When There Are No Words,

I want to dispell any idea that I haven't been writing on here recently because I've not been doing much or because I haven't had anything to say. Neither of those things is correct.

It's also not true to say that I have been mentally busy to the extent that writing a little something would have been impossible, but whilst I have had things to say, I know that I often say things emotionally and then wonder why I did it. 

I react emotionally to most things in my life and it's not something I believe I can do anything about, even if I wanted to. The bad thing about it is that when there are a lot of things going on, there are a lot of things that make me want to shout, scream and throw a tantrum and I would rather do that in the company of friends as opposed to the arena of the internet. A lot of things have really, and it's rare for me to swear on here, so hopefully that will indicate how difficult this has been, a lot of things have pissed me right off.

Some of them are just more instances of things I have written on here previously. I am so sure that people are sick of how, particularly recently, have been irritated by men forcing their interest on women when they don't want it, and how women owe them nothing, but it keeps happening. I feel like I've walked into another world entirely and suddenly it's just accepted that this is a thing. I hate the whole 'safe space' things at university and 'trigger warnings' without a damn good reason, but sometimes I want to trip back there for a few days of respite. Or just not leave my flat, and I don't need encouragement for that. 

The worst thing is I know that my frustration comes out when I write, and I can't deal with ruining all of the things I work so hard on because things are a bit shit at the moment. Yes, art imitates life, or life imitates art, and there have been times where I've felt like I've been dragged through an emotional blender, because one of my characters was heart broken or brutally murdered or something, but what I don't want to do is write something when I'm feeling like this, because I would get the nickname Georgia (after George RR Martin) for massacring everyone and everything. Of course, not writing contributes to the existential frustration and it all just becomes a self-perpetuating cycle which I struggle to stop.

Supposedly a change is as good as a rest, so I'm working on changes at the moment, but it's difficult because it's not something which I have control over, so I can't say as to when things will change. Or if that change will help.

See, this is why it aggravates me when people think that writing is just putting a pen to paper or fingers to keyboard - it is so much more than that. It just becomes a part of you. It has become a large part of me.