Or at least I think so...
This isn't meant as any shade towards anyone with a custom ring, by the way.
There are some times when they make sense. A former partner of mine bought, or was gifted, I can't really remember the story, a large, partially finished amethyst when he was visiting India, and the plan was always to get it finished and set into a ring as an engagement ring, and that would have made a lot of sense to me. I also get when people get stones from heirloom rings either reshaped or refinished or just reset into something more modern or more to the taste of the intended wearer. What I don't quite get is saying, I couldn't find anything I like, so I got something custom... Oh kay...
When my partner and I were looking at rings (he wasn't my fiancé at the point because he hadn't asked and I hadn't said yes, because he wanted to do it properly and have the ring ready) there was so much choice it was a bit overwhelming, and even though you're thinking about the question of spending the rest of your lives together - or at least you hope that's the intention! - I personally think the question of budgets is an awkward one, but I'm not a big fan of talking about money generally.
I know some people can be really specific about engagement rings (whether their own or someone else's) and it has to be a diamond (traditionally it's the protect the woman's virginity (not sure that's such a big deal these days) and it should be x proportion of a wage (I think the tradition was something like a week or a months pay cheque or something) and a ring from Pandora is definitely not an engagement ring (genuinely read a story about that on Facebook and the comments made me die a little on the inside). There's other things like pre-owned rings are bad luck but heirloom rings are good... What's the difference? Well, a pre-owned one is one someone bought and used for a proposal where the answer was no, and an heirloom is one from a marriage. Clearly, it was all down to the ring...
I've had a costume ring I was in love with for years and I was specifically looking for something in the same style, but I would have loved whatever ring he picked, or we picked, I think, though maybe there are a couple of caveats to that. I'm not the biggest fan of pear or oval or marquise shaped stones not for any other reason than I'm just not, and I wasn't particularly enamoured with the idea of a solitaire ring or something pave (I can't find the accent on an Apple keyboard...) but there were still millions to choose from be it diamonds or other stones, different bands, different cuts or whatever. If literally nothing from jewellers would have done I know a few different vintage stores that carry gorgeous rings and I might have been able to find something I loved in the right size or something near enough I could have had it resized, but as it turned out, I found the perfect ring and said something like that one... and my partner said, okay, that one...
Now the only problem with "that one" was a wedding band wasn't going to fit under it, and it wasn't going to sit nicely next to it, so I was trying to look for something that would go around it. Why does this feel like we're going on a bear hunt?
Now, I thought it was highly logical to just go back to the same jewellers because surely if something is sold as an engagement ring they would stock a wedding ring to go with it, even if it's not sold in a wedding or bridal set? Well, apparently not. They suggested a ring with a bump in it, but the bump wasn't the right size or shape or angle or whatever to sit around my ring. They suggested a flat ring, but it didn't sit under my ring, or under the detail (it also wasn't anything like anything I wanted) and they suggested what I can only describe as either an incomplete or horse shoe ring. It didn't suit my engagement ring at all, and I'm kind of glad because again, it was nothing close to anything I wanted or liked, so the jeweller suggested their design service for a custom ring. We paid a fee, sent my ring off to be cast so that the new ring would fit with it perfectly and gave them a brief of what we wanted. All it had to be was a plain wedding band that looked like a wedding band, the same thickness as the band on my engagement ring, no diamonds, no inclusions, no nothing. It was something simple and understated and when they came back with a price that was well over a thousand pounds (from memory it was actually closer to fifteen hundred...) my jaw and my butt were in a race to the floor because honestly, I couldn't believe it. We went to collect my engagement ring from the store and I was feeling sad because I thought I wouldn't find something and I should have factored that in during the engagement ring search, but on the way I found something different, which still wasn't right, but it made them think hey, what about a wishbone shape? And it was perfect. And it was more elaborate. And it was less than half of what we were quoted for the custom ring. For the same shape. I was honestly livid.
My wedding ring is sat in a box with my future husband's future ring, and I can't wait to wear it, not just because it will mean we're married, and that the wedding is over, but also because I genuinely love it, and I think it looks stunning next to my engagement ring. I think back about the money we nearly spent on a ring to fit my engagement ring and it makes me feel sick. I don't know if it's just that the jewellers were pushing that service, or if they really hadn't thought of that ring or in a moment of temporary insanity had forgotten it existed, or if they thought we had the sort of money to drop that kind of cash on my wedding ring, but it upset me for a long while and for a few different reasons. In all of the wedding planning process, that was one of the genuinely really difficult bits, not because I'm being a bit soft, but because it genuinely felt so complicated, so expensive and so bloody stupid.
But we muddled through it and we found our way in the end, and I'm glad that we did. It took us a while to find the right wedding ring, but then it took us a long while to find each other, so maybe it fits. And at the risk of sounding very twee, I couldn't imagine any other ring being right just like I couldn't imagine any other person being right. You may now vomit into the nearest available waste paper basket. (Kidding).
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