No, I Didn't Keel Over In a Corner, I Just Feel Like I Did,

Figured I should just get this out of the way whilst I have a spare twenty minutes - Yay, first post of 2015 *moderate sarcasm for those who don't know me too well* -.-

The last two months have been a kind of crazy blur. Third year is turning out reasonably well since I've managed to submit all my essays on time - win! - and the results I have got back have all been 2:1s - a win deserving cheesecake - now if only my dissertation were going so swimmingly... Let's call it a day there, rather than discuss that one.

So, what else has been happening? Well, my university seems ready to drop off the face of the earth, I went see Hollywood Undead and had to go steaming 'tup Norf for a family funeral. I've never understood why the word fun occurs in funeral, because they never really are...

Anyway, Christmas and New Year and everything like that happened and Yours, is still not finished, my head's still buzzing with characters - arguably more than ever - and I don't really know where to find the time to start writing let alone where in this web of lives to start writing. I mean, I love them all, how can I choose? 

It's also difficult because my wrists are so damn sore that I can't type properly, or hold a pen without pain, and the only other alternative is my newer quill. It's absolutely delightful, but I'm so scared of dropping it and shattering it that I almost hate using it as much as I love it! 

So I'm stuck in a place where I'm not sure if writing, typing and knitting is actually making my wrist better or worse, but since there is no other option but to plow headlong through life, that's kind of what I am attempting. 

 

Too Much To Do Does Not a Life Make,

I keep getting really annoyed that I haven't really been writing any blogs for a while, but I have so much to do that I haven't even played Sims 4 or SimCity for a month, and they're my destress things, so I'm sure you can imagine that I'm a little bit of a X Track 2 (I'm a Mess - for all those who didn't get the Ed Sheeran reference). 

So, what's been happening? Well, more doctor's trips because I've been having inconvenient stomach pains - not that any stomach pain is particularly convenient if you actually like doing your job and are no longer in high school wanting to miss PE - getting infuriated at the library in my university when people are requesting books that I'm using for my dissertation, getting a bit panicked by essays and deadlines, going to see Ed Sheeran in concert (twice :P) and watching the filming of Russell Howard's Good News last night. Why does life always seem to fit much more nicely into timeslots when you list it all out? I always feel so busy!!

What am I currently procrastinating from (I don't care if that's incorrect use of the word, you understand what it means)? Well, I have to choose between two really fun essays: One about HIV and contraception, the other about the ethical status of natural family planning. Considering this is one of the courses I am technically resitting - not that I failed, I just didn't do the course first time... - I would rather do the second option, as I attempted the first last time, and I don't think it went so well...

In other news, I've finally reached a decision concerning National Novel Writing Month this year, and I have decided I'm not doing it. I'm sick of the amount of Facebook spam I get about it and, quite frankly, the pressure to focus that much on my novel writing at the moment would not be a welcome thing - I actually can't think of anything worse. Last year was amazing - 3 10k days and I finished within 19 days, beating my personal record (previously 20days) - but I kicked my own ass so hard because NaNo was the centre of my world; this year it can't be, and I don't know any other way to behave with it, so rather than make a royal fluff up of my last year at uni, I would rather put NaNo onto the backburner for a bit and focus on the stuff that I really need to do.

It's been a bloody hard decision, and it's not like I'm walking away from it for good, but I guess that at some point I have to see that NaNo doesn't and can't own me, and I don't need it, I just want it. If I never go back to it, it has been extraordinary for me - not just for the writer that I want to be, but also the person that I am. I've met some amazing people because of it, and I hope to stay in touch with a lot of them for a very long time, but like I said, I have far too much else going on at the moment to be able to afford the time to it that I spend on it. 

Best of luck to all those competing this year.

Anyway, best get back to it. 

I Hate Trying to Think of Titles,

I find it really difficult to think of titles sometimes, which is why there are so many documents on my computer which are called Untitled with a number at the end, or why I stick to notebooks until I can title things. 

I'm going to just warn you that I'm typing this while attacking an adult slushy (Parrot Bay's Berry Dacquiri) so if this gets a little less sensical as it goes along, that is much to be expected... 

So, I mentioned that Ben and I had made a deal about my getting Yours, finished by the end of the year, and I was a little worried that I wouldn't get it done, but what might be glad to know is that it's roughly half done... And it was the difficult half. I find that when I like characters and something bad happens to them, as often does, I find those sections really difficult to deal with, and so I tend to avoid them. The obvious question that comes along there is 'why didn't you just write it differently?' but I have to explain something right now - I don't write things how I want them to happen, I write them how they play out in my head, and that doesn't always leave things how I want them.

