"Normal",

I might have written about this before, but it's something that really bugs me and continues to bug me this many months later, so here we go...

This isn't about being a "normal" person; that seems to have fallen by the wayside for a lot of people because there is an acceptance that "normal" doesn't exist because everyone is an individual. Cool. That's great.

So why do we still use the term "normal" when it comes to a birth?

Let's be honest, normal is used synonymously with vagina birth, despite the fact that there was outcry back in December that these number of births via C-section had risen so much that C-sections accounted for over 50% of births, to my memory. Even if these were the only two methods of birth possible, how does that make a spontaneous vaginal birth "normal"? 

"Normal" birth seems to refer to a spontaneous vaginal birth with no interventions needed, but instrumental assistance is needed in a percentage of births, induction is needed in a percentage of births, episiotomy is needed in a percentage of births.

Particularly when we interact with the NHS, the need for clarity and specificity seems to be lost behind this terminology that doesn't really have a whole lot of meaning, and doesn't give a lot of information, but rolls off the tongue. I've been on the receiving end of eye rolls and smirks because I question what they mean, but I don't know what they're asking me. Why is it so hard to say, was it a C-section or vaginal birth? if it was a C-section, do you know what category of C-section? Vaginal? Was intervention needed? Was medication required? Was it at home, a birth centre or a hospital? Did mum or baby need extra attention after the birth? 

What is beside the point, of course, is that this is all in my notes. And my son's notes. Why do I need to go over this information at every appointment or interaction with a doctor?

It's not a thing of making conversation, because using that word shuts down conversation about a person's birth experience. Saying a "normal" birth is like saying, if you followed a certain path, I know what your experience was. It's formulaic in a way that birth isn't. Some people are terrified of vagina birth because of the pain, because of the effort or because of the risk of bleeding or tearing. Some people are terrified of C-section because of the pain, or the recovery, because of the judgment of not being a real mum or not having experienced a real birth.

And maybe I am still just being sensitive because I haven't come to terms with the fact I had a C-section, or the parts that were done badly. Maybe I'm still mourning the birth I imagined or the birth I wanted, but that shouldn't detract from the fact that the language which is typically used by a lot of the NHS isn't working for the conversations we're trying to have.