Something I really enjoy is when kids tell their parents that they don't want to eat animals. People say it's straight from the mouth of babes, others say that it's orchestrated. Whatever, I love it, but there are so many things I've had to look back on over the years and realise are problematic. Mrs. Doubtfire was a big one, but I still love it, and just try and appreciate it is something that was a product of its time. Some of Meg Cabot's books are very similar. Hell, there are things in Fairies that I read and think holy crap, I wish I could re-write this whole thing and take out the parts that make me wince. I'm writing a sequel and I'm hoping that will address some of the issues, but Dios Mio there are a lot of them out there in the world.
Anyway, I'm sure you'll be really glad to know I'm not going to go through an itemised list of all the things I enjoyed as a kid that are now problematic (jeez, that would be boring for everyone involved!) so instead I'm just going to talk about the one that came to me most recently and everyone can think I'm a sad sap. I've been watching Pitch Perfect 2 today and doing a lot of singing, and this was marginally better than singing Beca's lines from Before He Cheats repeatedly, though that also happened so feel sorry for my mum who had to hear it.
The song that came to my head was from one of the Swan Lake cartoon movies. I want to say it's from Secret of the Castle, but I also don't because it makes me sound like I know those movies backward (I don't, but I did watch them a lot as a kid). Anyway, Prince and Princess have a fight and then he starts this solo, when she's gone off-screen (or off-page, I guess) with the lyrics, 'Why must I always get down on my knees and apologise?' so he basically sounds like an immature ass at this point... and then goes into 'Because I love her and need her like the...' whatever. It trails off into pretty poetry about how much he loves her and how no man has ever loved a woman the way he loves her. Yeah, sure, fine, but looking back on it now I realise something... he never actually admits he's wrong. There is this implication that he is apologising because of the whole idea of a happy wife, happy life, or she's a woman, she has these fits and I should just apologise. Let me tell you something, it's really grating!
My ex was one for throwing a tantrum, and inevitably, even when I was right, I would apologise, because of that fear of losing him. Maybe that's the flip of the genders, but it's still a problem.
Yes, there are going to be things in relationships where no one was right and no one was wrong. Yes, there will be times when the other person was wrong, and yet the way you reacted was also wrong, but it's why apologising and doing it right is so important. If I was going to apologise about Fairies, I would say I'm sorry that the character of Harry plays into so many gay stereotypes and uses words like camp that I wouldn't now want to associate myself with the use of. I'm sorry I wasn't more sensitive in the way it addressed the issue of suicide and I'm sorry that some of the characters were childish brats. I'm not sorry that I wrote it, I'm not sorry I self-published it and I'm definitely not sorry that I revised the ending, but I'm sorry that there were things that I did wrong with it and if I offended anyone with it, then I really couldn't be more sorry for that, but I have learned a lot from my experience over the ten years since I wrote it and I've read a lot, about writing and other things, I studied a degree in Philosophy, Religion, and Ethics, and I'm actively trying to make sure that when the sequel makes its way into the world, it's a lot more accepting and inclusive and it's a better novel. I hope it's everything I've learnt in the last ten years and that I don't look at it ten years in the future and my cheeks flush because there are more things that I should have done better in. That's my hope, that's my wish, but we'll see how that pans out, won't we?
So, what does that mean for other writers?
One big piece of advice I would give anyone is don't be afraid of making mistakes. Mistakes aren't a bad thing as long as you learn from them, but the flip side of that is something else I truly believe in, and that is, Own Your Mistakes. Be strong enough to say, I said or did something that was wrong, I learned from my errors, such a person told me I was wrong, and now I am doing this to make up for it. It's a cliche to say that no one is perfect, but it's true. No one walks through their life and makes zero mistakes. I hope that one day, people like J K Rowling can stand up and say the things I said were hurtful to other women. Whilst their experience isn't the same as mine, their experience does not invalidate mine and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to accept and admit that. In the future, I won't use my massive platform to spread offensive views about trans people and will fight for the rights of others, not against them, even when I don't share their experience. There are plenty of us who make mistakes and they fall under the radar, there are plenty of people who make mistakes and it's all over the media and there is noise against and there is noise to support, but what's important is, when you know it was a mistake, say it, own it, and do what you can to make up for it, because there is nothing worse than trying to pretend like you never made it in the first place. At least if you apologise, that's something people can trust.
Charlieswrite, Sporadically Yours.
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