See You in Paris,

Today is one of those days where I'm staring at the blank screen where a blog should be and I had no idea what to write. Part of me wasn't sure I really wanted to write anything, but if I keep giving into that feeling of not wanting to do anything, if I keep allowing that to be the winning feeling, I spend all my weekend, every weekend, doing absolute diddly squat, and anyone who knows me knows that feeds into this horrible vicious cycle. 

At the moment, I am trying really hard to get myself to the point where I want to be. I'm "happy" with the journey of it, and I am somewhat content with my life, but there are a few things I want to do that I think will make me more easily content. The problem is that one of my main flaws is I am impatient; I want everything to happen immediately and it doesn't. 

I booked myself a trip to Paris for my birthday. It's been a long time since my last holiday, a very long time since I last left the country and I was still sucking my thumb the last time I visited Paris, so I don't remember it for the life of me. There are things I want to do there, and things that I want to see, and so I decided to just do it. 

Unfortunately, there are other things that it is more complicated to just do. 

Part of me really wants to buy a place in London. Mostly that's because I know it would make me feel more secure, and partly it is so that people (not even mostly family surprisingly enough) can stop asking me that really annoying question of 'when are you moving back up north?'. Seriously, it's more irritating to me than the 'when are you going to get married/have babies' questions, though that might be more because they have slowed down the longer I have been single. Thankfully the 'when are you going to find someone nice' has also slowed down, though I think it's more because people think being single is a sensitive topic of conversation. 

The big problem with buying a place in London is, of course, who the hell can afford that? Especially going back to the single thing. Never mind sham marriages to get a visa, I'm surprised we're not seeing them to get a mortgage! God forbid you should be happy living alone. 

The other thing is wanting to re-write a novel - not the one I lost. It's harder to focus on than I anticipated, and despite knocking out a 20k day during NaNo, I'm managing about 1k a day with this. 

I know that I just need to buck up, get stuck in and accept that things are happening, however slowly, but sometimes that's just a little tricky to do.