piece of material, some of which are actually a bit aggressive and scratchy, in my bra to contend with, especially because pumping bras seem to be either too tight with the pump in - especially if you're using a wearable - or too loose when not wearing or using a pump, or they ping back and flick your (already very sensitive) nipples, or they spring back and soak up any milk residue on your breasts and then they start smelling weird in the course of only a few hours and it's impossible to have them washed and dried for every time you need them without owning too many, and they're expensive as it is, so who can afford to do that? Maybe it's just me but they're starting to figuratively get on my tits as well as literally.
But I can definitely say is pumping really boring fits onto the end of that sentence, particularly because everything I've read about successful pumping, especially about power pumping etc, is to try and ignore the clock and ignore the amount of milk coming out, and there is only so much time you can spend massaging your own tits in the hope of helping the milk come out better or getting them to make more milk for the little human that they're trying to feed, but with a pair of bottles hanging off the front of you and a need to avoid knocking them so that they don't spill, or detach a little so they make fart noises and interrupt the suction, the options of what you can do at the same time get sort of limited. I feel like I'm spending more time on my phone than ever before, and trying to find things I can do during that which are productive, instead of descending into a number of mobile games or having another ill-fated attempt at learning a language with Duolingo. It's not that I don't think that would be productive, because it would, but I know I'm too tired to do it properly and it makes me more likely to fall asleep and then I am more likely to spill a lot of milk down myself and the bed or sofa I'm sitting on, and whilst the mess itself is frustrating, breast milk is the one milk you can cry over being spilt, because it is devastating.
I seem to get stuck in a cycle of sitting and watching the clock or thinking of all of the things I could be doing with the time instead of pumping, and I really wish I could get out of the habit, because I know that I'm doing this for the sole reason of feeding my son, and making sure he gets all of the goodness of breast milk, even when I can't quite cope with the feeling of breast feeding. I have managed to type out a few blogs on my mobile, but it's not the easiest task in the world and again, I keep falling asleep in the middle, so maybe I just need to accept it for the moment and think again of things to do when I'm getting just a little bit more sleep.
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