And After Less Than Two Hours of Not Being Connected to the Internet, Charlie Lost a Little Bit More of Her Mind,

If I'm not careful, the titles for these are going to end up being longer than the posts...

Anyway, before my power line adaptors forgot what their role in life is, I was going to call this post Just Because You Have a Voice Box, Doesn't Mean Your Voice Has To Stay In It's Box. As an ex-Northerner, I'm a little bit 'over friendly' for London, and it scares some Southerners shitless - I'm not even kidding. Talking on the Tube is pretty much banned unless you are reasonably intimately acquainted with the person that you're having the conversation with. Anyone, well, anyone Northern would think you were discussing the contents of your knicker drawer if they saw the look on some people's faces.

Point is, as often happens, I struck up a lovely conversation with someone, from something which many would see as insignificant - A typewriter on a notebook. Now, going past the philosophical garbage that we could spout in relation to The Fault in Our Stars, and how the typewriter was not a real typewriter... Basically we got talking about typewriters, novelly things, NaNoWriMo and the busy-ness of London living, though not necessarily in that order. It kind of got me thinking that people don't really connect enough.

So here is what I mean by that:

I don't mean that we don't have enough of a connection to the people we meet, because I know a lot of people who will add you on Facebook because you happened to go to the same university, at the same time, even though you have probably NEVER and probably WILL NEVER actually come across that person and have anything like a meaningful conversation!!!! (I was trying not to rant, honestly, it just didn't work) however there are other people whose lives we sort of merrily skip in and out of very quickly without thinking bugger social convention, I'm going to give this person a conversational cuddle, and also, if they ask for my advice or ask me a question about something I possibly know something about, I'm going to answer it, instead of just being an ignorant mug and attempting to be an island from everyone that I don't already know. If that is you, you're attitude stinks - no offence. Okay, maybe a little offence.

The fact is, we all have things that we are the absolute tits at, and other things which make us look and feel like an absolute tit, and whilst we could sit and have a moan about how that sucks and we wish we could be better at whatever it is that makes us look like a giant tit, we could be slightly pro-active and find someone to help us get better - EVEN IF THAT PERSON IS OUTSIDE OF OUR LITTLE SOCIAL CIRCLE - or accept that we suck at it, but we're awesome at something else, and celebrate our own awesome alongside other people's awesome. Like drinking great champagne to celebrate something, and also celebrating that the people that made said champagne really knew how to bottle the stars.

I've always wanted everything I write to fit together in a straight sort of way, almost like checking back in with some of the older characters later on in their life, but also to see that the world is not actually as big as we think it is - I ran into my cousin in Kings Cross once when I didn't even know she was in London for God's sake! - so rather than making our own world's smaller with this idea that the world is too big for us to do something amazing in it, just have a conversation with someone else and maybe make their day a bit better, if someone says they're struggling with something you can do, just help them. This world can be bad enough on it's own.

Too Much To Do Does Not a Life Make,

I keep getting really annoyed that I haven't really been writing any blogs for a while, but I have so much to do that I haven't even played Sims 4 or SimCity for a month, and they're my destress things, so I'm sure you can imagine that I'm a little bit of a X Track 2 (I'm a Mess - for all those who didn't get the Ed Sheeran reference). 

So, what's been happening? Well, more doctor's trips because I've been having inconvenient stomach pains - not that any stomach pain is particularly convenient if you actually like doing your job and are no longer in high school wanting to miss PE - getting infuriated at the library in my university when people are requesting books that I'm using for my dissertation, getting a bit panicked by essays and deadlines, going to see Ed Sheeran in concert (twice :P) and watching the filming of Russell Howard's Good News last night. Why does life always seem to fit much more nicely into timeslots when you list it all out? I always feel so busy!!

What am I currently procrastinating from (I don't care if that's incorrect use of the word, you understand what it means)? Well, I have to choose between two really fun essays: One about HIV and contraception, the other about the ethical status of natural family planning. Considering this is one of the courses I am technically resitting - not that I failed, I just didn't do the course first time... - I would rather do the second option, as I attempted the first last time, and I don't think it went so well...

