Right, I realise that admitting to watching trash TV like Married At First Sight is the sort of thing that can really divide opinions, but it's a bit like Fifty Shades of Grey - once you've started there's something a little bit addictive about it so you stick with it. I still blame Nicholas Sparks for me starting reading that (and I still can't believe I got to ask Nicholas Sparks for advice on writing, but that's another tangent.)
I've been watching it this evening because I needed a little bit of light relief from something else that's been going on that I'm not discussing in detail (if you follow NaNoWriMo, you probably already know) but honestly, it's winding me up.
There are a couple of people talking about what they want (which is fair enough) and what they deserve, and the bit of what they deserve is getting on my nerves. I know it's just because my head is in a bit of a weird space at the moment, but I find it really grating because people in general so often do not get what they deserve. I'm not just talking about relationships, though it's true, a lot of times people really do not get what they 'deserve' in relationships, but just in general, people don't get what they 'deserve'.
The majority of our community doesn't 'deserve' what's happening at the moment, in losing access to a big part of our community, even if the expectation is that it will be temporary. The young people who have been through so much and have supported each other didn't deserve any of the things that they have been talking about having happened to them. The people who are currently having to clean up this situation and are having to deal with everyone's emotions, be it sadness, frustration or anger, do not deserve what is being thrown at them.
Personally, I think I deserve a good night's sleep, but that's not happened for a very long time. Trying to think about the last time I actually slept properly makes me want to cry because it was the last time I felt really and properly safe, and that was quite a bit of time ago now.
Honestly, as I said earlier in this, I know it is partly because of the headspace that I am in. I'm not a big fan of the word triggered, but there is definitely something that happens in my brain that means sometimes, things just land differently and get right under my skin so quickly, and it happens a lot more when I'm tired, when I'm stressed or when everything is just too loud and I don't know how to try and calm it down. And also when I am either under or over caffeinated, and it doesn't happen very often that I keep a perfect balance.
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