There is a quest I really hate when it comes to me saying I'm having a bad day and someone trying to make a suggestion. I'm not sure if it's the question itself that annoys me or if it's the inclusion of the word 'just'. Using the word 'just' in this sort of context makes things seem little or simple, and the problem with that is it can really minimise what is happening for another person. Whilst de-escalating someone from catastrophising is a good thing, making something that seems huge to them seem small can actually really undermine what you're trying to do because you make the person feel small or you make them feel stupid or, and I would argue that this is the worst one, you make them feel misunderstood. I will admit, I also hate being made to feel like I'm being melodramatic about a small thing when it's really upsetting me, but then again a big thing to remember is that it's not just that seemingly tiny moment; it's everything that has gone into that tiny moment.
Yesterday I felt like I was close to ripping my own skin because I couldn't stop scratching where a particularly irritating label kept prickling at my skin. I was at home, I was trying to focus and I was trying to work, but every time I moved in a certain way this label took another swipe at my skin to the point where I felt sick, because I was just too overstimulated. I chopped the label out of the t-shirt but still felt like I could feel it, because it wasn't just about the label; it was everything else that added to the overwhelm I was feeling. Ridiculously, I have owned that shirt for a lot of years. It has irritated me before and I've considered chopping the label out before but I didn't because it has the washing instructions on it and I might need them, but yesterday I decided to do it anyway because that was one of the problems I could solve. And because I don't own a tumble dryer anyway so it's not like I'm going to accidentally put it in one because I forgot that it won't go in one. (Saying this, I don't look at the labels even when I have access to a tumble dryer - I effectively risk assess on what I am happy to risk in the dryer. Do I care if it gets destroyed? Yes. Am I sure it can be dried? No. Guess it's not going in. Do I care? No. *Fling in.* Neeeeext. That kind of thing.)
I've been told, why don't you just wear something you don't react to? Funny that. Maybe because I wanted to feel like there was something not quite scratching at my skin all day to the point that it makes me want to scream. Sound reasonable? No. Well that's because the answer is I have no idea what sets it off. I don't know if I have a reaction of my skin feeling like it's on fire because of something physical (other than wool. Proper wool and I are not friends) like maybe detergent, even when I use fairy or sensitive or safe for babies kinds of detergent, or if it's something mental and the way it comes out is the compulsive need to scratch an itch that is more mental than physical.
Yesterday I went into the office in a t-shirt that is so soft I don't think I have ever had any sort of issue with it, other than being cold in it when it was one of the only things I could wear and my favourite sweater, which I've worn a lot of times before and been fine in. Was it something I ate? I don't think so. Or drank? I don't think so, but who the hell knows?
Sometimes saying 'why don't you just...' makes it feel like it's my fault. It's like, you're feeling stressed out, overwhelmed, upset and generally a bit s**t because you were not prepared enough. Ridiculously, I had a change of clothes in a bag ready to go into the car (though I can't remember whether they made it to the car or not) in case something like this happened, but honestly, I can't make any guarantee that whatever I changed into wouldn't have been just as bad because I was wearing some of my favourite clothes which are my favourite because they are comfortable and not just because I like the colour or the design. To some degree it's the fit and to a bigger degree, it's been that I have been comfortable in them before. Even my snow boots. Ninety nine percent of the time they are fine, but on very odd occasions they pinch on one toe.
I know people are trying to help, I appreciate people are trying to help, but sometimes, it really doesn't help because saying 'just wear something you don't react to' is not a simple problem to solve.
(The brackets were added after the original title, and the reason I had to add it is because it's the second thing today that made me laugh more than expected. It's not a term I generally use, other than in the colloquial sense of a barely-functioning or non-functional person and only ever towards myself, and partly because it launches me into something else I wanted to say. Is lotion (Brits, read moisturiser) one of the biggest hoaxes going? I've always been told I itch because I have dry skin. I really don't think I do, and if I did, moisturiser or 'lotion' would make it better, surely, but the vast majority of the time, I put the stuff on and it doesn't make anything worse (as in, I'm not having a reaction to the cream) but it doesn't make things any better, which makes me think it's either got to be some form of allergy or intolerance that I am yet to figure out, or it is all in my head. Or, lotion, moisturiser, body cream, whatever, does nothing, and Christ only knows why I have so many bottles of it in the bathroom and why it is forever included in any holiday gift sets other than to make the present look better than just a couple of bottles of things like body spray and body wash.)
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