In other news, I've finally reached a decision concerning National Novel Writing Month this year, and I have decided I'm not doing it. I'm sick of the amount of Facebook spam I get about it and, quite frankly, the pressure to focus that much on my novel writing at the moment would not be a welcome thing - I actually can't think of anything worse. Last year was amazing - 3 10k days and I finished within 19 days, beating my personal record (previously 20days) - but I kicked my own ass so hard because NaNo was the centre of my world; this year it can't be, and I don't know any other way to behave with it, so rather than make a royal fluff up of my last year at uni, I would rather put NaNo onto the backburner for a bit and focus on the stuff that I really need to do.

It's been a bloody hard decision, and it's not like I'm walking away from it for good, but I guess that at some point I have to see that NaNo doesn't and can't own me, and I don't need it, I just want it. If I never go back to it, it has been extraordinary for me - not just for the writer that I want to be, but also the person that I am. I've met some amazing people because of it, and I hope to stay in touch with a lot of them for a very long time, but like I said, I have far too much else going on at the moment to be able to afford the time to it that I spend on it. 

Best of luck to all those competing this year.

Anyway, best get back to it. 

Lots of Swear Words,

I'm a grumpy sort of person anyway, but when I have to be a rain soaked grumpy person and the rain soaks through to my pants, you're really going to know I'm in a bad mood. 

Anyway, we went to watch the Rocky Horror Picture Show at Kew Gardens as part of the summer screenings and if nothing else it came as a confirmation that summer is most definitely over. It was cold and wet and rainy, so the only time I felt like I had any life in my limbs was when the Time Warp came on - I could be on my death bed and I would still get up and jump to the left. We were all in agreement that had the ticket prices not been so expensive we would have just gone and got on the next bus home, but after paying nearly £17 excluding the booking fee, we all took the British approach and just got on with it. Thankfully the girls and I had pizza and the heating to come home to. 

As if that wasn't great enough, the Craptop is once again playing Knock-a-Door-Run on death's door and thinking it can win, when it so clearly can't. I know it's four years old, but the hard drive being knackered is about the last thing I need right now!! Thankfully though there are almost an infinite amount of tech savvy people in the world who know far better than me how to fix these things, and one of them in particular likes me enough to help - even though I turn into an insufferable B1tch when this sort of thing happens. 

Despite best efforts, I have unfortunately lost some of the novel I was working on, though due to my worst efforts towards a NaNo style deadline in the past four years, it thankfully wasn't that much and there are still roughly 5600 words to work from, which is pretty good. 

Anyway, I'm apparently having a social life tonight, so I guess I better sign off and get back to writing, although even I admit that my original deadline is making very pretty circles in the toilet bowl right now... 

Manchester Part 2,

Now that Craptop is behaving itself I can finally get this written, but first, a couple of moans:

1. The transport system in Manchester is a pile of ___________ (insert favourite profanity)
2. I think I need a children's Snuggie, since the sleeves are too far apart in mine 
3. My laptop sucks 

Anyway...since I've been back in Manchester, I've been meeting up with a lot of my old friends, and also running into people I haven't seen in years, which has been pretty odd, but ultimately interesting. Yesterday, I saw one of my old friends who essentially looks like he has a whole new face (it has been AT LEAST a year and a half, probably more like two years, since I've seen him though) and it was like, oh, hello beautiful. Interestingly though, I feel like nothing has changed. We still play video games together, I still suck at them, and they still - very accommodatingly might I add - set up the game in a different way so that it's almost impossible for me to lose. By the way, I love you guys! 

Today then brought about my very geeky side. Since the destruction of the blanket I have been OBSESSIVELY knitting to try and replace the patches that were essentially mashed and had to go in the bin, but that does mean I do things like knitting on the bus to town or in the cinema or watching the TV (or all of the above....guilty) I also hang around comic book stores and spend too much money on graphic novels, but if you've ever seen how beautiful The Watchmen and Kingdom Come are, you'll have to understand. 

Even better, Josh and I both proved our age (in our heads, somewhere between 62 and 90~) by sitting through another film, verbally tearing it apart and then admitting to having thoroughly enjoyed it. Jack the Giant Slayer and Warm Bodies (it's really odd that both films we've chosen to see recently have the same male lead) have both received the same treatment, but as I said, we really enjoyed them. 