I just want to clarify, I'm not trying to suggest I have no control over the things that happen, I can ultimately affect it all with my moods, the music I listen to etc, but if I try to change something because it's not quite what I want for the character, it never goes exceptionally well. I guess that what I have come to accept is that good things and bad things will come to good and bad people, everything is on a grey scale and it is how you learn to deal with things that is really important. 

In other news, I have written the introduction for my dissertation, been to the knitting and stitching show, carried on working at the hospital and decided what I'm giving my family for Christmas whilst being grinchy about the fact that stores are already stocking their Christmas collections. Granted I had no problem with this for the knitting and stitching show, but making gifts for people can take the whole year, so it's a bit more understandable. 

Basically, life is still busy, busy, busy, and now November is just about on the horizon and the question is being asked - to NaNo or not to NaNo? On the plus side, I abhor losing, so I will find the time to hit the target, but would my dissertation or my other courses suffer as a consequence? Most probably. Or I'd spend another month trying to learn how to live without sleeping. The thing is, pretty much regardless of everything on the list of why I shouldn't do it, the probability is that I will throw caution to the wind and do it anyway, because it's just become a part of who I am. 

Anyway, life's calling...

Waving, Not Drowning,

Today is a really weird sort of a day, partly because I don't really know exactly where it began. At half past four this morning I was still up with my housemate, my wonderful boyfriend and my housemate's friend, whilst they were drinking and my lungs basically forgot they were lungs.

The last couple of weeks have been a bit of a crazy mess of things where I've ended up in A&E twice, celebrated the year anniversary of my relationship, the absolute and finally death of the Craptop and also the assembling of The Computer Which Possibly Works. Now that he actually works - and looks sexy and is almost completely silent doing it... - his name is Prodigy, after the case that he's built in. There's also a deal been struck with regard to the birth of this little beauty, but more on that in a minute.

So, yes, A&E. What happened? 

I've always had issues with my health, that much cannot be disputed, and I also have a somewhat reluctant relationship with food, however this was quite literally my stomach deciding it didn't want me to eat anything ever, and because I had, it was going to flare up to the extent that I thought I was dying. I know it sounds a bit dramatic, but my heart was doing funny things and I couldn't breathe, so I left work on one side of the hospital for a waiting room on the other to be given Gaviscon and strong painkillers. Two days later I was back to discuss the painkillers with the doctors since they had a bit of an adverse effect - I basically felt like my brain was passed out while my body was fully conscious, and the pain wasn't going away. 

It's all getting a bit better now, because I'm being careful about what I eat, when I eat and how much Gaviscon I have with me at the point - why does everything that settles your stomach tastes like it came out of the garbage? - and because a friend suggested some lovely tablets that are like Kalms for your stomach, and they appear to be helping on the whole.

Then, of course, there was the anniversary. The 4th of September marked a full year since I went on my first date with my lovely Ben, so we celebrated by going back to Jamie's in Kingston, eating some overly delicious food and getting me addicted to yet another bloody cocktail... In one way, this year seems to have raced by in so little time, but in another, because we've done so much, it feels like so much longer.

Now this has been a long time coming, but the Craptop is finally dead. It's hard drive is now in my new computer, after being fully formatted and all that sort of I-have-no-idea which means it can now Rest In Peace...s. Even though the build for this computer has been going on for a few weeks, I still find it really weird to have a fully working desktop again, but it was only finished today, so I need to give it some time. It's also going to take me a while to get used to Windows 8.1. This thing is seriously confusing my brain, but all I really care about is that it's up, it's running, it's beautiful and it makes practically no noise. I think there is actually more of a hum from the screen than the actual unit itself. 

Anyway, because Ben put in so much effort to get Prodigy up and running and ready this weekend, we struck a deal. The excuse of computer equipment can no longer be used with regard to the editing or formating of Yours,, which means that it will and has to be completely finished by the end of 2014... All I can say to that is, oooooooh shit...


As of now, there is crap all over my bed, it is late and I have work in the morning, so good night to all. 

End of A New Era,

I mnt to post this a few days ago, but with my computer deconstructed and in my living room and now the internet being off, I've kind of struggled with actually getting  online and doing it, but here goes...

