A few of these Preptober blogs have been about struggling with NaNoWriMo and I think the reason I've been focusing on that is because I've been really struggling this year with so much that it was definitely a possibility at one stage, and to some extent still is, that I take this year off of NaNo or that I take it considerably easier than I have in previous years.
There has only been one year in the past fifteen that I took the year off of NaNoWriMo and it wasn't a happy time for me. Honestly, I felt a little bit lost after it, but it was because I needed to get on with my dissertation. I knew I needed to take some time out of things which I let rule my life to focus on what I really needed to do. Sadly, not long after NaNoWriMo my Nana then passed away, so it was good that I had spent the time during November actually working on my dissertation, because I was in no fit state to do it later and I would have had to, because I needed to get a draft in. And much like with anything else, you need a draft to work from before you can really get anywhere, especially as it was something I really needed feedback on.
This year my mental health has been particularly bad, I got my ADHD diagnosis and have been all over the place with that - it started good and then it went bad and then I bounced back up again and now I'm not great - and there have been a few other significant events that have kind of rocked the boat.
Whether you are a veteran of NaNoWriMo or just starting out, or anywhere in between really, noping out for a year does not make you any less of a writer, and you can still be a part of the community even if you have to say this is not the year, and this is not the one. You don't owe anyone a reason for doing that, and it's completely fine to keep your profile on private, not discuss your word count or skip out on the TGIO party because those things just aren't working for you. Existing in the community without participating in NaNoWriMo is definitely a valid position.
That being said, and going back to my earlier point, I was gutted I didn't even try to get involved that year. I've spoken before about my inability to treat Camp in the same way as NaNo, so I felt a little adrift, partly because of how long I have been doing this, but also partly because I knew it was another 12 months before I could get involved in this thing I have loved. I didn't want to put NaNoWriMo down, but I had to, because my ability to regulate my focus sucks. (This is one of the reasons I could have done with knowing about the ADHD before - I might have been able to look at how to do things differently!)
The first year I did NaNoWriMo I didn't win, but I did write twenty two thousand words. I wasn't immediately happy with it, but I've got to the point where I am. It's worth pointing out that trying is better than nothing, because trying is doing, and it's doing the best that you can. If your best comes out at 22k, cool, if you're best is 50k, cool, if you're best is just turning up to write ins and finding some new writing buds, all cool.
I've seen people attempt NaNoWriMo through all sorts, whether it be late pregnancy, the new born stage, new jobs, new relationships, new homes, being away camping and not being a person that writes with pens, new diagnoses, all sorts. The only thing that decides that something is the kiss of death for your ability to have a go is you, though it is worth thinking not only about how you will feel if you don't, but also how you will feel if you do and it doesn't go to plan. That kind of devastation on top of other things can be really hard to process, especially when we're feeling any form of insecure, which a lot of the above can make us feel even if we're not acknowledging that it is making us feel that way.
It's okay to not be sure, it's okay to take some time out and it's also okay to plan to "fail" against the official target, because the most important part is you. Give yourself the time and space to think about what is best for you and then just be you, no matter what form that has to take.
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