Now if only I could find some time to edit that blasted novel!!!

P.s. CELEBRATING THE 1500 views!!! :) 

Dear BBC,

This is just going to be a quick blog because I found this really funny. 

So, BBC news is the homepage on my college computers. The first thing I saw when I connected to the internet today was the headline "Does the Modern Childhood End at 12?" followed by an article offering PARENTING ADVICE FROM THE BBC. BBC, are you serious? 

It feels like only weeks ago that the Jimmy Saville scandal broke into the public eye - and if you believe the Daily Mail then there is still news to be printed about this scandal (article linked to was published three day ago) - and now the BBC wants to give out parenting advice. I don't think so. 

Even still, I'd love a definition of what is the modern childhood. The age at which childhood ends has always been somewhat ambiguous and I think it fluctuates over time, dependent upon geography and actually varies person to person. 

During the times of the industrial revolution, childhood ended when the child was around five and could be put to work cleaning machines - because of their conveniently tiny little fingers - or up chimneys, because they were small enough to climb up them. 

After the passing of the Elementary Education Act 1880, the age at which childhood ends could be classed at age 10, when a child leaves compulsory education.  

Obviously from then there has been a progression into the modern era, where we seem to deem childhood as over by either 16 or 18, or even at 21 in America, depending on how you would determine the end of childhood, but considering we allow things such as the sexualisation of children through fashion trends and beauty pageants, as well as making children essentially adults in training by bringing in all the technological advancements we have in the working world - netbooks, iPads, iPhones etc - into the classroom, we can argue as to whether a pure form of childhood really exists. I really miss the days when I'd do stupid things like go on a bike ride for the whole day or go outside skipping or just general make-believe games that I remember as framing my childhood. Now, when I go home, most of the kids are on motorised scooters, sat on the corners of our street playing on the Nintendo DS or whatever the latest handheld games console is. 

The real issue that I'm having a moan about isn't whether or not the above paragraph is a destruction of what childhood should be in my view, it's that we're even complaining about things like this at all when some cultures actually believe that when a girl gets her first period which can be anywhere between the ages of 10 and 15, although the average is 12, that a girl has become a woman and it's time to have her married and having her own family. 

The adverts are all over the underground, and let's face it, there is barely more of an end to childhood than having your own child. This has ended up being a bit of a rant-gent (ranting tangent) from the original BBC parenting advice LOL but the point I'm making is Okay BBC, maybe we're pressuring kids to grow up too quickly and maybe a return to the days of playing hula hoop in the yard and then coming in for a bag of Hula Hoops when you've got home from school would be nice, but at least our 12 year olds aren't starting to raise their own families.

Childhood: When is it meant to end?

Nothing News,

Until I moved house, I was pretty oblivious with the news, because I don't have BBC News as my homepage any more, I didn't own a radio and I pick up the Metro or the Standard, but then I just don't really read it, since nothing really draws me into it. When I moved to Roehampton though, I became more into listening out for what's going on, because we have a radio in our kitchen which we have playing BBC Radio One pretty much all the time. I've just turned it off though, because I don't need "projections" of what the closures of HMV stores and Blockbuster going into administration is going to do to the film industry. 

What's basically being said is that film industries rely on the idea that they are going to make X amount of money from DVD sales, and the lack of stores on the high street offering these may reduce the amount of DVDs sold. If I'm honest, I think that is a dreadful pile of poo, because if you WANT the DVD and the DVD is still available through other channels e.g. Amazon then you're more than likely to still buy the bloody thing, right? I'm not saying it's an ideal situation, but it's not quite the dire straits that they're implying. Also, one of the reasons that rentals with Blockbuster are declining is because of the existence of other companies e.g. Netflix and Lovefilm who offer roughly the same service, but you don't have to try and run to the shops after work. Either they are delivered straight to your door and can be posted back, or they are just there on the internet in a beautiful, easy to search online library. The issue for Blockbuster is that they were overtaken. They could have, if they had realised how lucrative this business idea was, still been the big name with it, but Netflix and Lovefilm have developed their own reputations now, and would almost certainly be seen as the better alternative as they've had years to build, while Blockbusters have been declining.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not Amazon's biggest fan - the fact that they make the KDP website so difficult to FIND let alone actually NAVIGATE is something which is particularly annoying about them - but the fact is that when it comes to expanding the business to be more convenient for it's customers, hell, they do that better than anyone. I don't know if any of you have seen these new Amazon lockers - I know there's on in West 12 and Hammersmith Bus Station in London - but they're fantastic. If you live somewhere that isn't great for post *cough cough* Elephant and Castle *cough* or the package that you want would be too big to go through the letter box, you can just get them delivered there and pick them up in a couple of days. Simples. 