I'm quite an anxious person, so changing anything in my life feels like a major trauma, especially when it's something that has become a part of me in quite a large way. When I was eighteen I got my first 'proper' job working at a shoe shop in the Trafford Centre. That was three and a half years ago, and I find it hard to believe. Wednesday of this week, I worked my last shift in my home branch here in London, and I wasn't really sure how to feel. 

As I've been mentioning, I have a new job, so it's not like I was leaving the job into some sort of unemployed abyss where I wasn't sure what I was going to do, neither was I jumping into a whole new job that I hadn't tentatively dipped my feet into, but for the last three and a half years, This shop has been a consistent thing in my life. It's been a really mixed bag, with amazing customers, lovely customers, darn right hilariously weird customers and other members of staff, but there were pretty big lows sometimes, too. Ones of my pet hates is rudeness, and I got a hell of a lot of that thrown in my direction from a multitude of people, but that has helped me to deal with people, at least on the outside, a little bit better.

The great thing about leaving is that I have my Wednesday evenings back - any time I can claw away from work or sleeping can only be a good thing, if only I could learn to stop myself procrastinating, but the sad part is all the amazing people I can no longer work with. I've met some amazing people over the last few years, and there are en I few that I plan to stay in touch with. 

As for this weekend, I have the fun of welcoming three new housemates to my lovely house and also a slightly early celebration of being in a relationship with the most boyfriend for a year, though I must admit, even after this amount of time together, it still makes me giggle like a child when I call him my partner, but in a massive way, he really is. Even when I turn into a bit of a snotty little mess, he's there to support me, and all my stupid whims and ideas. He also makes a damn good cup of tea, so what more could I want in a man? 

Anyway, onwards into a new era...

Between Shakespeare and Word Vomit,

After pretty much promising to fall off the radar a bit, I find myself needing wellies whilst knee deep in the constant brain battle that is each bit of life fighting for space within my schedule. As if normality isn't hectic enough, my life is currently in my living room, whilst the house has a bit of a face lift. The only saving grace is that I'm currently living with my lovely partner and an anorexic Shih-Tzu. I'm really not kidding about the last bit. 

Now, there are massive upsides to this, such as being made breakfast in bed (although according to the girl code I'm supposed to narrow my eyes suspiciously at this and ask what on Earth he's making up for?) and the fact that cooking for him is as natural as breathing, but there are a couple of downsides too, such as the dogs and my shared hatred of falling water, made more complicated by his need to urinate on every passing lamppost and sack of green waste. Oh, and he really likes putting his paws on my feet, and I really hate that. I don't know what it is, but animal paws on my feet makes me feel like I want to dry heave...

Now don't get me wrong, any sort of experience past a blank set of four white-washed walls is fantastic for creating something which is anywhere between Shakespeare and word vomit, but I'm not sure how interesting a novel, or even a short story, about the sadness in Bertie's (the Shih-Tzu) eyes as he stares up at my pancakes, would really be. Without some sort of Dickensian description, I'm not sure it would even make it to being a poem, though I do wonder what on Earth could be going through his head as he stares up the garden for hours no matter what the weather is doing. 

Well, my next mission is going to be getting all the parts for a new computer, currently named The Computer Which Potentially Works, as opposed to the Shit Box and the Craptop. Oh, apparently that's cheeky and 'Of course it'll f*ing work; I'm building it!' I hope  he realises I have documented proof of that statement...

Lemon Drizzle Cake,

I've been living in the house on my own for a good couple of months now, but every sound that I haven't made still leaves me practically shitting myself when I'm being totally honest. It's one of the reasons that I love weekends so much, because I'm not quite so jumpy with Ben here. He also made me lemon drizzle cake. It was divine... 

Anyway, I feel like my days are so insanely full with work, the house, convincing myself to go to the gym (yeah, that happens) and just life in general really, it doesn't matter how well I plan things, time just skips merrily out of the window, and if I don't get to sleep before too long, dragging my ass out of bed in the morning will be something of a chore. I'm a simple being - cheese sandwiches and eight hours of sleep is all I need. Oh, and a BIG cup of tea. That's just life though, isn't it? I'm really wishing that the crap top could just get it's shit together and work, just for my bus journeys, because nothing irritates me more than wasting time on bus.

I'm probably going to be falling on and off the writing radar for at least the next couple of weeks, purely because of the amount of time my job takes up, but editing another novel is still on my mind, daily, and I will hopefully get around to it in the near future. Hopefully. Maybe. Someday.

As previously mentioned, I need sleep.