One of the things which did worry me though was that if there is seen to be a decline in DVD sales, then film makers will have to look for other sources of income to foot the costs (investors won't put money into it if they won't see a return after all) so whether we like it or not, I guess that means there's going to be more product placement in films from now on. Great. As if it wasn't weird enough to see James Bond drinking Hieniken. What the heck is going to be next? It just reminds me of a line from a truly underrated film called Catch and Release with Jennifer Garner in it where the guy describes movies as Sell, sell, sell, but let's kid ourselves and call it art, but advertising is Sell, sell, sell, and we all know that we're going to hell, so here's a big fat check to smooth out the ride. 

Anyway, with that and the horse meat scandal (which let's face it, most people are only throwing a tantrum about because they didn't know, and if you buy things like Findus anyway the only surprise should be that there's actually meat in it at all) I don't know why I'm paying attention. I don't know if it's that bad news sells better or that there's nothing happy going on in the world right now, but it almost makes me want to bake an absolute --- tonne of cake, take it down to the BBC and London Standard offices and tell them to cheer the hell up. 

Tell me something nice for once. Stop giving people reasons to think everything is crap.

I Will Not Be Sad Today

I refuse to do it, on principle, because I have already spent too much time being sad over this person, any yet, when Skype told me I had a notification from him, my heart still did that juddery thing that hearts do sometimes, and I don't know why. It's been over two years, so why is my heart still jumping? Turns out it was only Skype reminding me that today's his birthday and he's been around this world for 21 years today.

If we were still close, if we were still talking in any way I would be calling him about now and screaming happy birthday you old bastard down the phone, and and he'd remind me that it's only a month and fifteen days til my birthday (because he always got it confused with St Patricks, but I always thought his was on the fourth, so it was okay) when I turn 20, so he's not that old really.

Why is my heart still juddering? Probably because he is one of the few people who have walked out of my life, and that I haven't just accidentally let go of, or had a damn good reason to kick out ass first.

Today won't be one of those days though, where I realise and I get back into my jammies and listen to Danni California on loop like I used to have to so I could sleep without crying. Today is going to be one of those days where I go to my friends gig and have an AMAZING time, with some amazing people, and if he pops into my head, well he can pop right out again with the wind, because even though it's his birthday, today is my day. Yesterday, when I was baking like a crazy person without any real reason, yeah, he can have that day. Maybe I was sad because I knew today was coming, but today is my day to feel good and to feel happy and to enjoy myself. I'm going to Barfly, I'm going to watch the guys perform and I am going to love it, because it's worth being happy for.



I don't normally like posting stuff like this, because I hate the fact that I still get upset over something which happened so long ago, but maybe I just need to write it down to get it out of my system. I'm not going to post this one on Twitter or Facebook, so if you read it, you've found it either by chance, or maybe for a reason. If you think it's for a reason, I hope it helps you to find peace of mind, if only because there is someone else out there who feels the same way as you.

I need to get ready - need to do something with my ridiculous hair!!

Sometimes, Heaven Can't Wait

Twenty minutes after I woke up today, I got a call from a friend. The last time she called me, she was telling me that she got into York University, which made me completely elated, since I had been worried about her since I moved, the time before that - we have Facebook, negating the need for actually phone conversation - it was to tell me that a friend had committed suicide. Today, it was that someone from our college, someone from our classes, has been murdered, and she only found out through Facebook. 

The reason I'm publishing this on the internet for anyone and everyone to read is because I have literally no idea how on Earth I feel about it, except that I'm angry with something. For the first time since I got it, I took my Taize necklace off and threw it across the room, wanting to leave it where it landed when I move on Sunday, but then I realised something... At times like this, you can choose to do two things: you can either cling to the things which are dear to you, or you can reject them completely, so I picked it back up and made a vow to myself that come hell, high water or a few inches of snow, I'm going to go to church this week, like I have been meaning to since the university year started back. (This year I don't live on site and don't have a lecture beforehand, so there is nothing to force me to be on the site, and therefore in the chapel. I'm not overly great at kicking my own ass to go). I've also decided that - even though I'm going to be travelling on the poverty wagon (aka the bus) for a grand total of nine hours, just to spend six hours in Manchester - I'm going home to see some of the people who took the time to make my life a lot easier for a couple of years. I've been meaning to go back since I left, but I just, haven't. I guess part of that is that I know that the college isn't the same place that I started at three and a half years ago. They expanded it, and ruined the most beautiful part. 

The travelling is going to - not only be a pain in the gonads - drive me to something close to a Charlie version of insanity, which is not pleasant and you ought to stay as far away from it as possible. On the plus side, I will either have a lot of time to veg out and think about all the nasty and horrible ways I want to mess with my characters (drama is what makes my novels vaguely interesting after all) or maybe even to get some writing done. Or editing, but don't get your hopes up, because that is unlikely. 


Although, seeing Yours, on Kindle for the first time will be exciting stuff, and I will be better off having something to focus on, instead of just stewing on whatever I'm thinking for the entire journey...

2 Months, 2 Days

In 2 months and 2 days, (19th of March for any of those struggling... :P) I turn twenty, and that's making me look at everything going on in my life and wonder what on Earth I'm doing. 

I just managed to punch my ceiling and skin my knuckles (thankfully it was my left hand again so not the world's biggest catastrophe really, in fact, something of a regular event) while dancing on my bed. I know, stupid, right? I need a trampoline to get rid of my energy...

I wish that was the most silly thing though, because it's really not. 

Each time I get into writing or editing, something else in my life seems to pop up and scream at me that it is meant to be higher up the priority list, and while I am good at putting the novel down and getting on with whatever else is required of me, it's a pain!! All I want to do is focus on what I love, and when I have time, I can't focus and when I can focus, I have no time. I'd call it a catch-22, but it's just life really, but I don't want to be only able to produce a novel every November. I want to do more than that. Even if everything I write is romantic-y trash written from the same perspective, I DON'T CARE!! 

What would be really nice would be getting other people, as in people other than my friends, to read my stuff. I don't even want there to be a lot of them, just a few would be really nice!! After writing that I decided to see the results of having put Fairies on the Kindle FREE for a day and have subsequently found out that roughly 183 people took advantage of that offer. THAT IS SO COOL TO ME!! Seriously, thank you all so much.

 That has actually cheered me up quite a lot. 

What I had been planning to write was something along the lines of how daring I think some people are to just jump into things when they know what they want. I have so much respect for people who didn't choose to follow a path they were sort of channelled to, who went off and carved their own damn path. For now, I'm happy to be living in London, thankful I have my job and supportive parents and sort of mildly entertained and motivated by my degree (although not motivated enough to actually spend an indecent amount of time studying to ensure I leave uni with a First. New things have become important now.) 

Anyway, the way forward is going to come in pulling my head out of my ass and actually paying attention to whatever is going on in the world around me, and maybe even going back to having COFFEE SHOP TRIPS with all that beautiful people watching and writing and editing and lattés and ahhh, it's going to be soooooo good. 

I guess I should also divulge that I am also planning a couple more days of the FREE download promotions for both the novels which are currently residing on the Kindle, and also getting them both redone into paperbacks asap. I can't decide whether that should come first, or editing Yours,

It's a bit of a chicken and egg situation, but then I would first concern myself deciding which one is in fact the egg....

Whatever.

Night-y night my currently pyjama clad readers!

Charlie x 

:)